Extracurriculars you regret supporting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far no one has mentioned they regretted having their kids in club swimming..I have a 9 year old in club swimming so good to hear! Although the time commitment gets pretty brutal by the teen years, no one regrets it?

I enjoyed swimming when I was a kid, but I definitely regret swimming in high school. The time commitment was insane preventing me from trying other clubs and activities, and I found it hard to be a part of other friends groups besides the swim team. Being in a swimsuit daily and a coach who thought he had the right to monitor our weight caused body image problems that lead to an eating disorder. Morning practices meant I was always sleep deprived. My skin was always dry and I smelled like chlorine, and the chlorine fumes would sometimes mess with my lungs and eyes during practices. It all ended up being for nothing because I was so burnt out and decided to pass on a college swimming scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Horseback riding, expensive and not sustainable as a hobby.

Why? I’m an adult who rides as a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there were more rec leagues for late bloomers. My DS is in middle school and getting really into baseball and basketball ball but has sort of missed the boat when it comes to playing on a team because he just wasn't interested when he was younger.

Not sure where you are, but Montgomery County runs a fantastic winter rec basketball program. My older started in 1st grade and played through HS, and his senior year there were 8 teams from his HS alone in the league. He and a lot of the other kids played a travel sport as well, but the rec league was a really fun opportunity to play with and against your school and neighborhood friends. My DD played rec MSI soccer through HS as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Rehearsal schedules are intense but the rest I don’t agree. Theater is by far the most inclusive and diverse group of people we and our kids interacted with.

Just goes to show maybe the activity isn’t the problem. It’s the organization you happen to pick.

That's been our experience too. I really haven't seen any emphasis on physical cuteness or appearance, and generally parents aren't involved at all. I feel like maybe that poster found a particularly toxic theater program. In general, community theater is an awesome, inclusive group of people of all ages and backgrounds. It's one of the most awesome things about community theater.
Yeah, rehearsal schedules can be super-intense. I like that it's for a clearly defined period of time though, rather than never-ending sports practices that roll from one season into another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In general, community theater is an awesome, inclusive group of people of all ages and backgrounds. It's one of the most awesome things about community theater.
.

I think this is the big difference. I regret a lot of the outside private more toxic theater programs we participated in. Crazy expensive for not much learning going on (unless you were in a lead roles). My kid had a much more positive experiences in the community and school shows they participated in. I got sucked into the private theater programs because I fell into the thinking trap that more time and money would equal a better experience when it really was the opposite for us. I agree that community theater is wonderful but most private programs (near me) did more harm than good (for my kid).

[Anonymous]

I really haven't seen any emphasis on physical cuteness or appearance, and generally parents aren't involved at all. I feel like maybe that poster found a particularly toxic theater program. In general, community theater is an awesome, inclusive group of people of all ages and backgrounds. It's one of the most awesome things about community theater.

Reposting because I messed up the quoting before lol


I think this is the big difference. I regret a lot of the outside private more toxic theater programs we participated in. Crazy expensive for not much learning going on (unless you were in a lead roles). My kid had a much more positive experiences in the community and school shows they participated in. I got sucked into the private theater programs because I fell into the thinking trap that more time and money would equal a better experience when it really was the opposite for us. I agree that community theater is wonderful but most private programs (near me) did more harm than good (for my kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This area is competitive, selective, and has a lot of parents with a lot of money.

This is true of almost any urban or suburban area in America. You might be surprised how much worse Texas, CO, and CA can be than here, or even Florida where certain sports never stop. I don't think it's at all specific to DC/NOVA/MD.

I hear in other parts of the country, kids get homeschooled and such when they are really good at sports. That would be unheard of (or really frowned upon) here.

That happens in the DC area, as well. I know of several kids who have special school arrangements to allow them to play their sport.

All of the kids that I know were really good, were steered by college recruiters toward an academy that had a modified school schedule on site/adjacent to facility or to a power high school for whichever sport in one region. Know two from this area at golf academies, one in FL and one in SC, one at a top hockey club in FL that has an agreement with a private school, one at a riding academy in FL, one at a top basketball school in CA, and one at IMG don't remember the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish there were more rec leagues for late bloomers. My DS is in middle school and getting really into baseball and basketball ball but has sort of missed the boat when it comes to playing on a team because he just wasn't interested when he was younger.

