Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Isn't a dry wedding worse than no open bar? At least there's alcohol!

No way! I don’t care if I drink or not. I’d prefer it, but if the couple doesnt drink or can’t afford to pay for the alcohol, then a dry wedding is fine. What’s NOT fine is asking your guests to pay for things at YOUR PARTY

I agree. All this shade on dry weddings is awful. Many people don’t drink - for religious or addiction or health reasons. I am delighted to share their big day with them while also being respectful of their culture or individual preferences. Can people *really* not go one night without booze??? (And I drink a lot - so I’m not a teetotaler)

I agree that cash bar is way worse than dry wedding. You don't host a party and then have your guests pay for food/drinks!! The only thing worse is doing a potluck where guests BRING FOOD as well!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

I would not criticize what accommodations might be available where - are you going to send someone an hour away to the Ritz, or tell them the closest places that are clean? If you are a travel snob, or think you are above it all, that is not on the bride and groom to pay for.

A hotel block isn't actually covering accommodations (nor is it luxury) which is what pp said. I was musing that they simply blocked the rooms and left guests to book it/pay for it on their own.

no, the PP said they paid for their rooms at a luxury hotel.

Even if the bride and groom "blocked rooms", they were thoughtful enough to do so. What exactly do you want them to do? Make your beds and serve you coffee in the morning? It seems some posters just hate weddings. Which is fine, but stay home and spare everyone your rotten attitude, because it shows.

They probably got a credit for each room that was booked in order to get a better deal for themselves. But you don't get to take credit for "paying for luxury rooms" when all you did was create a room block. And then to stick your friends with a cash bar is tacky and cheap. I'd be embarrassed for my friends if they did that. Thankfully I don't know anyone like this.

You’re replying to PPs who have added on details that didn’t even happen.

Creating a room block is not paying.
We paid all for very nice hotel rooms family picked out, champagne and one round of drinks. No deals because our hotel was another location. This is my last comment. Yes I’m a horrible person and extremely tacky. Friends are probably ‘embarrassed’ for me. I’m no longer giving details so you continue bashing. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

I would not criticize what accommodations might be available where - are you going to send someone an hour away to the Ritz, or tell them the closest places that are clean? If you are a travel snob, or think you are above it all, that is not on the bride and groom to pay for.

A hotel block isn't actually covering accommodations (nor is it luxury) which is what pp said. I was musing that they simply blocked the rooms and left guests to book it/pay for it on their own.

no, the PP said they paid for their rooms at a luxury hotel.

Even if the bride and groom "blocked rooms", they were thoughtful enough to do so. What exactly do you want them to do? Make your beds and serve you coffee in the morning? It seems some posters just hate weddings. Which is fine, but stay home and spare everyone your rotten attitude, because it shows.

They probably got a credit for each room that was booked in order to get a better deal for themselves. But you don't get to take credit for "paying for luxury rooms" when all you did was create a room block. And then to stick your friends with a cash bar is tacky and cheap. I'd be embarrassed for my friends if they did that. Thankfully I don't know anyone like this.

You’re replying to PPs who have added on details that didn’t even happen.

Creating a room block is not paying.
We paid all for very nice hotel rooms family picked out, champagne and one round of drinks. No deals because our hotel was another location. This is my last comment. Yes I’m a horrible person and extremely tacky. Friends are probably ‘embarrassed’ for me. I’m no longer giving details so you continue bashing. Flame away.

So you didn't pay for accommodations for 100+ people? Or are your families over 100 people? You're just not being very clear and people are confused.

[Anonymous]

Worst to least
Dry weddings
Weddings without food (church then cake and punch)
destination weddings

I don’t want my kids invited to weddings. I like to enjoy them. I have babies and toddlers though, maybe I’ll change my mind then they’re teens.

Regarding no plus one weddings- I guess this hasn’t ever impacted me. I married Dh in my mid 20s. If he wasn’t invited to a wedding I likely wouldn’t go, but it’s never happened.

[Anonymous]

I’m neutral on lots of these. I like destinations. I don’t like kids at weddings. I’m not even sure why plus ones are mandatory. People are hanging out with their friends and family and dates often look bored. I only ever give cash gifts (except at showers I do bring presents).

I care about good food and open bar (wine and beer is ok).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Isn't a dry wedding worse than no open bar? At least there's alcohol!

No way! I don’t care if I drink or not. I’d prefer it, but if the couple doesnt drink or can’t afford to pay for the alcohol, then a dry wedding is fine. What’s NOT fine is asking your guests to pay for things at YOUR PARTY

I agree. All this shade on dry weddings is awful. Many people don’t drink - for religious or addiction or health reasons. I am delighted to share their big day with them while also being respectful of their culture or individual preferences. Can people *really* not go one night without booze??? (And I drink a lot - so I’m not a teetotaler)

I agree that cash bar is way worse than dry wedding. You don't host a party and then have your guests pay for food/drinks!! The only thing worse is doing a potluck where guests BRING FOOD as well!

