New observation: Men now want high earning women

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

+1. A man making really good money doesn't care if his wife makes money. He is looking for a woman who will be a great mother to his children and build a legacy. A tale as old as time.

+1

It's funny listening to women tell men about what they are looking for in a woman. Yes, many younger guys seek out women who have a decent income. They do this because most of these guys are broke. They are simply being practical. But guys don't care about how smart you are or if you're educated. And when guys have money, it's all about looks and personality.

I don’t know what investment you have in this narrative, but it’s not true. And you clearly are old and don’t know young men. We are living in a dual income society, even at the top. Young men want and need peers so they come out on top.

The older male partners at my firm all have SAH wives, and I had a higher HHI than them, even before my husband made partner. It’s awkward to be richer than your bosses, and young men see the writing on the wall and don’t want to live like that.

Lady, you have no idea what you are talking about. I couldn't imagine telling a woman about what women really want . Your little world obviously revolves around striver types at law firms whose main goal in life is to make as much money as possible. Those people are in no way representative of guys in general.

We aren't talking about guys in general. Most guys are losers who will never amount to much. The guys with the high earning wives are also high earning themselves. What are your deep insights into those particular pairings? Because you seem totally out of touch and clueless with those types of couples.

Higher earning guys don't really care about your career or how much money you make. Guys are not impressed with how smart you think you are or your dumb job. When women brag about these things, it's a red flag. I think you are trying to draw conclusions from your little law firm that just aren't that accurate.

I don't think for a second you are what I would consider "high earning" and you don't sound like anyone an accomplished woman would give the time of day. Nobody is talking about people like you but you keep chiming in like you have any relevant input.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its slightly different -- high earning, well educated men want women with similar levels of education. They don't want an undereducated (relatively speaking) woman to have children with and to raise their children. This means highly educated men marry highly educated women, who, not surprisingly, often end up in well paying careers. So, it's the education that really matters, not the high salary. HLS big law partners are going to marry similarly educated women, who may also end up in big law and earn $$$, but who often end up in lower paid positions (e.g., at NGOs, fed govt, etc.) after kids due to the time demands. The SAHMs who never end up going back are not the ones with JDs from HLS or PhDs from Chicago...

This. It’s also about marrying someone with self-confidence who believes they have something to contribute to the world. I think the self-confidence is key to being able to project yourself into a public role. It’s not that nurturing a family isn’t important. But it doesn’t require you to deal with a public role and be accountable to people in a public capacity. That can be very nerve wracking for some people.

TLDR; confident men go for confident women. That usually translates as some parity in education or career.

And a lot of umc parenting nowadays requires the mom to have awareness of certain things and not be out of that world. Look at applying to college, for example . A mom who went to an Ivy and, say, works at a nonprofit after leaving Wall Street has the awareness and is current and can help and has the time and can help her kid talk to people in her network who went to different schools. Versus your sahm who never went back and never had a career or impressive education.

Non profit is not earning money is she. Very different from the original claim of two big earning jobs and having the money to outsource everything else.

She's also not staying home letting her spouse be the sole breadwinner. She's educated, employed, and has a lot of potential. She's not just hot and sweet, which is all that matters supposedly to a few people chiming in on what men really want. They think it's just a coincidence she is also Ivy educated and the man gave not a thought in the world about her values and background.

I don’t know what to say. Technically that high rolling lifestyle is funded by the DH with the big job. It’s cute she has that nice non profit job but once it detracts from vacationing during the summer or the volunteering at the children’s school it becomes a negative.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy who dated college girls in college, waitresses when I was a bartender, beach bunnies when I spent a year surfing, and then law students when I was in law school. Why did I marry the law student? She was hot, smart, and kind. But a poor student at the time, just like me. Her future income potential never entered my mind, it was more like my wild days were over and it was time to settle down.

You are 70 years old, and have been out of the dating world for a long time.

Uh... I'm 41

How much do you make/net worth?

Nothing crazy. Together we make about 400k, which is of course huge for most people, but not big law partner money. My wife makes a little more than me. I can’t say that I am happier now then when we had nothing. More money, more stress, less freedom.

Sorry that's not really a lot of money. Like marries like. You sound average married to another average person.

Yeah. I wasn’t bragging about money. We still have more than I ever expected. I care about my wife being hot, kind, adventurous and really into sex. I never considered her earning potential as a factor when we dating or engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its slightly different -- high earning, well educated men want women with similar levels of education. They don't want an undereducated (relatively speaking) woman to have children with and to raise their children. This means highly educated men marry highly educated women, who, not surprisingly, often end up in well paying careers. So, it's the education that really matters, not the high salary. HLS big law partners are going to marry similarly educated women, who may also end up in big law and earn $$$, but who often end up in lower paid positions (e.g., at NGOs, fed govt, etc.) after kids due to the time demands. The SAHMs who never end up going back are not the ones with JDs from HLS or PhDs from Chicago...

