Both my husband and I have no friends

[Anonymous]

Asperger’s! It’s not a defect or fault, it’s a different neurological wiring. My husband and both kids are like this. It will take extra effort and persistence to make friends. That is the paradigm of autism. But your neurodivergence comes with strengths too—typically once you establish a solid connection, you will be a loyal, considerate, supportive friend. Consider yourself and your husband a diamonds in the rough!

[Anonymous]

OP, DH and I faced the same situation and what worked well for us was starting to wear wool hats all the time, and I mean all the time. At home, in the car, outside, at the store, anywhere you go. It takes a little getting used to but there's something about the "vibe" wool hats give off that really connects you to people and them to you. We went from being lonely onlys to having a few friends to having many wonderful friends. People sometimes ask us why we always have the wool hats on and we just, a "friend" recommended them and laugh. May work for you to, plenty of wool hats (and friends) to go around. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Idk about other posters with similar problems but I am willing to bet that the couple in OP is on the spectrum, even if extremely HF.

[Anonymous]

This thread made me realize how many mom friends I loathe because my kid became highly selective about his friends if not outright antisocial when he was about 7, and when he mellowed out after Covid (surprisingly; I think not having to go to school helped with what I now see as social anxiety) he was too old for arranged play dates. Covid also got in the way of my friendships and then the final nail in the coffin was all the conflicts since 2022 which took people apart politically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, DH and I faced the same situation and what worked well for us was starting to wear wool hats all the time, and I mean all the time. At home, in the car, outside, at the store, anywhere you go. It takes a little getting used to but there's something about the "vibe" wool hats give off that really connects you to people and them to you. We went from being lonely onlys to having a few friends to having many wonderful friends. People sometimes ask us why we always have the wool hats on and we just, a "friend" recommended them and laugh. May work for you to, plenty of wool hats (and friends) to go around. Good luck!

My DW and I did the same thing but with barrettes in our hair. We wore them everywhere! (even work) We went from zeros to heroes! We now have more friend requests than we can handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me realize how many mom friends I loathe because my kid became highly selective about his friends if not outright antisocial when he was about 7, and when he mellowed out after Covid (surprisingly; I think not having to go to school helped with what I now see as social anxiety) he was too old for arranged play dates. Covid also got in the way of my friendships and then the final nail in the coffin was all the conflicts since 2022 which took people apart politically.

It's amazing how many women can't be friends with people who have differing political views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, DH and I faced the same situation and what worked well for us was starting to wear wool hats all the time, and I mean all the time. At home, in the car, outside, at the store, anywhere you go. It takes a little getting used to but there's something about the "vibe" wool hats give off that really connects you to people and them to you. We went from being lonely onlys to having a few friends to having many wonderful friends. People sometimes ask us why we always have the wool hats on and we just, a "friend" recommended them and laugh. May work for you to, plenty of wool hats (and friends) to go around. Good luck!

Do you also wear t-shirt shorts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be well liked, social savvy and not have friends. A piece is missing here.

I am not sure how you figure out what you are missing, but you have to dig deeper.

This happens a lot actually. Especially with busy people who don't have an activity conducive to meeting people outside of work. Religious people, runners, pickle ball players, etc. have an easier time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me realize how many mom friends I loathe because my kid became highly selective about his friends if not outright antisocial when he was about 7, and when he mellowed out after Covid (surprisingly; I think not having to go to school helped with what I now see as social anxiety) he was too old for arranged play dates. Covid also got in the way of my friendships and then the final nail in the coffin was all the conflicts since 2022 which took people apart politically.

You loathe mom friends because your kid in antisocial? You should reread your thread. This seems more like a you problem.

I have plenty of friends that I may have met through my kids but my kids are not friends. They are most opposite sex classmates though.

[Anonymous]

ASD. Object permanence, the need to be alone or with other ASDs.
My ASD boss again told me how he doesn't care about anyone or anything. I believe him.
He was arguing with his fling. I think it's so over. He has no friends and just wants to be alone.
I don't mind such people at all, but they do get in relationships and then insist non ASD partner dump their friends also.
I go locked out of the house for going to see a friend. Abuse to me. Showing they care to them.

[Anonymous]

1. When you meet with people, do you guys laugh together?

2. I read that you are a good listener but do you throw bits of yourself and your views and your stories into the conversation? Being told repeatedly you are a good listener makes me think you are in a therapy session, not that you are in a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be well liked, social savvy and not have friends. A piece is missing here.

I am not sure how you figure out what you are missing, but you have to dig deeper.

The very first red flag is both are only 40, so millennials who went to college with Facebook and smart phones, and they have maintained literally zero friends from college? This isn't a new phenomenon, their issues go back literally decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you two have close family. Are your parents alive?

Because they both abandoned them and moved across the country for soulless careers. Getting college grads to abandon their families to seek jobs in 10 largest major metros has to have been the biggest scam ever pulled. Gutted families, hollowed out entire swaths of the nation, low birth rates because nobody has nearby family to help raise kids, and has led to a loneliness and depression epidemic we will never solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me realize how many mom friends I loathe because my kid became highly selective about his friends if not outright antisocial when he was about 7, and when he mellowed out after Covid (surprisingly; I think not having to go to school helped with what I now see as social anxiety) he was too old for arranged play dates. Covid also got in the way of my friendships and then the final nail in the coffin was all the conflicts since 2022 which took people apart politically.

How was any of the first 3/4s of this post the moms' fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I find that many people here enjoys excluding other people just because they weren’t born here and speak with an accent. The social environment changed negatively in the last decade. I’d suggest you try joining a hobby club and let things flow.

Or a religious organization.

+1. Best advice by a mile. Even if you're not super into whatever religion you and your husband were raised with, give it another chance, be positive, and I guarantee you will make some new friends. If nothing else, you're going to be surrounded by really nice people an hour or so every week.