paying for "extras" on top of child support

[Anonymous]

My DH gives his ex-wife money for DSS's extracurricular activities - fees for baseball, piano lessons, soccer, flag football, the list goes on and on. This is outside of child support. He has been doing it since DSS was school-age (he is 8). He does this because DSS is an only child and he fully supports DSS being involved in so many activities, and he is concerned if he didn't pay the activity fees his ex would not enroll him because she would say it is too expensive and she doesn't have the money. I don't mind that we are giving her this extra money because I know it is going directly to DSS, but DH and I are increasingly concerned about the expectation this is setting. We are considering suggesting instead that we ask the court to re-evaluate our child support payments, suggesting that perhaps we are not paying enough as it is our understanding activity fees should be able to be covered in standard payments.

I should add the reason we are geting concerned about expectations is that she is now asking us to pay for a few weeks of summer camp, during weeks of the summer when she has him. We are already paying for camp during the weeks he is with us this summer (we both work). She works at a school so has summers off, and we don't think we should have to pay for him to go to camp when he is with her. She basically registered him and forwarded to DH, saying 'please bring a check for X amount on Friday'. Anyway - wondering how common this situation is? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP again - he is eight years old. not sure how that turned into a smiley face!

[Anonymous]

Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH gives his ex-wife money for DSS's extracurricular activities - fees for baseball, piano lessons, soccer, flag football, the list goes on and on. This is outside of child support. He has been doing it since DSS was school-age (he is 8). He does this because DSS is an only child and he fully supports DSS being involved in so many activities, and he is concerned if he didn't pay the activity fees his ex would not enroll him because she would say it is too expensive and she doesn't have the money. I don't mind that we are giving her this extra money because I know it is going directly to DSS, but DH and I are increasingly concerned about the expectation this is setting. We are considering suggesting instead that we ask the court to re-evaluate our child support payments, suggesting that perhaps we are not paying enough as it is our understanding activity fees should be able to be covered in standard payments.

I should add the reason we are geting concerned about expectations is that she is now asking us to pay for a few weeks of summer camp, during weeks of the summer when she has him. We are already paying for camp during the weeks he is with us this summer (we both work). She works at a school so has summers off, and we don't think we should have to pay for him to go to camp when he is with her. She basically registered him and forwarded to DH, saying 'please bring a check for X amount on Friday'. Anyway - wondering how common this situation is? Thanks.

Either you're a total idiot, or you have a bad lawyer. Why would you make your fees mandatory? I would keep paying whatever your paying and just document anything extra you pay on top of your support. That way, when the ex-wife goes after your DH for more support - you can show the documented records that you've been paying above and beyond.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

"Our" child support payments?

[Anonymous]

14:36 op is helping to pay child support. She says they both work and prob have the same bank account. It is her step son, so yes "our child support payments" is right.

[Anonymous]

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm not a total idiot but thanks. I honestly have no idea how common this is. I am 30 and DH is 33 and we don't have any peers who are divorced with school aged children. We have not spoken to our lawyer about this but we would before suggesting any changes.

[Anonymous]

What about being diplomatic and just saying that things are a little tight right now for you to pay for the camps those weeks?

She might not push it.

[Anonymous]

"She works at a school so has summers off, and we don't think we should have to pay for him to go to camp when he is with her. "

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Mind your biznass. If DH has an issue he can step up. You don't like it get a seperate account and let him pay on his own. DH wants to in your eyes provide more than is bare minium required by law and you have to post...so if you go back to court and you only need to pay $2 is that all your comfortable giving? Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She works at a school so has summers off, and we don't think we should have to pay for him to go to camp when he is with her. "

Huh?

I'm assuming OP means that they are signing DSS up for camp partly as a childcare requirement since school isn't in session. Presumbly the child's mother is signing her son up for camps for fun, since they aren't necessary from a childcare perspective since she won't be working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Mind your biznass. If DH has an issue he can step up. You don't like it get a seperate account and let him pay on his own. DH wants to in your eyes provide more than is bare minium required by law and you have to post...so if you go back to court and you only need to pay $2 is that all your comfortable giving? Just wow.

Ditto. No wonder step mothers have a bad rep. Wow!

[Anonymous]

People, why is the immediate reaction to always slam the step-parent here? OP says that the concerns are ones that she and DH both have. That they are considering going back to court - possibly to INCREASE child support. My guess is that her husband doesn't have an anonymous discussion board to turn to from which to possibly get some shared experiences.

I see nothing in her posting about the two of them not wanting to provide for his son. I do see them trying to figure out if/when it's okay to draw a line with his ex and say that a certain amount of responsibility for paying for son's extracurriculars is her's. Why does this automatically mean that OP is evil, it's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, why is the immediate reaction to always slam the step-parent here? OP says that the concerns are ones that she and DH both have. That they are considering going back to court - possibly to INCREASE child support. My guess is that her husband doesn't have an anonymous discussion board to turn to from which to possibly get some shared experiences.

I see nothing in her posting about the two of them not wanting to provide for his son. I do see them trying to figure out if/when it's okay to draw a line with his ex and say that a certain amount of responsibility for paying for son's extracurriculars is her's. Why does this automatically mean that OP is evil, it's exhausting.

You really can't figure this out?