The divide gets bigger as you get older...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

This is so much money, but it doesn’t set off any jealousy in me at all. We earn 250k, split right down the middle between DH and myself, and we have ample time. With our kids, with each other, with friends, with our aging parents. We own our house, have short commutes, will be able to retire and never live in poverty. Why do people contort their lives for vast amounts of money and then sacrifice the things that make life good?

DP. Because they are likely more professionally ambitious than you.. It’s like the kid that wanted an A in every class (and put in the time to do it) vs the kid who was fine with a B (and more free time). Different strokes for different folks.

This would follow if ambition and professional achievement were tied directly to financial gain. But the most respected, successful journalists, educators, scientists will not be earning as much as the middle band of people in finance or corporate law or whatever. You can take your career very seriously and never see that reflected in your income. Unless by “professionally ambitious” you mean “motivated by money.”

exactly!!!

I have a cousin who went to elite school, phd, academically and professionally published civil engineer and she only has an income of 250k. She is a professor.

her husband is a software engineer. Yes they made mid six figures but they will never make over 1 million a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the sentiment. From my college/post-college friend group there are three tracks. All three sets are in the top 20% of national income, but reflect the realities of a post-ivy education.

1) Non-profit world or similar. Lower incomes, but interesting jobs. But clearly needs to watch spending, and can't really do blow out european trips regularly. Can't afford expensive housing markets like DC and either rent or move to further out suburbs. We're talking <150K/year, so not poor by any means.

2) successful, but not too stressed. got that law degree or med school degree, but in-house or is a HMO pediatrician. good incomes and a decent amount of time to enjoy their lives. Travels frequently abroad (but not always first class, unless they have lots of airline miles) and own a home in nice inner suburbs or the city. Is thinking about a modest vacation cabin on the lake or a small boat. Usually still married to first spouse. Can afford an elite private school, but it is their biggest expense. Think more like 400K/year as a midpoint for a dual-income couple, with one spouse on a 'parent-track' job.

3) uber-professionally successful. went into private equity or is a high stress surgeon type with their own practice. honestly I don't see these friends much anymore, but most have had multiple weddings. They don't really see their kids too often, but their trips seem to be first class/private vacations to exotic locals. Eats out very frequently at the best places. Not clear if they own or rent properties, but they live in great locations. We're in the 2M+ range of salary. Note: a few friends are in the category since they inherited wealth.

We're in the middle of the pack. I do sometimes get resentful of the last category when my flight gets delayed and I wish I could just charter my own jet. But I'm very happy with our life. We own a nice 4bd/3ba on a leafy street that is walking distance to the office and schools. I'm not just cut out for the high stress life.

My friend group is different. I would say low end is 200k, mid is 500 and high is $1m+. We are in the higher group and I guess we are working rich. We look at people who sold a company or made a killing in crypto and know we will never earn that much. We probably earn the most but we are not the richest. I consider ourselves UMC. I feel the rich are mostly generational wealth or the crypto millionaires.

This is my circle in a nutshell. We are all in our mid 30s and most are pulling in 300-600k HHI. None of our friends have stay at home spouses and are all professionals. We are probably on the higher end but some of our friends will get 10M + inheritances so obviously that will change things. We are starting to see a slight divide between the low end and mid-to higher end. The mid to higher end all belong to golf clubs, host each other at the course/pools, private school for young kids, live closer due to home prices, discuss our tax strategies, etc.

Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

I love this perspective.
..and to my self-righteous millennial friends, snap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

So this!

Well, I'm glad I've had an interesting career and that I didn't get caught up into lifestyle inflation that I see in my wealthier friends. If you save and invest 15% of your income throughout your career, you'll usually have more than plenty for retirement. I don't need as much money to retire as they do because I don't enjoy spending as much. I think in the end you care most what you did with your time, what experiences you've had and the quality of your relationships.

Clearly, this poster has never had to buy a new roof or pay for a special needs kid's private school. It's not "lifestyle inflation", it's just life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

This is so much money, but it doesn’t set off any jealousy in me at all. We earn 250k, split right down the middle between DH and myself, and we have ample time. With our kids, with each other, with friends, with our aging parents. We own our house, have short commutes, will be able to retire and never live in poverty. Why do people contort their lives for vast amounts of money and then sacrifice the things that make life good?

DP. Because they are likely more professionally ambitious than you.. It’s like the kid that wanted an A in every class (and put in the time to do it) vs the kid who was fine with a B (and more free time). Different strokes for different folks.

