Same college, same sorority, many of my prettiest sorority sisters did not marry well. Who did?

[Anonymous]

I sometimes look at private school magazines, and they usually have some reunion pics. Very interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

Agree. Men didn’t suddenly notice her because she got into some Master’s program lol. She got a glow up, or she became more outgoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious to what incomes and net worths are considered rich to these people who are marrying one another.

I’m a public school who went to an ivy. I met my DH in grad school. He also went to an ivy. I think more people meet and marry from college, grad school and meet during their young professional lives.

I wasn’t in a sorority. It seems really strange that OP is keeping tabs of these people from her sorority and she is trying to rank them. How would she even know how well they all married? Just from social media?

We live very well. I don’t post. I don’t think my old childhood friends could tell I married well from my social media.

It is not about family net worth or trust funds. That is just a cope. Private school molds you in unique ways which can not be replicated or faked. And boarding school alumni are even more unique than local prep day school alumni. There was a thread on dcum years ago about private school kids having a je ne se quoi. A certain something. It is hard to explain but you know it when you see it. This goes over the head of most public school alumni, ex. OP naively thinks all of her sisters were the same because on paper they were at the same college, in the same sorority, and studying the same majors. They were not the same. The private and boarding school educated women were unique in ways very attractive to the most desirable bachelors.

+1 I can spot the private school kids in a coffee shop

lol no you can’t. please stop.

people see what they want to see.

so many in this thread sound pathetic.

When I think of private school je ne se qoui, I think of kids who act like Brett Kavanaugh. Not posh sophisticates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

Agree. Men didn’t suddenly notice her because she got into some Master’s program lol. She got a glow up, or she became more outgoing.

Or people were sharing the grad or professional school news among her alumni network, which naturally leads to “is she dating anyone?” and they were told she’s single. Men in their mid 20s trying to find a wife and preferring to marry someone they went to prep school with. Wow just wow, how conniving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious to what incomes and net worths are considered rich to these people who are marrying one another.

I’m a public school who went to an ivy. I met my DH in grad school. He also went to an ivy. I think more people meet and marry from college, grad school and meet during their young professional lives.

I wasn’t in a sorority. It seems really strange that OP is keeping tabs of these people from her sorority and she is trying to rank them. How would she even know how well they all married? Just from social media?

We live very well. I don’t post. I don’t think my old childhood friends could tell I married well from my social media.

It is not about family net worth or trust funds. That is just a cope. Private school molds you in unique ways which can not be replicated or faked. And boarding school alumni are even more unique than local prep day school alumni. There was a thread on dcum years ago about private school kids having a je ne se quoi. A certain something. It is hard to explain but you know it when you see it. This goes over the head of most public school alumni, ex. OP naively thinks all of her sisters were the same because on paper they were at the same college, in the same sorority, and studying the same majors. They were not the same. The private and boarding school educated women were unique in ways very attractive to the most desirable bachelors.

+1 I can spot the private school kids in a coffee shop

lol no you can’t. please stop.

people see what they want to see.

so many in this thread sound pathetic.

When I think of private school je ne se qoui, I think of kids who act like Brett Kavanaugh. Not posh sophisticates.

Do you know Brett or are you just some nobody prole who saw him on TV a few years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

+1. Glow up + grad school news teed up hearing she was single. Nothing more than mid 20s men in her high school alumni network eager to find a nice spouse. This exact thing happens ALL THE TIME and regularly leads to marriage of two reconnected classmates.

[Anonymous]

I don’t doubt the previous PP who said they can pick out the private school kids at Starbucks. I grew up Mormon and have an extremely strong radar for LDS members- there are certain behaviors or tells for any closed social group. What’s actually funny/ridiculous is calling it “a certain je ne sais quoi” or “poise” just because private school is a class marker 😂

[Anonymous]

What I will say as a working-class public school kid is that (elite) private school kids very obviously engage differently in college seminars. In general, they seem much better prepared for a rigorous liberal arts structure in terms of critical reasoning and engaging with instructors. Might have something to do with small classes and being used a similar dynamic with their high school teachers- I found it such a clear differentiator (and quite intimidating) as a freshman at a middle Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I will say as a working-class public school kid is that (elite) private school kids very obviously engage differently in college seminars. In general, they seem much better prepared for a rigorous liberal arts structure in terms of critical reasoning and engaging with instructors. Might have something to do with small classes and being used a similar dynamic with their high school teachers- I found it such a clear differentiator (and quite intimidating) as a freshman at a middle Ivy.

Maybe I lucked out but my public school had great teachers, especially in English and History, who spent tons of extra time and one-on-one time with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

+1. Glow up + grad school news teed up hearing she was single. Nothing more than mid 20s men in her high school alumni network eager to find a nice spouse. This exact thing happens ALL THE TIME and regularly leads to marriage of two reconnected classmates.