This. It’s also about marrying someone with self-confidence who believes they have something to contribute to the world. I think the self-confidence is key to being able to project yourself into a public role. It’s not that nurturing a family isn’t important. But it doesn’t require you to deal with a public role and be accountable to people in a public capacity. That can be very nerve wracking for some people.

TLDR; confident men go for confident women. That usually translates as some parity in education or career.

And a lot of umc parenting nowadays requires the mom to have awareness of certain things and not be out of that world. Look at applying to college, for example . A mom who went to an Ivy and, say, works at a nonprofit after leaving Wall Street has the awareness and is current and can help and has the time and can help her kid talk to people in her network who went to different schools. Versus your sahm who never went back and never had a career or impressive education.

Non profit is not earning money is she. Very different from the original claim of two big earning jobs and having the money to outsource everything else.

She's also not staying home letting her spouse be the sole breadwinner. She's educated, employed, and has a lot of potential. She's not just hot and sweet, which is all that matters supposedly to a few people chiming in on what men really want. They think it's just a coincidence she is also Ivy educated and the man gave not a thought in the world about her values and background.

I don’t know what to say. Technically that high rolling lifestyle is funded by the DH with the big job. It’s cute she has that nice non profit job but once it detracts from vacationing during the summer or the volunteering at the children’s school it becomes a negative.

The husband could have married anyone. It's a big wide world out there, but he ended up with someone a lot like himself. It's a mystery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

+1. A man making really good money doesn't care if his wife makes money. He is looking for a woman who will be a great mother to his children and build a legacy. A tale as old as time.

+1

It's funny listening to women tell men about what they are looking for in a woman. Yes, many younger guys seek out women who have a decent income. They do this because most of these guys are broke. They are simply being practical. But guys don't care about how smart you are or if you're educated. And when guys have money, it's all about looks and personality.

I don’t know what investment you have in this narrative, but it’s not true. And you clearly are old and don’t know young men. We are living in a dual income society, even at the top. Young men want and need peers so they come out on top.

The older male partners at my firm all have SAH wives, and I had a higher HHI than them, even before my husband made partner. It’s awkward to be richer than your bosses, and young men see the writing on the wall and don’t want to live like that.

Lady, you have no idea what you are talking about. I couldn't imagine telling a woman about what women really want . Your little world obviously revolves around striver types at law firms whose main goal in life is to make as much money as possible. Those people are in no way representative of guys in general.

We aren't talking about guys in general. Most guys are losers who will never amount to much. The guys with the high earning wives are also high earning themselves. What are your deep insights into those particular pairings? Because you seem totally out of touch and clueless with those types of couples.

Higher earning guys don't really care about your career or how much money you make. Guys are not impressed with how smart you think you are or your dumb job. When women brag about these things, it's a red flag. I think you are trying to draw conclusions from your little law firm that just aren't that accurate.

You keep assuming what you’re seeking to prove. As someone who went to elite schools, has lots of friends, and is under 40, you sound like you stepped out of a time machine (or maybe just a plane from the Middle East). I don’t have any particular dog in the fight. I married in my 20s, had a successful career, then started working a very part time hobby job when my husband hit 7 figures. I’m just observing how wrong you are if we are really talking about modern dating. I assume you’re an old guy trying to pick up young and naive girls. Not relevant to the discussion of marriage patterns by young people.

[Anonymous]

Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its slightly different -- high earning, well educated men want women with similar levels of education. They don't want an undereducated (relatively speaking) woman to have children with and to raise their children. This means highly educated men marry highly educated women, who, not surprisingly, often end up in well paying careers. So, it's the education that really matters, not the high salary. HLS big law partners are going to marry similarly educated women, who may also end up in big law and earn $$$, but who often end up in lower paid positions (e.g., at NGOs, fed govt, etc.) after kids due to the time demands. The SAHMs who never end up going back are not the ones with JDs from HLS or PhDs from Chicago...

This. It’s also about marrying someone with self-confidence who believes they have something to contribute to the world. I think the self-confidence is key to being able to project yourself into a public role. It’s not that nurturing a family isn’t important. But it doesn’t require you to deal with a public role and be accountable to people in a public capacity. That can be very nerve wracking for some people.

TLDR; confident men go for confident women. That usually translates as some parity in education or career.

And a lot of umc parenting nowadays requires the mom to have awareness of certain things and not be out of that world. Look at applying to college, for example . A mom who went to an Ivy and, say, works at a nonprofit after leaving Wall Street has the awareness and is current and can help and has the time and can help her kid talk to people in her network who went to different schools. Versus your sahm who never went back and never had a career or impressive education.

