Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Covid seems to have triggered a lot of abrupt marriage breakdowns. The British cookbook author Bee Wilson also wrote about how her husband abruptly walked out one day during the beginning of the pandemic, after bringing her her usual tea in bed and sending her his daily I love you text with 5 heart emojis. She says that he later left her a letter admitting there was another woman, and then she learned that he had used one of her recipes to make dinner to impress the OW.

This is so so classic. My husband used much of our past and things I had introduced him to, with his AP. It's eerie how often a man will take his girlfriend to the special romantic spot he always went with his wife.

Low-effort men are like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Covid seems to have triggered a lot of abrupt marriage breakdowns. The British cookbook author Bee Wilson also wrote about how her husband abruptly walked out one day during the beginning of the pandemic, after bringing her her usual tea in bed and sending her his daily I love you text with 5 heart emojis. She says that he later left her a letter admitting there was another woman, and then she learned that he had used one of her recipes to make dinner to impress the OW.

This is so so classic. My husband used much of our past and things I had introduced him to, with his AP. It's eerie how often a man will take his girlfriend to the special romantic spot he always went with his wife.

I think it comes down to these men not being very imaginative and historically relying on their wives to do all the planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a chilling story, but it looks like Burden has a solid support system. She’s close to her mother and stepmother, and she has her kids. I don’t know how one copes mentally though. I’d be questioning the foundations of my existence.

Just imagine having a support system, but one with a lot less money and an abusive ex who is trying to get the kids for control purposes.

And you have lots and lots and lots of divorce cases in the family court system.

Look I get that she's shattered and shaken, but she has it so much better than many of hte rest of us.

I don’t know why people keep harping about this. She herself acknowledges her immense privilege. Doesn’t mean that her mental anguish is any less.

Disagree though. She has time to work on herself. She has resources to process with the top experts in the country. She's been able to write it all down. And she wasn't systematically and intentionally broken by this man. Used yes. Broken on purpose, just because he's so messed up? No. So yeah - her mental anguish IS less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a chilling story, but it looks like Burden has a solid support system. She’s close to her mother and stepmother, and she has her kids. I don’t know how one copes mentally though. I’d be questioning the foundations of my existence.

Just imagine having a support system, but one with a lot less money and an abusive ex who is trying to get the kids for control purposes.

And you have lots and lots and lots of divorce cases in the family court system.

Look I get that she's shattered and shaken, but she has it so much better than many of hte rest of us.

I don’t know why people keep harping about this. She herself acknowledges her immense privilege. Doesn’t mean that her mental anguish is any less.

Disagree though. She has time to work on herself. She has resources to process with the top experts in the country. She's been able to write it all down. And she wasn't systematically and intentionally broken by this man. Used yes. Broken on purpose, just because he's so messed up? No. So yeah - her mental anguish IS less.

I hope you, in your privilege, never have to find yourself with a comparison. Karma is a b.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a chilling story, but it looks like Burden has a solid support system. She’s close to her mother and stepmother, and she has her kids. I don’t know how one copes mentally though. I’d be questioning the foundations of my existence.

Just imagine having a support system, but one with a lot less money and an abusive ex who is trying to get the kids for control purposes.

And you have lots and lots and lots of divorce cases in the family court system.

Look I get that she's shattered and shaken, but she has it so much better than many of hte rest of us.

Of course. But my ex was borderline abusive to me in the end, took a lot of my money, and is just generally a jerk. But he is there for our kid (no matter how imperfectly) and never had an affair. I think I would be really devastated if in addition to taking my money and having an affair, he also decided to quasi-abandon our kid.

[Anonymous]

Did the predatory prenup get reenforced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Covid seems to have triggered a lot of abrupt marriage breakdowns. The British cookbook author Bee Wilson also wrote about how her husband abruptly walked out one day during the beginning of the pandemic, after bringing her her usual tea in bed and sending her his daily I love you text with 5 heart emojis. She says that he later left her a letter admitting there was another woman, and then she learned that he had used one of her recipes to make dinner to impress the OW.

This is so so classic. My husband used much of our past and things I had introduced him to, with his AP. It's eerie how often a man will take his girlfriend to the special romantic spot he always went with his wife.

Ditto here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to hand it to her ex. He ran an impressive operation all these years. Got a wealthy wife to fund his lifestyle, used her family connections to build his career, spent his spare time banging young women, kept all his cash and then skedaddled the minute he got busted.

After he left her, he moved into a 2 BR condo. Yes, NYC real estate is expensive, but I wouldn't be surprised if he spend his hedge fund earnings on "other things." She says he had "brushes with the law" as a teen.

