Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew the guy growing up. I read the book with fascination. apparently he hasn't changed much in the last 50 years.

how so?? details, please!

a skinny kid who played hockey and lacrosse, not particularly well, but was good at tennis. he was cliquey and toxic. if you were not part of his inner circle, he was talking behind your back, or worse, just barely loud enough for you to hear.
He ran with the fast, rich, party kids from NYC, so I was surprised to learn in the book that his family was struggling to get by.
He had a brother two years older who was much nicer.

Much nicer must be a relative term in the Davis family. That brother comes across as quite the tool in the Modern Love column he wrote .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero respect for any man who would deny his children. None.

This happens in every racial group, though President Obama specifically called out the especially high rate of absentee fathers among American Black men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero respect for any man who would deny his children. None.

This happens in every racial group, though President Obama specifically called out the especially high rate of absentee fathers among American Black men.

Obama was spot on about that.

[Anonymous]

Belle mentioned in the book that her Ed’s father had a breakdown at some point rendering him unable to work. There was an a possible affair mentioned and her ex’s dad leaving the family then coming back. Her ex never wantes to talk about that incident.

You see time and time again people with unresolved issues from their childhood where they can seem fine and normal, but when middle age comes they are wilding out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Belle mentioned in the book that her Ed’s father had a breakdown at some point rendering him unable to work. There was an a possible affair mentioned and her ex’s dad leaving the family then coming back. Her ex never wantes to talk about that incident.

You see time and time again people with unresolved issues from their childhood where they can seem fine and normal, but when middle age comes they are wilding out.

It sounds like this guy had checked out for a very long time and the phone call was the final catalyst in leaving. He also seems to have a personality disorder. Hopefully she has a better picker now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Belle mentioned in the book that her Ed’s father had a breakdown at some point rendering him unable to work. There was an a possible affair mentioned and her ex’s dad leaving the family then coming back. Her ex never wantes to talk about that incident.

You see time and time again people with unresolved issues from their childhood where they can seem fine and normal, but when middle age comes they are wilding out.

Yes. I have a cousin who was always causing problem when we were kids. We are in our thirties now and she got married a few years ago. My mother was gushing about how she is so different now and so happy in her marriage. I was like, sure (my mother does not have the best judgment). The first time I met my cousin's husband, he said to me: are all the women in your family crazy or just my wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Belle mentioned in the book that her Ed’s father had a breakdown at some point rendering him unable to work. There was an a possible affair mentioned and her ex’s dad leaving the family then coming back. Her ex never wantes to talk about that incident.

You see time and time again people with unresolved issues from their childhood where they can seem fine and normal, but when middle age comes they are wilding out.

Yes. I have a cousin who was always causing problem when we were kids. We are in our thirties now and she got married a few years ago. My mother was gushing about how she is so different now and so happy in her marriage. I was like, sure (my mother does not have the best judgment). The first time I met my cousin's husband, he said to me: are all the women in your family crazy or just my wife?

that is very bizarre that a man would say that to somebody in his wife's family after meeting that person for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Interesting NYT interview with Belle Burden.
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/14/podcasts/belle-burden-husband-strangers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share

[Anonymous]

I'm currently reading the book, which is very well written (the author says she originally wanted to be a writer but was discouraged from this career path in college, so went to law school). I'm interested in the book because my uncle did the exact same thing to my aunt: He just walked out, leaving her with two young son, ages 8 and 10, and rented a one-bedroom with no room for them to stay over. He then refused to pay child support because he said my aunt could go get a job, even though she was, and always had been, a full-time homemaker. My father had to go convince my uncle why this was unconscionable and unworkable.

Our family didn't have nearly the money that Belle Burden's did, but it was interesting to me to read that her father had died suddenly in his 50s, leaving her family millions of dollars in debt. It took years to pay off, all while she was working, miserably, in a corporate lawyer job so she could support herself and pretend to be very confident and financially comfortable.
She is a very perceptive observer and both critical and understanding of herself. I hope she can help me understand her ex-husband (and my uncle, who has since died).

[Anonymous]

Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Belle mentioned in the book that her Ed’s father had a breakdown at some point rendering him unable to work. There was an a possible affair mentioned and her ex’s dad leaving the family then coming back. Her ex never wantes to talk about that incident.

You see time and time again people with unresolved issues from their childhood where they can seem fine and normal, but when middle age comes they are wilding out.

Yes. I have a cousin who was always causing problem when we were kids. We are in our thirties now and she got married a few years ago. My mother was gushing about how she is so different now and so happy in her marriage. I was like, sure (my mother does not have the best judgment). The first time I met my cousin's husband, he said to me: are all the women in your family crazy or just my wife?

that is very bizarre that a man would say that to somebody in his wife's family after meeting that person for the first time.

+100!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

I’m responding to the person who said that people didn’t read the book. But then claimed she didn’t even have a nanny. Nanny, boarding school, not quite she eschewed the life you all claim. No matter to me - but if you are going to make a claim, get it right.