.
This would follow if ambition and professional achievement were tied directly to financial gain. But the most respected, successful journalists, educators, scientists will not be earning as much as the middle band of people in finance or corporate law or whatever. You can take your career very seriously and never see that reflected in your income. Unless by “professionally ambitious” you mean “motivated by money.”

exactly!!!

I have a cousin who went to elite school, phd, academically and professionally published civil engineer and she only has an income of 250k. She is a professor.

her husband is a software engineer. Yes they made mid six figures but they will never make over 1 million a year.

Ummm she is making really good money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our 20s, my peer group consisted of non-profits, consultants, law school students, first and second-year lawyers, and a few engineers. The differences between us didn't seem huge, we went to bars, lived in apartments and group houses, dated, went on lame vacations with our parents or not at all... you all know that life. Were all basically kind of the same poor"ish". A few of my friends threw down lots of money shopping, or had slightly nicer apartments, but the financial differences between us all seemed minimal.

But I'm 45 now, and the discrepancies between those who chose high-paying careers and those who didn't seem huge. The differences in earnings just compounded over time. If I had been able to fully internalize and visualize the difference between a for-profit and non-profit career.

It’s ok, they’re working in soul killing corporate jobs. Im like you but not jealous. Love that i chose a do gooder career and my spouse too.

I'm the OP, and let me be clear. Our HHI is $700k. I'm not jealous. I am observing the differences in life options and outcomes beaded on career paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

This is so much money, but it doesn’t set off any jealousy in me at all. We earn 250k, split right down the middle between DH and myself, and we have ample time. With our kids, with each other, with friends, with our aging parents. We own our house, have short commutes, will be able to retire and never live in poverty. Why do people contort their lives for vast amounts of money and then sacrifice the things that make life good?

DP. Because they are likely more professionally ambitious than you.. It’s like the kid that wanted an A in every class (and put in the time to do it) vs the kid who was fine with a B (and more free time). Different strokes for different folks.

.
This would follow if ambition and professional achievement were tied directly to financial gain. But the most respected, successful journalists, educators, scientists will not be earning as much as the middle band of people in finance or corporate law or whatever. You can take your career very seriously and never see that reflected in your income. Unless by “professionally ambitious” you mean “motivated by money.”

exactly!!!

I have a cousin who went to elite school, phd, academically and professionally published civil engineer and she only has an income of 250k. She is a professor.

her husband is a software engineer. Yes they made mid six figures but they will never make over 1 million a year.

Ummm she is making really good money

Most professors make less than $100k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

This is so much money, but it doesn’t set off any jealousy in me at all. We earn 250k, split right down the middle between DH and myself, and we have ample time. With our kids, with each other, with friends, with our aging parents. We own our house, have short commutes, will be able to retire and never live in poverty. Why do people contort their lives for vast amounts of money and then sacrifice the things that make life good?

DP. Because they are likely more professionally ambitious than you.. It’s like the kid that wanted an A in every class (and put in the time to do it) vs the kid who was fine with a B (and more free time). Different strokes for different folks.

This would follow if ambition and professional achievement were tied directly to financial gain. But the most respected, successful journalists, educators, scientists will not be earning as much as the middle band of people in finance or corporate law or whatever. You can take your career very seriously and never see that reflected in your income. Unless by “professionally ambitious” you mean “motivated by money.”

exactly!!!

I have a cousin who went to elite school, phd, academically and professionally published civil engineer and she only has an income of 250k. She is a professor.

her husband is a software engineer. Yes they made mid six figures but they will never make over 1 million a year.

Software engineers can certainly make mid to high 6 figures once you count in bonuses, RSUs, and RSU refresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

So this!

Well, I'm glad I've had an interesting career and that I didn't get caught up into lifestyle inflation that I see in my wealthier friends. If you save and invest 15% of your income throughout your career, you'll usually have more than plenty for retirement. I don't need as much money to retire as they do because I don't enjoy spending as much. I think in the end you care most what you did with your time, what experiences you've had and the quality of your relationships.

Clearly, this poster has never had to buy a new roof or pay for a special needs kid's private school. It's not "lifestyle inflation", it's just life.

Well, I'm the PP and actually I do have a special needs kid, though in public school because in my experience the public schools handle it better than private-- but we sure have lots of extra doctor/OT/therapist visits as well as one parent needing to work part-time to handle all of it. And our eldest is at UVA right now costing 30k yr all in. And of course we have had to replace roofs and whatnot. Our HHI is around 110k for a family of 4. But even with all that, we have consistently saved 15% for retirement and it's going to be enough for retirement according to projections.