Isn't that one of the hallmarks of sociopaths? I'm in the middle of a similar kind of divorce from a similar kind of person. Less money at stake but now I think he used me as a stepping stone. I'm convinced my ex would have maintained the charade had I not confronted him. This personality type can't bear to be unmasked so they run away. The way Belle writes about Henry I maintain he probably didn't have plans to leave her but once he was found out he had to hit reboot on a new life. It was helpful to me when she wrote that his vengeance ultimately didn't seem personal. I mean it's a small consolation when you're on the receiving end of said vengeance but in her case and mine, these men have to burn it all down rather than actually address the issues.

[Anonymous]

The husband’s family is a piece of work. His brother wrote his own Modern Love column a few years ago about how his wife begged him to find a girlfriend when she started developing early-onset Alzheimer’s and described the Thanksgiving meal with his wife and lady love at the same table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to hand it to her ex. He ran an impressive operation all these years. Got a wealthy wife to fund his lifestyle, used her family connections to build his career, spent his spare time banging young women, kept all his cash and then skedaddled the minute he got busted.

After he left her, he moved into a 2 BR condo. Yes, NYC real estate is expensive, but I wouldn't be surprised if he spend his hedge fund earnings on "other things." She says he had "brushes with the law" as a teen.

Isn't that one of the hallmarks of sociopaths? I'm in the middle of a similar kind of divorce from a similar kind of person. Less money at stake but now I think he used me as a stepping stone. I'm convinced my ex would have maintained the charade had I not confronted him. This personality type can't bear to be unmasked so they run away. The way Belle writes about Henry I maintain he probably didn't have plans to leave her but once he was found out he had to hit reboot on a new life. It was helpful to me when she wrote that his vengeance ultimately didn't seem personal. I mean it's a small consolation when you're on the receiving end of said vengeance but in her case and mine, these men have to burn it all down rather than actually address the issues.

This thread and book make me feel less alone. I’m in the midst of a divorce from another one of these types. In my case it was one of our DCs who inadvertently did something that exposed STBX’s actions, and STBX exploded our lives in response. Definitely a case of yet another man who can’t face himself and thinks he can run away and start fresh rather than face his own shortcomings and shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The husband’s family is a piece of work. His brother wrote his own Modern Love column a few years ago about how his wife begged him to find a girlfriend when she started developing early-onset Alzheimer’s and described the Thanksgiving meal with his wife and lady love at the same table.

No, seriously? They’re brothers?! That piece was so messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The husband’s family is a piece of work. His brother wrote his own Modern Love column a few years ago about how his wife begged him to find a girlfriend when she started developing early-onset Alzheimer’s and described the Thanksgiving meal with his wife and lady love at the same table.

No, seriously? They’re brothers?! That piece was so messed up.

NP. I read that after reading comments on the Belle column. That was a weird one.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel bad for her. I’ve known so many women in these circles and they are incredibly focused on their lifestyle and social life. Very little attention is paid to their husband and they don’t live what most people would consider a normal life.

From knowing some of the husbands, it’s also obvious they aren’t that happy. It’s as if they are just pawns in life and their wives run around frantically from one social event to another. It’s all about the next luxury vacation, dressing kids in expensive British looking clothing, attending parties that are photographed and private school admissions. From the outside it looks fabulous but I can tell some of the husbands would prefer a nice girlfriend who gives them attention and wants to have sex instead of take photos on a boat off Nantucket.

I do sympathize with her since this is the only world she knows and she likely has no idea why he left her. It’s very obvious to me!

I don’t judge him for marrying money. Any man who is ambitious enough to work in finance in NY and command those earnings is going to want the finer things in life and try to capitalize on marriage. This goes with the territory. You can’t have it both ways.

This is a crazy post. It’s all based on assumptions when in reality, you have absolutely what their marriage was like in reality! Everyone knows why he left her - he’s a selfish jerk and apparently always was that way. The idea that it’s obvious to you why he heft is beyond comical - are you always the hero in your own story?

[Anonymous]

Is this how much divorce mentally affect women? I don't think men are as devastated when their marriage ends.

She didn't have to write a book. She just needed a you her stallion with a good D and forget about the loser

Or maybe because she is wealthy she thought it can't happen to her?

Every woman should never utter "I don't think he would ever do this to me" when their husband cheats on them. Men cheat and they will never stop. It doesn't matter if you are waitress, a CEO, a billionaire, a Prime minister, a spy. If a man is going to cheat on you, he will do so.

[Anonymous]

My boss is having an affair with a much younger woman. She doesn't work for our company. But the man is having the time of his life (his words not mine) with his young flame. He said that she knows that he is married and she asked for the first time last weekend to leave his wife for her. He said he is going to end it because she went there.

People are wild. In the meantime his poor wife is at home probably making his sandwiches every day, taking care of him when his sick and take care of their kids as well.

Now the craziest thing in all of this is that there is 99% chance that if he get caught she will just tell him they should go to therapy and will face zero consequences.

I feel bad for some of you married people.