The divide gets bigger as you get older...

[Anonymous]

As one of people who chose a lower paying career, I can say that

(1) yes, this divide exists, but it is up to you to decide how much you care. Do I care that I drive a Toyota while one of my best friends drives a Maserati? I do not. Do I care that he goes to Vail and Paris and Hawaii, while I go to Whitetop, and Boston and Rehoboth? I do not.

(2) People can be rich and not be jerks - my rich friends are generally great people, and don't flaunt their wealth or act like they are better than me because of their wealth.

(3) Wealth cannot buy respect - and my rich friends respect the decisions I've made and the way I live my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're happy and have a fulfilling career, so what?

That's exactly what I thought at 25, but I didn't realize how much of a difference income makes on every area of your life. Where you can live, where your kids go to school, when or if you can ever retire, if you can travel, if you can afford certain types of healthcare, how you live, the security you feel, the security you can offer your family (parents or children), etc.

It never ends.

Nonprofit attorney here. Agree. In my twenties I totally didn’t get that I needed to save for retirement, etc.

I think my friends who government attorney for the financial regulators etc hit the sweet spot. 200k or so income plus another income if they are married but decent hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And for women, very much who you marry. Would never have married someone the people my friends did thinking it sound too matter at the time but it really does.

So true, I noticed that too sometimes friends have good job, big house, many, no money in bank, then other friends have many rich friends, good times, small house, fat wallets, good times and no worries. Either way it's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you can't see on the surface is which people are in soul-killing jobs, whether they are paid well or not.

I assure you that there are plenty of soul-killing jobs that pay very poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you can't see on the surface is which people are in soul-killing jobs, whether they are paid well or not.

I assure you that there are plenty of soul-killing jobs that pay very poorly.

That's why I said "whether they are paid well or not."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And for women, very much who you marry. Would never have married someone the people my friends did thinking it sound too matter at the time but it really does.

I know who you didn't marry.. the grammar nazi.

Whom

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

This is why it’s important to let people itemize the bill when you go out. Don’t be one of those wealthier friends who insist it’s all comes out in the wash and it’s easier to split.

-nonprofit attorney with lots of big law friends

I love this point. I get really annoyed when I go out with my wealthy friends and they think it's "just easier" to split the bill after ordering way more drinks and food than me. It's always gross to sponge off your friends, but it's especially gross when you do it while making several multiplies their income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

This is why it’s important to let people itemize the bill when you go out. Don’t be one of those wealthier friends who insist it’s all comes out in the wash and it’s easier to split.

-nonprofit attorney with lots of big law friends

I love this point. I get really annoyed when I go out with my wealthy friends and they think it's "just easier" to split the bill after ordering way more drinks and food than me. It's always gross to sponge off your friends, but it's especially gross when you do it while making several multiplies their income.

Sorry your friends do this!!! I make a lot more than a lot of my friends and really try to avoid going out to eat together unless we choose someplace cheap or I treat. I would never ever spend more than them and split the bill. Yuck. Typically I just suggest we meet for a walk (free!) or coffee (cheap and easy to pay for just yourself).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

This is why it’s important to let people itemize the bill when you go out. Don’t be one of those wealthier friends who insist it’s all comes out in the wash and it’s easier to split.

-nonprofit attorney with lots of big law friends

I love this point. I get really annoyed when I go out with my wealthy friends and they think it's "just easier" to split the bill after ordering way more drinks and food than me. It's always gross to sponge off your friends, but it's especially gross when you do it while making several multiplies their income.

I’m a sahm but my husband earns a seven figure income so we have the highest HHI.

I can’t remember a time in all my life that we itemized the bill. If we went out in a group when we were in college, the bill was split evenly and now that we are in our 40s. I’m not a big drinker but I usually order appetizers. I think guys paid for me a lot when I was younger so I didn’t buy many (any?) drinks since I’m not a drinker anyways. When I go out to dinner, almost everyone orders drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any job is "soul-killing" if you make it so. The trick is to not care.

The divide becomes apparent starting around age 30 and people start moving into different directions based on income trajectories. Where they can buy houses, kids start going to private schools or not, the quality of travel and other leisurely activities. And it's become worse as the bulk of economic growth accrues to a smaller pool of professional occupations. Law, finance, consulting and tech have really run away with most of the salary growths compared to other sectors.

I agree... I would say now thought that divide REALLY takes off at age 33. Gen Z and the younger cohort of millennials have had to delay adulthood.

The cream really separates from the crops at age 33.

[Anonymous]

Yes, have known this all along. As a first generation American choosing a career without high earning potential was not even an option. We are both in health care and have a very comfortable life due to the direction and guidance that was provided to us early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Any job is "soul-killing" if you make it so. The trick is to not care.

The divide becomes apparent starting around age 30 and people start moving into different directions based on income trajectories. Where they can buy houses, kids start going to private schools or not, the quality of travel and other leisurely activities. And it's become worse as the bulk of economic growth accrues to a smaller pool of professional occupations. Law, finance, consulting and tech have really run away with most of the salary growths compared to other sectors.



I agree... I would say now thought that divide REALLY takes off at age 33. Gen Z and the younger cohort of millennials have had to delay adulthood.

The cream really separates from the crops at age 33.

I've never heard about cream on crops. I've heard that cream separates from milk and that wheat separates from chaff though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, have known this all along. As a first generation American choosing a career without high earning potential was not even an option. We are both in health care and have a very comfortable life due to the direction and guidance that was provided to us early on.

Gen X here who “followed their passion and money will follow”. Still waiting on the money.

My parents were here before the mayflower, but since we came from below deck there wasn’t much money and even less wisdom on how to earn it. They prioritized education, but that was the end goal: going to college. The assumption was after that money would be easy. That’s just the first step sadly.

[Anonymous]

Yes the divide is bigger, in part because of career path but also because of time spent. I am a woman who basically worked straight since law school - only took maternity time off - not bigger chunks. I'm 50 and have been working every year for 25 years.

But some friends took a lot of time off to have kids or did something and then went back to school and tried a new career and they just don't have 25 years in the same field working their way up - it's much harder to have money when you haven't worked that whole time.

[Anonymous]

Yes!! This is so spot on. I honestly didn't even understand what was happening, my husband and I reached 35 or so and suddenly felt so broke, which we had never felt in my life. We are in solid jobs (combined HHI $320) but our friends who were in law school, or went into tech, have just... Shot ahead of us while we weren't looking. I feel so blindsided and honestly, naive for how much I thought it didn't matter in our 20s.

We're both on the job market now trying to squeeze another $25k apiece. We'll never have Big Law salaries but honestly we've been a little lazy about maximizing our own potential.