Cash bar is better than dry bar. If you aren’t going to drink they’re the same. And besides, you still have to tip the bartender even at an open bar so of course you’ll have cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explanations optional.

No-kids weddings
No +1 weddings
Destination weddings
Dry weddings
No open bar weddings
Weddings of couples who ask for cash

- No kids ( especially of relatives) wedding.

- No +1 for engaged people or in serious relationships. (If no ring, please don’t bring)

- No open bar wedding. If you serve alcohol, you can restrict the offering (serve only beer and wine) but don’t make people pay for it.

- It is fine to have a dry wedding if that is your culture.
- Destination weddings are fine, as long as you are paying for airfare and accommodation for your family and relatives.
- don’t ask for cash, but you can ask for “No boxed gifts”. Perfectly fine in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised so many posters are offended by destination weddings. I have never been to one but I thought people typically kept them smaller and didn’t expect everyone to attend. It’s not like you’re required to go, it’s just an invitation.

I don't really get it either, unless all of your friends and family live in the same area, it's going to be a destination wedding for some people even if that destination is your hometown. I'm in DC and almost all of the weddings I have attended have required travel.

+1

Me and my circle think of "destination weddings" as a place where neither the bride nor groom has ties, but they basically marry where they are honeymooning. It saves work for the bride and groom, but not for everyone else!

If the bride OR groom is from (born and raised) Chicago (for example), and they choose to get married in Chicago, that is NOT a destination wedding, as it is a reasonable presumption that approximately half of the wedding invitees are from the Chicago area. ie: not a random place that every single guest and family member has to travel to, and to which no one has ties.

Add to this that destination weddings usually happen in places that are overpriced, overcrowded, with little choice re: accommodations and are often pain in the butt to get to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

I would not criticize what accommodations might be available where - are you going to send someone an hour away to the Ritz, or tell them the closest places that are clean? If you are a travel snob, or think you are above it all, that is not on the bride and groom to pay for.

A hotel block isn't actually covering accommodations (nor is it luxury) which is what pp said. I was musing that they simply blocked the rooms and left guests to book it/pay for it on their own.

no, the PP said they paid for their rooms at a luxury hotel.

Even if the bride and groom "blocked rooms", they were thoughtful enough to do so. What exactly do you want them to do? Make your beds and serve you coffee in the morning? It seems some posters just hate weddings. Which is fine, but stay home and spare everyone your rotten attitude, because it shows.

They probably got a credit for each room that was booked in order to get a better deal for themselves. But you don't get to take credit for "paying for luxury rooms" when all you did was create a room block. And then to stick your friends with a cash bar is tacky and cheap. I'd be embarrassed for my friends if they did that. Thankfully I don't know anyone like this.

You’re replying to PPs who have added on details that didn’t even happen.

Creating a room block is not paying.
We paid all for very nice hotel rooms family picked out, champagne and one round of drinks. No deals because our hotel was another location. This is my last comment. Yes I’m a horrible person and extremely tacky. Friends are probably ‘embarrassed’ for me. I’m no longer giving details so you continue bashing. Flame away.

DP here. Ignore the troll. Rude guests are the worst offense, far more than any of what OP listed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised so many posters are offended by destination weddings. I have never been to one but I thought people typically kept them smaller and didn’t expect everyone to attend. It’s not like you’re required to go, it’s just an invitation.

I don't really get it either, unless all of your friends and family live in the same area, it's going to be a destination wedding for some people even if that destination is your hometown. I'm in DC and almost all of the weddings I have attended have required travel.

I think there's a big difference between traveling to a wedding and a destination wedding. My niece lives in Austin and is getting married next year in...Austin. My SIL referred to it as a destination wedding. Sorry- a destination wedding would be if she is getting married in a completely random place like Cabo.

[Anonymous]

Pregnant bride

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got married fairly fresh out of college and didn't do +1 for college/high school friends because we knew there'd be at least a table full of people they would also be friends with. I don't think we had any other single invitees. Our wedding budget was tiny and it's what we could afford (no parental help).

I was a poster saying that I didn’t like no +1s, but in your case, I think this was totally fine. I think it’s more to help people who might not know people there.

DP I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pregnant bride

Barefoot and pregnant shotgun wedding

[Anonymous]

People over 50. Destination wedding and then expect and praise those that give them presents. #TACKY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised so many posters are offended by destination weddings. I have never been to one but I thought people typically kept them smaller and didn’t expect everyone to attend. It’s not like you’re required to go, it’s just an invitation.

I don't really get it either, unless all of your friends and family live in the same area, it's going to be a destination wedding for some people even if that destination is your hometown. I'm in DC and almost all of the weddings I have attended have required travel.

I think there's a big difference between traveling to a wedding and a destination wedding. My niece lives in Austin and is getting married next year in...Austin. My SIL referred to it as a destination wedding. Sorry- a destination wedding would be if she is getting married in a completely random place like Cabo.

+1

Exactly! Why do some people want to make the meaning something it is not? It basically means "random place" - more than an hour plane ride, no ties, etc. It does NOT mean "somewhere the rude guest complains about". LOL.