If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who was adopted from a third world country (not due to infertility), while her younger brother was born to their parents. He is a wildly successful tall blonde white dude who married young to a wife who stays home to raise their three beautiful kids. My friend went to college, works and functions fine, but she's not white and had some problems related to being adopted by a wealthy white family in a predominately white community. Her parents gave her brother a huge sum of money when he married and bought a home. She rents. Her parents will not help her buy an apartment. Her parents plan her a pittance while her brother will receive the bulk of their estate.
They WANTED her. They planned to adopt their first child when they married. They raised her. And it's very likely in part due to the fact that she was adopted that her life has not gone quite as perfectly as her brother's. She's not even estranged from the family! She sees her parents regularly. But they're punishing her for not marrying and having children, things that she certainly wanted but did not have the luck of getting.

Sorry, but I think that's pretty messed up. I hope her parents change their mind before they die.

[Anonymous]

Your kids do not exist to make your life worthwhile. You seem to have a selfish, unhealthy take on what it means to procreate.

You did not “give up” your life for your children. You had a life and parenting is what you chose to do with it. That was your choice.

Sounds like it was not good for you though because even now (when they are launched) you seem unable to think of any other avenue for fulfillment. Seek therapy to explore the fact that you are a unique individual, with an identity and value even when no other relatives are taken into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who was adopted from a third world country (not due to infertility), while her younger brother was born to their parents. He is a wildly successful tall blonde white dude who married young to a wife who stays home to raise their three beautiful kids. My friend went to college, works and functions fine, but she's not white and had some problems related to being adopted by a wealthy white family in a predominately white community. Her parents gave her brother a huge sum of money when he married and bought a home. She rents. Her parents will not help her buy an apartment. Her parents plan her a pittance while her brother will receive the bulk of their estate.
They WANTED her. They planned to adopt their first child when they married. They raised her. And it's very likely in part due to the fact that she was adopted that her life has not gone quite as perfectly as her brother's. She's not even estranged from the family! She sees her parents regularly. But they're punishing her for not marrying and having children, things that she certainly wanted but did not have the luck of getting.

Sorry, but I think that's pretty messed up. I hope her parents change their mind before they die.

How do you know they are treating her differently because of her race or the fact that she is adopted? They could just have narrow views about what their kids are “supposed to do with their lives,” the paths they will reward.

That is sad, and they sound like awful parents, but I would not assume what it stems from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who was adopted from a third world country (not due to infertility), while her younger brother was born to their parents. He is a wildly successful tall blonde white dude who married young to a wife who stays home to raise their three beautiful kids. My friend went to college, works and functions fine, but she's not white and had some problems related to being adopted by a wealthy white family in a predominately white community. Her parents gave her brother a huge sum of money when he married and bought a home. She rents. Her parents will not help her buy an apartment. Her parents plan her a pittance while her brother will receive the bulk of their estate.
They WANTED her. They planned to adopt their first child when they married. They raised her. And it's very likely in part due to the fact that she was adopted that her life has not gone quite as perfectly as her brother's. She's not even estranged from the family! She sees her parents regularly. But they're punishing her for not marrying and having children, things that she certainly wanted but did not have the luck of getting.

Sorry, but I think that's pretty messed up. I hope her parents change their mind before they die.

How do you know they are treating her differently because of her race or the fact that she is adopted? They could just have narrow views about what their kids are “supposed to do with their lives,” the paths they will reward.

That is sad, and they sound like awful parents, but I would not assume what it stems from.

They are treating her differently because of their narrow views about what kids are supposed to do with their lives. But it's pretty shitty of them to have adopted a child of a different race and then raised her without any thought to how that might affect her, and then be surprised or disappointed that her life didn't turn out as perfectly as her brother's. It's hardly unusual for adopted kids to struggle a bit.

Anyway, even taking that particular factor out of consideration, parents need to realize that their own parenting and their own choices for their kids can have an effect on how their kids turn out. Some parents treat one kid as "the smart one" and one as "the pretty one" or "the popular one", or they harangue a daughter about her looks her whole life, or they send one kid to private school but then can't afford to send the others, or they simply favor one child over another. All of these things can affect someone's life trajectory.

[Anonymous]

I also hope my kids don't have kids. It's a losing proposition. I feel bad for bringing them into this mess. And for cursing them with my genes.

And the world has enough people.

[Anonymous]

Another one here whose money is going to charity. There is only my niece and she will inherit from her mother and her uncle.

[Anonymous]

Don't have children unless you want the experience of raising them, however good or bad that's going to be.
If it's to have grandchildren or someone to take care of you when you're old, don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. I can't scroll through all of this. But WTF.

Same. This is the weirdest thread I’ve ever seen on DCUM.

Actually what’s weird are all the posters claiming they could care less if their kids never have kids.

I’m calling B.S.
Thee urge to procreate and see your family line continue is part of our DNA.

Well my Mitochondrial DNA ship has sailed, so....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also hope my kids don't have kids. It's a losing proposition. I feel bad for bringing them into this mess. And for cursing them with my genes.

And the world has enough people.

I sometimes feel this way. My biological child is in elementary school, and says she would like to have children, but isn’t really sure if she’ll have time.

I’d love for her to experience the wonder of motherhood (biological or not), and I say that without sarcasm at all. But it feels like every year the world gets worse and worse. And not just in a “people suck” way - in a catastrophic climate situation way….

But, I love babies and toddlers and preschoolers and would love to have a chance to be around one again!

[Anonymous]

Haven’t you all told your kids it’s their life? They should follow THEIR dreams and you support them 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.

I mean of course your parents told you that. That raising you was the greatest joy. They are your parents- that’s what they say because they are good a parents! They aren’t making you feel guilty for ending their line because they are good parents! Child free adults often lack this sort of self awareness IMO because they have not yet experienced one of the major seasons in life, which is to have a child. If you skip that entire season, your life is stunted. I didn’t get it either until I had kids so I’m sure you will respond with a giant eye roll, but, sorry.

I have kids and have no idea what you’re talking about.

That’s unfortunate that you didn’t experience the life changing love this poster describes. Well, unfortunate for your kids anyway.

I have friends and family that do not have kids. It’s never crossed my mind that their lives are “stunted”. I still don’t understand the comment.

Maybe stunted is the wrong word. It’s a life missing a fundamental part of the human experience.

It is a fundamental experience to YOU not to them. More people pass on that “experience” now a days and I think that is great. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also hope my kids don't have kids. It's a losing proposition. I feel bad for bringing them into this mess. And for cursing them with my genes.

And the world has enough people.

That is not a healthy viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also hope my kids don't have kids. It's a losing proposition. I feel bad for bringing them into this mess. And for cursing them with my genes.

And the world has enough people.

That is not a healthy viewpoint.

Why not? It is true. It is healthy to face reality and not stick your head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also hope my kids don't have kids. It's a losing proposition. I feel bad for bringing them into this mess. And for cursing them with my genes.

And the world has enough people.

That is not a healthy viewpoint.

Why not? It is true. It is healthy to face reality and not stick your head in the sand.

How do you think your kids feel hearing you say their genes are so bad you hope they don’t procreate? It is you who lives with their head in the sand. Or arse as is the case.

[Anonymous]

Great colleges tuition are now pushing 400k for a 4 year degree. Plus the million or so to raise them.

If the kid is not getting married and having kids and a family to support why pay for any of it? Why even have them?