Not sure where you are, but Montgomery County runs a fantastic winter rec basketball program. My older started in 1st grade and played through HS, and his senior year there were 8 teams from his HS alone in the league. He and a lot of the other kids played a travel sport as well, but the rec league was a really fun opportunity to play with and against your school and neighborhood friends. My DD played rec MSI soccer through HS as well.

Arlington also has a strong basketball rec league and my son has friends in Fairfax and Alexandria that still play in rec leagues. These are 13 and 14 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far no one has mentioned they regretted having their kids in club swimming..I have a 9 year old in club swimming so good to hear! Although the time commitment gets pretty brutal by the teen years, no one regrets it?

I enjoyed swimming when I was a kid, but I definitely regret swimming in high school. The time commitment was insane preventing me from trying other clubs and activities, and I found it hard to be a part of other friends groups besides the swim team. Being in a swimsuit daily and a coach who thought he had the right to monitor our weight caused body image problems that lead to an eating disorder. Morning practices meant I was always sleep deprived. My skin was always dry and I smelled like chlorine, and the chlorine fumes would sometimes mess with my lungs and eyes during practices. It all ended up being for nothing because I was so burnt out and decided to pass on a college swimming scholarship.

Another former swimmer who regrets doing it at such a high level. I spent my teen years absurdly sleep deprived and underweight from overtraining and disordered eating. It was also hugely disappointing and demoralizing to realize success was based mostly on genetics and I would never be college scholarship material despite taking it more seriously than anyone else on the team. And despite all the time I put into it, the other girls on the team excluded me quite a bit so I didn’t have good friends from the team. I still think swimming is a great sport, but I would have been a lot better off with 3-4 practices rather than 10. In general, I think it’s a shame that so many kids’ activities are so “serious” and wish there were more opportunities to participate in a more balanced way and that there wasn’t such a culture of extreme levels of participation being treated as morally superior.

[Anonymous]

Don't regret: theater, Girl Scouts

[Anonymous]

Regret: Girl Scouts (leader was racist and didn't like me and told her DD to stop being friends with mine), track and field (bad for knees), school volleyball (bullying)

In the middle: Gymnastics (fun but it's such a high injury sport), American Heritage Girls (my kids loved it but it was expensive), out-of-school theater (the first theater program had lots of favoritism in casting and they chose a play where the main character had 85% of the lines, second program wasn't run well and was too far away but the actual performance was good), rec volleyball (schedule was hard for us)

Don't regret: Rec soccer, dance, school theater, all school clubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I really haven't seen any emphasis on physical cuteness or appearance, and generally parents aren't involved at all. I feel like maybe that poster found a particularly toxic theater program. In general, community theater is an awesome, inclusive group of people of all ages and backgrounds. It's one of the most awesome things about community theater.

Reposting because I messed up the quoting before lol


I think this is the big difference. I regret a lot of the outside private more toxic theater programs we participated in. Crazy expensive for not much learning going on (unless you were in a lead roles). My kid had a much more positive experiences in the community and school shows they participated in. I got sucked into the private theater programs because I fell into the thinking trap that more time and money would equal a better experience when it really was the opposite for us. I agree that community theater is wonderful but most private programs (near me) did more harm than good (for my kid).

Would you mind revealing the names of some of the toxic theater programs? I worry about this too for my theater-obsessed kid and don't really know which ones are good and which ones are awful.

[Anonymous]

Just a note really:

In suburban areas with large high schools the good old days before club/travel teams in a variety of sports did not mean that everyone who wanted got a chance to play. Largely kids who were early maturing and good athletes moved from being on the fall teams to the winter teams, and then to the spring teams. Go look at yearbooks from the 70s and 80s.

Now, more kids play because more kids are good at specific sports. The football running back may be a good athlete, but he isn’t as good a baseball player as the kids who played travel baseball. Different kids make/play on different teams. And, of course, there are simply more sports to play than in the past. Still, overall, specialization means more kids are playing school sports.

[Anonymous]

Don't understand the hate on horses. Riding has been an amazing growth opportunity for our DS. Don't regret any of it and DS is riding for enjoyment while away at college. I expect him to always want to be around/near horses.

Don't regret a single extracurricular our kids tried, and they all tried several before finding their thing around start of HS. Reason for lack of regret is that we only allowed one (sometimes two) activities per kid at a time to manage budget and schedule. We allowed our kids to quit an activity when a season/play/whatever ended if they didn't like it. We stayed within our budget. We did it for their growth and enjoyment and not because we thought it would gain a college scholarship.