How many kids makes you a weirdo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

I can’t even tell you how many people freely and vocally assumed or asked if my third was an “accident” when I was pregnant just because I already had one boy and one girl and then looked at me like I had multiple heads when I told them the third was very much planned. It was very strange. And rude.

Yes! I’ve posted about this before but my MIL cornered me just as soon as she could after I announced I was expecting #3 to ask with faux concern if “this was an accident.” She truly could not understand WHY we would purposely have another child when we had “one of each.”

Lol this is one advantage of marrying into a huge catholic family. If we had four my MIL would say it was a pity we aren't having more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Previous poster is super out of line.

Which PP? All of these three seemed out of line to me. I’ve known wonderful families and wonderful parents with 1 child and with 13 children. Older parents and super young parents can both be selfless and kind. Laid back parents and helicopter parents both love their kids. There are many good ways to create a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Previous poster is super out of line.

Which PP? All of these three seemed out of line to me. I’ve known wonderful families and wonderful parents with 1 child and with 13 children. Older parents and super young parents can both be selfless and kind. Laid back parents and helicopter parents both love their kids. There are many good ways to create a family.

The one who called someone neglectful particular rubbed me wrong, but you’re right. None of the responses are nice.

[Anonymous]

I’m from a huge family. I think anyone with more than two is crazy. I have three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Previous poster is super out of line.

Which PP? All of these three seemed out of line to me. I’ve known wonderful families and wonderful parents with 1 child and with 13 children. Older parents and super young parents can both be selfless and kind. Laid back parents and helicopter parents both love their kids. There are many good ways to create a family.

The one who called someone neglectful particular rubbed me wrong, but you’re right. None of the responses are nice.

To just sit at a park and not engage you child or care if they are safe is neglectful. If you have 4 kids, you really need to step up your game and supervision.

I'm tired of the calls from the 3-4 kid parents demanding I drive their kid as I'm going anyway and never helping out (nor would i agree as I know what kind of parents they are when I have to drive and feed their kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care how many kids you have, but I think it’s weird when people have kids at 43+.

I don't think it's weird, but I just assume they used a donor egg.

If we’re going with the logic that it’s “bad” for kids to have 4 other siblings, I think it’s “bad” for kids to have 60 year old parents when they’re in high school.

How is it bad? The parents generally have more time and money. My husband had kids young and old. Its much easier as an older parent. More money, time and patience.

Diabetes, cancer, heart disease. See, I can quote things too. Things that happen to you in your 50s and 60s. It’s not all “accumulated wealth” and happiness.

We had a family member die at 23. You can die of illness at any age. The difference is if we died, now vs. 23-30 with young kids, ours would be set for the next 15 years including college and graduate school because we were in a position to save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Previous poster is super out of line.

Which PP? All of these three seemed out of line to me. I’ve known wonderful families and wonderful parents with 1 child and with 13 children. Older parents and super young parents can both be selfless and kind. Laid back parents and helicopter parents both love their kids. There are many good ways to create a family.

The one who called someone neglectful particular rubbed me wrong, but you’re right. None of the responses are nice.

To just sit at a park and not engage you child or care if they are safe is neglectful. If you have 4 kids, you really need to step up your game and supervision.

I'm tired of the calls from the 3-4 kid parents demanding I drive their kid as I'm going anyway and never helping out (nor would i agree as I know what kind of parents they are when I have to drive and feed their kids).

DP. Learn to say no! You don't have to drive or feed anyone's kids except your own. And as a mom of two, I believe not engaging with kids at the playground is perfect after age 4 or so. They should be learning to entertain themselves, making friends, and solving their own issues without mom constantly hovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Lol nope. None of this has ever happened. But you sound stressed!

[Anonymous]

Weirdo is anyone who has so many kids that they have to ask if others perceive them to be weird.

[Anonymous]

Weird starts at 5 in my opinion. I’ve been treated like a freak for having 3 though. I had them youngish at 28, 29, 33 and kept up with my career. At work people act like I have 6 or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weirdo is anyone who has so many kids that they have to ask if others perceive them to be weird.

Basically. If you are at the point you're pretty sure others think you're a weirdo because you just can't quit procreating...people probably do think you're weird.

