Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

The point is that Belle grew up with family instability, nannies, boarding school, etc. She wanted to avoid that but ultimately had a variant of the same fate/family and care structure.

[Anonymous]

I just finished the book. Belle was objective, describing how the ExH maintained the yard every year and how he recorded the kids' lives, EVERY year, on a DVD for 16 years. He didn’t come across as an absent father. He was warm and even-tempered. Further, did anyone else pick up the same things? He seems to be a fun person who speaks Greek, since he goes to Greece each summer to do research with his stepfather, the professor, and he knows Asia very well. She seems a really plain Jane and a potentially boring person. What he did was absolutely jerkish, but I wonder if this marriage was a mismatch from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just finished the book. Belle was objective, describing how the ExH maintained the yard every year and how he recorded the kids' lives, EVERY year, on a DVD for 16 years. He didn’t come across as an absent father. He was warm and even-tempered. Further, did anyone else pick up the same things? He seems to be a fun person who speaks Greek, since he goes to Greece each summer to do research with his stepfather, the professor, and he knows Asia very well. She seems a really plain Jane and a potentially boring person. What he did was absolutely jerkish, but I wonder if this marriage was a mismatch from the start.

I read the book through twice because I was surprised by interpretations like yours and wanted to make sure I didn’t miss something. Your read suggests you read 3 random pages.

She didn’t sound boring at all, but the description of the things he did to me came across as the kind of stuff a narcissist does once in a while just to get attention. Yardwork, a dvd? That’s stuff that’s tangible and that gets you praise. And allows you to write the story of your life and relationship every year, conveniently.

I’d buy your take more easily if you’d said he did all the quiet stuff in the background. But he didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I read the book and was surprised at how likeable Belle came across. Definitely not a socialite type.

She seems shy and self-aware and highly intelligent and perhaps too occupied by her children. She reminded me of tons of moms around here —very well educated and accomplished in their own right who then funnel their type A energy into child rearing.
She does not paint herself as a victim.

To me the memoir seemed to be her attempt to figure out what the hell happened, how she let it happen, and who she was married to.
I am grateful she wrote it and admire her skill and her bravery. It is a helpful book for any woman who has also divorced a narcissist/psychopath/big swinging dick finance douche….these types really are cut from the same cloth.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised you’d question this, many parents walk away from their marriages and their kids. Mine did. I’ve met many people whose partners did the same - men and women.
It’s pretty horrible for the kids. But at least they had one stable parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just finished the book. Belle was objective, describing how the ExH maintained the yard every year and how he recorded the kids' lives, EVERY year, on a DVD for 16 years. He didn’t come across as an absent father. He was warm and even-tempered. Further, did anyone else pick up the same things? He seems to be a fun person who speaks Greek, since he goes to Greece each summer to do research with his stepfather, the professor, and he knows Asia very well. She seems a really plain Jane and a potentially boring person. What he did was absolutely jerkish, but I wonder if this marriage was a mismatch from the start.

I read the book through twice because I was surprised by interpretations like yours and wanted to make sure I didn’t miss something. Your read suggests you read 3 random pages.

She didn’t sound boring at all, but the description of the things he did to me came across as the kind of stuff a narcissist does once in a while just to get attention. Yardwork, a dvd? That’s stuff that’s tangible and that gets you praise. And allows you to write the story of your life and relationship every year, conveniently.

I’d buy your take more easily if you’d said he did all the quiet stuff in the background. But he didn’t.

I mostly agree with you, but still, she did come across as boring. However, even if that contributed to his decision to leave, that definitely doesn't justify the way he did it. "Jerk" is a massive understatement -- abruptly, no explanation, basically abandoning the kids, fighting out the money and property ... it's all gross. Also, in fairness to her, she might have just decided to omit parts of herself that would have made her appear more interesting because they weren't relevant to what she was trying to do with the book

[Anonymous]

Now that I have read the book I find her shallow. Way too many references to various clubs, degrees, properties, family names etc.

Women in these circles become obsessed with status and their social lives. Their priorities aren’t their husbands. It’s not surprising to me he got tired of her and left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I have read the book I find her shallow. Way too many references to various clubs, degrees, properties, family names etc.

Women in these circles become obsessed with status and their social lives. Their priorities aren’t their husbands. It’s not surprising to me he got tired of her and left.

I didn’t get that vibe at all. I think she was giving context to the lives they led. She actually sounds very low key to me. She wasn’t a socialite at all. They chose a quiet corner of the Vineyard for a house over glitzier Edgartown not to mention Nantucket or the Hamptons. They lived downtown and not on the UES. Their kids went to the less ritzy downtown private schools when I am sure their legacy status could have gotten them into Spence and Buckley.

It sounds like he wanted the flashier lifestyle since he grew up with a lot less than his peers. She is over all that.

[Anonymous]

To the point about living downtown and the quietcorner of the vineyard, those were the husband’s choices. So he seemed more interesting than the stuffy old-money type. If he were just into social climbing, wouldn't he choose the Upper East Side?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just finished the book. Belle was objective, describing how the ExH maintained the yard every year and how he recorded the kids' lives, EVERY year, on a DVD for 16 years. He didn’t come across as an absent father. He was warm and even-tempered. Further, did anyone else pick up the same things? He seems to be a fun person who speaks Greek, since he goes to Greece each summer to do research with his stepfather, the professor, and he knows Asia very well. She seems a really plain Jane and a potentially boring person. What he did was absolutely jerkish, but I wonder if this marriage was a mismatch from the start.

He seems to know Asia a little too well, if Reddit is to be believed. 😉