How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

[Anonymous]

Two brands of “popular”. First brand are kids who other kids want to be around because they are athletic, funny at the expense of others, do things that are considered forbidden or daring, have material things. Second brand are kids who make other kids feel good. They are nice, kind, funny without making anyone their scapegoat, help friends in need, and are liked by kids in other friend groups. They make other kids feel liked and special.

The two brands have overlap, but it’s important for your kid to recognize why someone is popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is none of this who is cool and who is not cool in ES. There are small cliques that exist because their parents put them in activities together. Those parents thinking their kids are the cool kids are imagining things.

Unfortunately, this is a thing. It was evident by 3rd grade in girls at my kids’ school. Very glad my kid is happy with her fellow nerdy friends but not “cool.”

Ha. Seriously, who wants their girls to be the hoes in high school.

+1 (DP)

[Anonymous]

Molly

[Anonymous]

💩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Popular people are confident, content, smart, and chat easily with a variety of social groups. They are a good playmate at every age - meaning, people want to talk to them, date them, work with them, socialize with them. Make your child likeable to other children and they will be very successful in life.

I like my kids to be friends with everyone- sporty, nerdy, off beat etc. That’s my own life strategy. I don’t like to box myself in with own group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular people are confident, content, smart, and chat easily with a variety of social groups. They are a good playmate at every age - meaning, people want to talk to them, date them, work with them, socialize with them. Make your child likeable to other children and they will be very successful in life.

I like my kids to be friends with everyone- sporty, nerdy, off beat etc. That’s my own life strategy. I don’t like to box myself in with own group.

+100
Hard alignment with a social group is never ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular kids are absolutely a thing in elementary -- emerging in 4th, definitely a thing in 5th.

For girls, looks -- particularly actually caring that you look nice (hair done, "cool" clothes) -- is part of it. But at this age it is more that they are also socially mature -- by that I mean they have good EQ. They are confident and poised. They are out going and social -- they prioritize making and spending time with their friends, and they are good at making friends. They know how to have a conversation. They are not awkward or shy. They are fun, but they are no longer too silly or wacky or babyish in how they interact. They grew out of all the annoying social habits that kids have -- they are not too rigid or know-it-allish. Socially mature and out-going kids who want to interact with other socially mature and out-going kids, and they also care about looking nice too.

That would make me so sad as a parent. What’s the rush to grow up? Let the kids be kids.

+1

It’s sad; and ironically immature.

[Anonymous]

Some of the parents responding in this thread (I'm talking about a few who commented back in 2022) are showing what "cool" might mean. INTIMIDATION OF OTHERS. These parents call their own kids "bubbly" and having a "wide array of interests." These kids are socially savvy, showing this sweet side to adults and likely picking on weaker kids at school. Believe me, it's rare to find that genuinely popular (i.e., truly well-liked) kid in elementary school. Typically, it's a hierarchy of meanness and, as I said, intimidation.

[Anonymous]

Money and extroversion.

Not really anything you want for your kid, so don't worry too much. It leads to trouble, superficiality, and peaking before adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the parents responding in this thread (I'm talking about a few who commented back in 2022) are showing what "cool" might mean. INTIMIDATION OF OTHERS. These parents call their own kids "bubbly" and having a "wide array of interests." These kids are socially savvy, showing this sweet side to adults and likely picking on weaker kids at school. Believe me, it's rare to find that genuinely popular (i.e., truly well-liked) kid in elementary school. Typically, it's a hierarchy of meanness and, as I said, intimidation.

Yes, from my DD's experience in this true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the parents responding in this thread (I'm talking about a few who commented back in 2022) are showing what "cool" might mean. INTIMIDATION OF OTHERS. These parents call their own kids "bubbly" and having a "wide array of interests." These kids are socially savvy, showing this sweet side to adults and likely picking on weaker kids at school. Believe me, it's rare to find that genuinely popular (i.e., truly well-liked) kid in elementary school. Typically, it's a hierarchy of meanness and, as I said, intimidation.

Yes, from my DD's experience in this true.

+2

[Anonymous]

There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to it, and it’s really not worth worrying about.

I have what I thought was a “cool” child. Not because I need or want her to be; she just is. My 9yo daughter is good looking, socially savvy, good sense of style, involved in activities with her friends, good at academics, gets invited to a lot of things, has lots of friends who seem similar. She’s mature and good at understanding group dynamics. I’m very connected with the other moms and involved with the school community. So the pieces are all there.

She is invited to a sleepover birthday party this weekend with her group of friends, and expressed disappointment that her close friend can’t come because she was already invited to a different sleepover.

She says the other sleepover is with “the cool group”. I asked who “the cool group” is, and she names kids who I would have never guessed are considered cool. I know some of the girls (as well as their parents) from various sports teams, activities etc. over the years. These are girls who are not particularly socially savvy at all and less mature than my daughter’s friends. None have parents who are very connected to the school/other parents, so it’s not that, either. They’re not particularly good looking or fashionable or charismatic or any of the things you would think make a kid seem “cool”. I do think a few of them are mean and exclude others, so maybe that makes their group seem exclusive and therefore cool. I know of at least two in that group who have constant and unmonitored access to YouTube and who knows what else. Maybe that has something to do with it too. It’s not really my concern. I was just surprised.

I want my kids to be happy and have at least one or two good friends and not feel like an outcast. Other than that, there’s no use sweating whether or not they are “cool”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to it, and it’s really not worth worrying about.

I have what I thought was a “cool” child. Not because I need or want her to be; she just is. My 9yo daughter is good looking, socially savvy, good sense of style, involved in activities with her friends, good at academics, gets invited to a lot of things, has lots of friends who seem similar. She’s mature and good at understanding group dynamics. I’m very connected with the other moms and involved with the school community. So the pieces are all there.

She is invited to a sleepover birthday party this weekend with her group of friends, and expressed disappointment that her close friend can’t come because she was already invited to a different sleepover.

She says the other sleepover is with “the cool group”. I asked who “the cool group” is, and she names kids who I would have never guessed are considered cool. I know some of the girls (as well as their parents) from various sports teams, activities etc. over the years. These are girls who are not particularly socially savvy at all and less mature than my daughter’s friends. None have parents who are very connected to the school/other parents, so it’s not that, either. They’re not particularly good looking or fashionable or charismatic or any of the things you would think make a kid seem “cool”. I do think a few of them are mean and exclude others, so maybe that makes their group seem exclusive and therefore cool. I know of at least two in that group who have constant and unmonitored access to YouTube and who knows what else. Maybe that has something to do with it too. It’s not really my concern. I was just surprised.

I want my kids to be happy and have at least one or two good friends and not feel like an outcast. Other than that, there’s no use sweating whether or not they are “cool”.

Wut

[Anonymous]

Money power respect is the keys to life

[Anonymous]

Confidence, kindness, and more confidence. Be yourself, and nothing else.