Lol yeah it’s laughable she thinks men got hard because she got into some lame Masters’ program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

+1. Glow up + grad school news teed up hearing she was single. Nothing more than mid 20s men in her high school alumni network eager to find a nice spouse. This exact thing happens ALL THE TIME and regularly leads to marriage of two reconnected classmates.

Lol yeah it’s laughable she thinks men got hard because she got into some lame Masters’ program.

Well it definitely explains why she didn’t have such great luck with men in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I will say as a working-class public school kid is that (elite) private school kids very obviously engage differently in college seminars. In general, they seem much better prepared for a rigorous liberal arts structure in terms of critical reasoning and engaging with instructors. Might have something to do with small classes and being used a similar dynamic with their high school teachers- I found it such a clear differentiator (and quite intimidating) as a freshman at a middle Ivy.

Maybe I lucked out but my public school had great teachers, especially in English and History, who spent tons of extra time and one-on-one time with us.

How do you know they were great? Compared to what? This is what people mean when they say public school alumni are sort of clueless about how public and private school shape us so differently. And those differences are with you for life. OP thinks on paper she’s the same as her sorority sisters—even raised in the same towns. And you think your public teachers were “great” and you received private-tier instruction. Yet people in the know quickly detect you nor OP were private school lifers. While OP’s frumpy prep school sorority sisters had no shortage of ambitious young doctors and other boys from proper backgrounds eager to marry them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

I am the pp. I did not take it the wrong way "decades later" I took it the right way 20 years ago: it was not "normal." These guys basically burned through the girls they were dating and did not even consider reaching out to me until they heard through the grapevine I had achieved a certain amount of "status" in my grad school admission. All our mutual female friends were still single as well, so it wasn't like I was the only one.

You all are missing the point: even though I was attractive, I wasn't even dating material until I or my family achieved a certain amount of success. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, what matters is the amount of actual money or social capital you or your family have -- to a certain segment of private school guys. OP was asking why the guys were marrying their private / boarding school counterparts and I am providing you with my theory.

It hurt as a teenager, but once I realized what was going on in my early 20s I dropped contact with these guys as fast as possible. Really also made me feel better about myself--I thought I was just unlovable and undatable as a teen until I got away from that whole private school environment. Turns out, my family just did not have enough money or status.

Attractiveness does not always compete with money and social stains, as I found out and as these pretty sorority girls are finding out. Thing is, once they learn this, they may be very happy they dodged a bullet.

Have been happily married for two decades, and haven't thought of these guys in almost three decades. This post just brought the memories back up.

And those two guys from way back in high school? They did end up marrying women who were not as attractive as pretty sorority girls but graduated from different private school "high status" families.

Your theory is totally wrong. It has nothing to do with your fancy grad school. You probably were attractive in grad school but not the “right kind” of attractive or you lacked self confidence. I had a beautiful college classmate who got no attention when she was in high school. She’s more salma Hayek than Jennifer Anniston. But once she went to college and the world opened so to speak suddenly she was getting plenty of reach out from high school. I am pretty sure your theory is wrong. You got a glow up and you didn’t notice. And from the way you speak about yourself you lacked confidence in high school - people notice this.

+1. Glow up + grad school news teed up hearing she was single. Nothing more than mid 20s men in her high school alumni network eager to find a nice spouse. This exact thing happens ALL THE TIME and regularly leads to marriage of two reconnected classmates.

Lol yeah it’s laughable she thinks men got hard because she got into some lame Masters’ program.

Also could have been related to logistics. If her master’s program was in Boston or New York City, it’s obviously perfectly natural for single male alumni from her private school to want to re-connect if they live there too. Maybe she’ll return after reading this and admit the mea culpa. Could be cathartic to admit she was wrong and had this silly animosity stewing for all these years about something so natural and common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I will say as a working-class public school kid is that (elite) private school kids very obviously engage differently in college seminars. In general, they seem much better prepared for a rigorous liberal arts structure in terms of critical reasoning and engaging with instructors. Might have something to do with small classes and being used a similar dynamic with their high school teachers- I found it such a clear differentiator (and quite intimidating) as a freshman at a middle Ivy.

Maybe I lucked out but my public school had great teachers, especially in English and History, who spent tons of extra time and one-on-one time with us.

How do you know they were great? Compared to what? This is what people mean when they say public school alumni are sort of clueless about how public and private school shape us so differently. And those differences are with you for life. OP thinks on paper she’s the same as her sorority sisters—even raised in the same towns. And you think your public teachers were “great” and you received private-tier instruction. Yet people in the know quickly detect you nor OP were private school lifers. While OP’s frumpy prep school sorority sisters had no shortage of ambitious young doctors and other boys from proper backgrounds eager to marry them.

Most doctors are umc public school kids who marry other public school kids. Lol.