But our cars are basic and are 10 and 13 years old and our kitchen and baths have never been updated (and our house is about 50 years old) but I'd rather have a career I love than newer things. So as I mentioned--my lifestyle is not as inflated as my wealthier friends--but I don't mind because I'm happy with my life choices. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your health is your wealth, especially later in life. All the money in the world will not be enough if you are sick mentally or physically. Soooo many people I know have dropped dead early or gotten ill (cancer, strokes) or are mentally sick. Live your life for happiness not for making a mountain of money.

+1. I look like a Greek god and I have enough money for high quality food and to go on a few road trips every year and to maintain my hobbies, so why would I be upset about not making 500k a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is true. Early start is key. Focus on careers that help you establish yourself and are the best /most profitable match for your skill set.

We both went to a top 15 school - met after college through friends - big law/finance dual income in 20s and 30s. By mid 40s, we are senior in our respective careers with hhi of $4-7m per year.
Money is a non issue in our life.
Time is a more valuable commodity.

This is so much money, but it doesn’t set off any jealousy in me at all. We earn 250k, split right down the middle between DH and myself, and we have ample time. With our kids, with each other, with friends, with our aging parents. We own our house, have short commutes, will be able to retire and never live in poverty. Why do people contort their lives for vast amounts of money and then sacrifice the things that make life good?

DP. Because they are likely more professionally ambitious than you.. It’s like the kid that wanted an A in every class (and put in the time to do it) vs the kid who was fine with a B (and more free time). Different strokes for different folks.

This would follow if ambition and professional achievement were tied directly to financial gain. But the most respected, successful journalists, educators, scientists will not be earning as much as the middle band of people in finance or corporate law or whatever. You can take your career very seriously and never see that reflected in your income. Unless by “professionally ambitious” you mean “motivated by money.”

exactly!!!

I have a cousin who went to elite school, phd, academically and professionally published civil engineer and she only has an income of 250k. She is a professor.

her husband is a software engineer. Yes they made mid six figures but they will never make over 1 million a year.

"only has an income of 250k" .... and is a professor with that income? Oh, DCUM, you are always good for a laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh...

My DH and I both have midlevel jobs in our early 40s. I could stay where I am happily for the rest of my life. There is only one "one up" for my career, where I'd be the director of my dept, or maybe a "two up" where I'd be the director of my dept for multiple sites, but otherwise, that's it. I have NO desire to move into that role. I otherwise do my midlevel job well, like my boss, have great job flexibility, reasonable hours, and fair pay.

DH has a midlevel job, just below a senior role. He does his job well, is happy where he is, but has NO desire to be promoted. I think it's inevitable for him as he does his job extremely well, but also know he'd be perfectly happy to not take on that stress (stress is already enough of a problem for him in his current role).

Quality of life is a big thing for us. we have two kids, we both struggle with anxiety. As long as we can live very comfortably in our current salaries, that's fine.

We both can easily look at friends who are moving to senior roles in very successful and lucrative careers - but see their quality of life struggles - in some cases, affecting marriages, happiness, etc. - and say, "no thanks".

Underachievers.

If quality of life is their goal and they achieved it, they aren't underachievers, they just have different priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

I’d say 40-45. At that age, most are aware that there ain’t no more climbing that ladder. If there is, not worth the stress.

Agree, I'm 41 and very much there. It's not about being rich, it's about finding the right balance between having the money to live the way you want to without sacrificing your sanity. I want to spend time with my kids, not make partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

I’d say 40-45. At that age, most are aware that there ain’t no more climbing that ladder. If there is, not worth the stress.

Agree, I'm 41 and very much there. It's not about being rich, it's about finding the right balance between having the money to live the way you want to without sacrificing your sanity. I want to spend time with my kids, not make partner.

And yet, there's the poster who commented "under achiever" earlier. Really, it's about priorities and knowing what you'll regret when the end comes. For me, it won't be that I pursued a senior level in my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After about age 55 or so you start to care a lot less about whether you have had an “interesting” career and a lot more about whether you have enough money to retire in the next 10 years.

I’d say 40-45. At that age, most are aware that there ain’t no more climbing that ladder. If there is, not worth the stress.

Agree, I'm 41 and very much there. It's not about being rich, it's about finding the right balance between having the money to live the way you want to without sacrificing your sanity. I want to spend time with my kids, not make partner.

And yet, there's the poster who commented "under achiever" earlier. Really, it's about priorities and knowing what you'll regret when the end comes. For me, it won't be that I pursued a senior level in my career.

My regret will be that I didn’t post more about the “wealth divide” and perceived social status on an Internet forum that is anonymous.