Otherwise, my personal opinion? More than 4 is noteworthy. I find more than 2 undesirable, but I get it, everyone isn't me. 5+ I assume there is a reason (religion, etc.) beyond just enjoying children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

I can’t even tell you how many people freely and vocally assumed or asked if my third was an “accident” when I was pregnant just because I already had one boy and one girl and then looked at me like I had multiple heads when I told them the third was very much planned. It was very strange. And rude.

Yes! I’ve posted about this before but my MIL cornered me just as soon as she could after I announced I was expecting #3 to ask with faux concern if “this was an accident.” She truly could not understand WHY we would purposely have another child when we had “one of each.”

NP. We have 2 boys and a girl, and we had comments from well meaning people about how "perfect" it was now and that our family was "complete" and stuff like that. It's annoying because I really want a 4th (and DH is open to it), and we would definitely do it if our circumstances were a bit better. But it would be annoying that people would think it was strange and then question our judgement (or feel bad for us if we had a boy because they assumed we must be going for another girl).

I think once you hit 40 people also assume that you're done having kids, even when the others are still very young. Some people want to convince themselves that if you're 40 then you can't have kids naturally (because they couldn't) so they have to be expensive and a lot of treatments and why would do you do all of that if your family is already "perfect"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

I can’t even tell you how many people freely and vocally assumed or asked if my third was an “accident” when I was pregnant just because I already had one boy and one girl and then looked at me like I had multiple heads when I told them the third was very much planned. It was very strange. And rude.

Speaking of strange and rude, as someone who has two boys, people are ALWAYS asking us if we are "going to try for a girl". Like why can't our two existing kids be enough??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

You aren't laid back. You are neglectful. Its your responsibility to make sure your toddler is safe at a park. The adults are happy, but that's not what people are saying. Its about meeting the kids needs. Its very difficult to meet 4 kids needs, spend 1-1 time with them and really focus on each as an individual. Usually parents like you pawn your kids off on others and we end up doing it as we feel sorry for the kids. You will call us to carpool but carpool means we drive your kid and you don't do anything as you don't have the space or a kid is napping or some other excuse. We feed your kid because we pick them up and they are hungry as you were focused on other things or the kids have to fend for themselves. You don't even realize what the impact is on your kids as its really all about you.

Previous poster is super out of line.

Which PP? All of these three seemed out of line to me. I’ve known wonderful families and wonderful parents with 1 child and with 13 children. Older parents and super young parents can both be selfless and kind. Laid back parents and helicopter parents both love their kids. There are many good ways to create a family.

The one who called someone neglectful particular rubbed me wrong, but you’re right. None of the responses are nice.

To just sit at a park and not engage you child or care if they are safe is neglectful. If you have 4 kids, you really need to step up your game and supervision.

I'm tired of the calls from the 3-4 kid parents demanding I drive their kid as I'm going anyway and never helping out (nor would i agree as I know what kind of parents they are when I have to drive and feed their kids).

Those are your words, not theirs. There is a big difference from trailing your kids around and keeping them safe. I also agree hovering parents are annoying.
The rest of your post about parents calling and demanding you feed and drive their kids likely didn’t happen. You sound over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

I can’t even tell you how many people freely and vocally assumed or asked if my third was an “accident” when I was pregnant just because I already had one boy and one girl and then looked at me like I had multiple heads when I told them the third was very much planned. It was very strange. And rude.

Yes! I’ve posted about this before but my MIL cornered me just as soon as she could after I announced I was expecting #3 to ask with faux concern if “this was an accident.” She truly could not understand WHY we would purposely have another child when we had “one of each.”

NP. We have 2 boys and a girl, and we had comments from well meaning people about how "perfect" it was now and that our family was "complete" and stuff like that. It's annoying because I really want a 4th (and DH is open to it), and we would definitely do it if our circumstances were a bit better. But it would be annoying that people would think it was strange and then question our judgement (or feel bad for us if we had a boy because they assumed we must be going for another girl).

I think once you hit 40 people also assume that you're done having kids, even when the others are still very young. Some people want to convince themselves that if you're 40 then you can't have kids naturally (because they couldn't) so they have to be expensive and a lot of treatments and why would do you do all of that if your family is already "perfect"?

Generally, nationally, it’s not typical to have a kid over 40. And it’s less safe and advisable than having a kid before 40. So it’s totally okay for people to assume that you’re done having kids once you hit 40.