Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read this recently. Not professionally written (In my view), but I felt authentic, and the author chose to remain anonymous. Affairs are complicated and usually exist in a bubble, but people do outgrow relationships, it seems in their 50's. I think when kids leave home, hormones and bodies change, and different interests and timelines arise. Maybe if people were a little more honest. https://www.amazon.ca/Affair-couldnt-make-this-stuff-ebook/dp/B0G9RT3NJZ

Kind of tempted to download it. Is it your story? If not how did you come across this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this how much divorce mentally affect women? I don't think men are as devastated when their marriage ends.

She didn't have to write a book. She just needed a you her stallion with a good D and forget about the loser

Or maybe because she is wealthy she thought it can't happen to her?

Every woman should never utter "I don't think he would ever do this to me" when their husband cheats on them. Men cheat and they will never stop. It doesn't matter if you are waitress, a CEO, a billionaire, a Prime minister, a spy. If a man is going to cheat on you, he will do so.

You’re dead wrong and a quick search will prove it:

“Higher Male Regret: Studies by Avvo and others show men reporting regret (around 32-39%) more than women (around 27%) after divorce.”

Nope. Men don't dwell on it like women do. And frankly those who do were losers to begin with.

What a load of sexist bs.

The cases that stun me are the screwed up guys like Belle’s husband who are relentless cheaters who fall apart when the girlfriend or wife end it. I know several guys like this through work and my kids social circles. They completely fall apart and act like, and believe, they are the victims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this how much divorce mentally affect women? I don't think men are as devastated when their marriage ends.

She didn't have to write a book. She just needed a you her stallion with a good D and forget about the loser

Or maybe because she is wealthy she thought it can't happen to her?

Every woman should never utter "I don't think he would ever do this to me" when their husband cheats on them. Men cheat and they will never stop. It doesn't matter if you are waitress, a CEO, a billionaire, a Prime minister, a spy. If a man is going to cheat on you, he will do so.

You’re dead wrong and a quick search will prove it:

“Higher Male Regret: Studies by Avvo and others show men reporting regret (around 32-39%) more than women (around 27%) after divorce.”

Nope. Men don't dwell on it like women do. And frankly those who do were losers to begin with.

What a load of sexist bs.

The cases that stun me are the screwed up guys like Belle’s husband who are relentless cheaters who fall apart when the girlfriend or wife end it. I know several guys like this through work and my kids social circles. They completely fall apart and act like, and believe, they are the victims.

I was married to one of those screwed up guys. I always thought I would eventually end it, but he did, out of the blue, and spent literally years falling apart and running around selling his victim story. It was maddening and threw me permanently off-balance to see how effective his victim story was.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She's on the modern love podcast today.

No gift links left: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/14/podcasts/belle-burden-husband-strangers.html?smid=url-share

online, there's a little blurb that says:

When reached for comment about Ms. Burden’s recollections relating to their divorce and custody of their children, Ms. Burden’s ex-husband provided the following response:

“While I disagree with many of her recollections, as well as her overall mischaracterization of my relationship with my children, I do not wish to comment in more detail in order to protect them from further violations of their privacy other than to say that I continue to lovingly support, and be lovingly supported by, my children.”

Yeah. That's a lie. Perhaps one he believes himself.

You don't know that. None of us do.

I suppose. But if she had lied for example about her kids having a room in his new apartment when the essay said he refused to have rooms for them, he could have refuted that. It’s cold to get a new home and not even allow your 3 kids overnights, let alone have any space for them.

I don’t think she lied about custody. I think, for him, the relationship with the kids is good because he sees them occasionally (they’re old enough not to see him at all if they want) and it’s pleasant. He probably doesn’t spend any less time with them than when he lived at home. For him not much changed, and maybe not for them either. Why would they sleep in his small apartment when their mom lives in a large place in the same neighborhood? It’s not like he’s going to be hanging around making them pancakes in the morning. We don’t know how the kids feel about this, but it doesn’t sound like they are estranged. He could have moved to an inconvenient location but chose a place close by. I’m not saying he’s a great guy, far from it, but I think her account needs parsing.

lol nobody needs to parse it. He was an absent father when they were married and is even more absent now. I’m sure he does believe that taking them to dinner once a week is being “very involved” though.

He never claimed to be very involved, just stated their relationship remains caring and supportive. Which it might be, we don’t know. If they had nothing but low expectations for him before, nothing has really changed.

It was weird that he said that they were supportive of him. That’s a weird thing for a parent to say.

Weird thing is that he seems to believe it. Her kids haven’t spoken out against her book.

They haven’t spoken out to support it either. If they do, I’ll be interested to hear what they have to say. I think they’re all adults now? But it’s not uncommon for kids of antagonistic divorced parents to want to stay out of it, partly to retain a relationship with both parents and just to preserve their peace.