Non profit is not earning money is she. Very different from the original claim of two big earning jobs and having the money to outsource everything else.

She's also not staying home letting her spouse be the sole breadwinner. She's educated, employed, and has a lot of potential. She's not just hot and sweet, which is all that matters supposedly to a few people chiming in on what men really want. They think it's just a coincidence she is also Ivy educated and the man gave not a thought in the world about her values and background.

I don’t know what to say. Technically that high rolling lifestyle is funded by the DH with the big job. It’s cute she has that nice non profit job but once it detracts from vacationing during the summer or the volunteering at the children’s school it becomes a negative.

The husband could have married anyone. It's a big wide world out there, but he ended up with someone a lot like himself. It's a mystery.

He married the person he was most likely to meet at college or his work. But if she wasn’t attractive to him she could have ten degrees and make a million dollars and it won’t work.

[Anonymous]

Many men get SAHM wives not because they wanted one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its slightly different -- high earning, well educated men want women with similar levels of education. They don't want an undereducated (relatively speaking) woman to have children with and to raise their children. This means highly educated men marry highly educated women, who, not surprisingly, often end up in well paying careers. So, it's the education that really matters, not the high salary. HLS big law partners are going to marry similarly educated women, who may also end up in big law and earn $$$, but who often end up in lower paid positions (e.g., at NGOs, fed govt, etc.) after kids due to the time demands. The SAHMs who never end up going back are not the ones with JDs from HLS or PhDs from Chicago...

This. It’s also about marrying someone with self-confidence who believes they have something to contribute to the world. I think the self-confidence is key to being able to project yourself into a public role. It’s not that nurturing a family isn’t important. But it doesn’t require you to deal with a public role and be accountable to people in a public capacity. That can be very nerve wracking for some people.

TLDR; confident men go for confident women. That usually translates as some parity in education or career.

And a lot of umc parenting nowadays requires the mom to have awareness of certain things and not be out of that world. Look at applying to college, for example . A mom who went to an Ivy and, say, works at a nonprofit after leaving Wall Street has the awareness and is current and can help and has the time and can help her kid talk to people in her network who went to different schools. Versus your sahm who never went back and never had a career or impressive education.

Non profit is not earning money is she. Very different from the original claim of two big earning jobs and having the money to outsource everything else.

She's also not staying home letting her spouse be the sole breadwinner. She's educated, employed, and has a lot of potential. She's not just hot and sweet, which is all that matters supposedly to a few people chiming in on what men really want. They think it's just a coincidence she is also Ivy educated and the man gave not a thought in the world about her values and background.

I don’t know what to say. Technically that high rolling lifestyle is funded by the DH with the big job. It’s cute she has that nice non profit job but once it detracts from vacationing during the summer or the volunteering at the children’s school it becomes a negative.

The husband could have married anyone. It's a big wide world out there, but he ended up with someone a lot like himself. It's a mystery.

He married the person he was most likely to meet at college or his work. But if she wasn’t attractive to him she could have ten degrees and make a million dollars and it won’t work.

It's funny how this keeps happening over and over again. It's almost as if it's a trend with a name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

That doesn’t at all contradict the premise of this thread.

[Anonymous]

ask that high earner if he is cheating on his sahm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

Table 5 comparing coefficients in spouses education between men and women especially interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

That doesn’t at all contradict the premise of this thread.

It does. High earning income potential is not significant unless you aren’t a high earning man. Then you actually need the income to make up your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

I a woman and agree with this statistics. It's rather selection by the women who they marry, not men wanting higher earning spouses. If I make myself 300k I would expect my partner to make at least that much. And it will be very demeaning for most men to know they make less than their wife.

In my first marriage (which ended in divorce due to alpha male exH cheating), I brought nothing financially besides a really good education, my youth, fertility and the looks. I am a great cook, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of relying on anecdotes oh look another recent study about elite one percenters. I am too lazy to summarize but women’s incomes inconsequential in 85 percent of top one percent elite households. Also high performing women only married high performing men but high performing men married more economically diverse women. Sorry to burst your bubble… again.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122418820702

That doesn’t at all contradict the premise of this thread.

It does. High earning income potential is not significant unless you aren’t a high earning man. Then you actually need the income to make up your lifestyle.

This doesn’t narrow down the relevant age range, so it’s not relevant to the question of dating/spouse selection. Many women of rich men downshift, not because they can’t make more money, but because they don’t have to. But at the time of spouse selection, men don’t know if they’re being to be career successes or not, and younger men understand spouse selection is a bet hedge.