It says in the book the kids read the book pre-publication and gave feedback and were supportive. I think sometimes when you are the kid and your life is blowing up, you will do anything to make your parents feel better or try to make things okay. The one kid in the book does this by taking on the role of family chef.

Maybe that was the case, maybe they know it's all true and that's why they were okay with publishing it, but I thought she did a good job of including them but not speaking for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

The point is that Belle grew up with family instability, nannies, boarding school, etc. She wanted to avoid that but ultimately had a variant of the same fate/family and care structure.

I went to a boarding school by choice. It’s not really an indicator of family instability. I have a wonderful family. For many of these schools it’s an excellent educational opportunity and life changing. For the most part people aren’t sending their kids to Exeter and Choate because they don’t want to be bothered with them lol.

[Anonymous]

Today is Friday, March 13, 2026. Covid shutdown the world Friday, March 13, 2020. I found out about a long affair in a 22 year marriage, like Belle, a few weeks later…even everyone was self-isolating. The trauma of that in a traumatic time was unbelievable. I have yet to read her book because I’m sure it will bring up very very raw emotion/ptsd.

[Anonymous]

Gwyneth will play Belle in the movie—perfect casting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gwyneth will play Belle in the movie—perfect casting

I hope Belle Burden is making a boatload of money for this.

[Anonymous]

After a 17-year marriage, my ex left and he didn’t want custody. At first, he offered to take one child at a time occasionally, but had no interest in having all three together for overnights. They were 5, 7, and 9.

There’s a particular kind of devastation in this. Not only does your marriage end, but your children lose their father in real time.

His parents were supportive in the beginning, but over time, they disappeared too. My kids haven’t seen their dad in a year. They haven’t seen their paternal grandparents in three. Meanwhile, the other grandchildren gather for holidays in matching pajamas. My kids aren’t invited.

Navigating this feels like navigating death. But there’s no funeral, no life insurance, no closure, no public support. He quietly disappeared, his parents disappeared, and I was expected to carry on like everything was normal. Alone.

To make it even harder, he pays no child support. None. He’s court-ordered to, but he doesn’t. He’s now willfully unemployed after a 20+ year career earning hundreds of thousands a year.

So I carry it all. The financial weight, the emotional labor, the day-to-day reality of raising three children on my own.

And the hardest part? The kids don’t hate him. They still love him. They still long for him. And their paternal grandmother. That’s the part that breaks me.

Like Belle, I feel an overwhelming desire to share my story. Carrying this load silently is just too heavy. I thought her book was excellent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

The point is that Belle grew up with family instability, nannies, boarding school, etc. She wanted to avoid that but ultimately had a variant of the same fate/family and care structure.

I went to a boarding school by choice. It’s not really an indicator of family instability. I have a wonderful family. For many of these schools it’s an excellent educational opportunity and life changing. For the most part people aren’t sending their kids to Exeter and Choate because they don’t want to be bothered with them lol.

DP but your experience has nothing to do with Belle's. One kid from a stable family can go to boarding school while another (as documented in the book if you actually read it) may be completely disfuncitonal and shipping their kids off so the adults can be freed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished the audiobook version. It cold be because of her voice but she came across as needy, naive, and whiny. He came across as your basic damaged yet educationally privileged sociopathic man. You don't get to the position he was in his career by being a nice guy.

THAT SAID, she also takes some responsibility for the above description, or at least shows some self-awareness. She also didn't outright say it but definitely implied that he used her for her family connections from the very beginning. I also didn't get the feeling that she was one of those super attention-seeking socialites at all. She was definitely concerned about the people at "the club" but that was more of her and the kids' support system in the Vineyard. I sort of understand that as as divorced mom myself who worried about her kids' social supports at the time.

Agree. So may people chiming in who clearly never read the book. Yes, they lived a high income NYC life, but she was not a socialite - she even talks about eschewing that role, and they did not have a nanny for the kids.

I listened to the book. This is not true. She did have a nanny and eventually her children attended boarding school.

One attended boarding school, not all three. But what does that have to do with anything?

The point is that Belle grew up with family instability, nannies, boarding school, etc. She wanted to avoid that but ultimately had a variant of the same fate/family and care structure.

I went to a boarding school by choice. It’s not really an indicator of family instability. I have a wonderful family. For many of these schools it’s an excellent educational opportunity and life changing. For the most part people aren’t sending their kids to Exeter and Choate because they don’t want to be bothered with them lol.

DP but your experience has nothing to do with Belle's. One kid from a stable family can go to boarding school while another (as documented in the book if you actually read it) may be completely disfuncitonal and shipping their kids off so the adults can be freed.

Wealthy families often send their kids to boarding schools for similar reasons they send them to sleep-away camp—expanded independence, access, and immersion in a particular social world. It’s about relationships, opportunity, and being surrounded by peers who come from similar backgrounds. Over time, those networks can shape education, careers, and even family legacy across generations.

I can understand the appeal. It’s something I would consider if it were financially realistic.