Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Like clockwork. PP predicted this and here it is.

It's pretty crazy how quickly people are trying to turn the tables on the OP. Wow!

Is that you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No, not together. Separated in December. Kids are 12, 9, 7. We've just been shoveling them bs like sometimes mommy and daddy need breaks. I can't tell you how much restraint it takes to not tell them that their mom is a liar and a pos and thats why their family was smashed into pieces.

I hope you're in individual counseling, OP. It could help you process your anger, so it doesn't end up affecting the kids. You owe her absolutely nothing, but the kids need you not to let your anger get between them and their other parent.

This is 100% true for men and women, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

No, because I'm not a man and I haven't been in the same situation. But I'm asking because I'm a woman and I was in the same position and I was angry and hurtin' ... make sense? I said it doesn't excuse her. But if he's trying to figure this out, he should ask those questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

This is comedy gold right here, bro.

His pos wife is screwing some other dude and tossing their marriage and family in the trash and you want to focus on "bitter and nasty" comments?

Get a load of this joker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

Agree. If you love your kids you do NOT trash their relationship with their other parent. That is narcissistic rage more likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

This is comedy gold right here, bro.

His pos wife is screwing some other dude and tossing their marriage and family in the trash and you want to focus on "bitter and nasty" comments?

Get a load of this joker.

Sometimes people line up the next thing when they are married to an angry narcissist. Happens.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people line up the next thing when they are married to an angry narcissist. Happens.

Ahhh, the things people will tell themselves to justify their irresponsible behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

This is comedy gold right here, bro.

His pos wife is screwing some other dude and tossing their marriage and family in the trash and you want to focus on "bitter and nasty" comments?

Get a load of this joker.

Hi, OP! Get a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

This is comedy gold right here, bro.

His pos wife is screwing some other dude and tossing their marriage and family in the trash and you want to focus on "bitter and nasty" comments?

Get a load of this joker.

Hi, OP! Get a therapist.

NP and not OP though I'm sure you wont believe it, but in what world is a cheating spouse not a POS? Not mine, I can promise you that. My dad ran around on my mom my entire childhood. I have one memory of seeing him kissing another woman at a Christmas party they threw each year. It really warped my opinion of men as a young girl. Like, we were second to them and for their use and not deserving of respect. It's impacted my own relationships. The sadness I felt for my mom was a constant lump in my throat.

I hope you don't expose your kids to this. Because you'll scar them for life. And that makes you a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

It 100% does. And that fact that you don't think so says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to sit back and watch this unfold. I'm a man. My wife was screwing her colleague. She would never have stopped. I found out by accident (several actually)

I had considered trying fixing things but I couldn't move past the fact that she actually didn't care that she was caught and destroyed our family. The only way this ended o its own was through fizzling out or moving. And that's the part that grossed me out the most. She was fine to play wife and family while the rest of us werent playing at all. We thought we were living real lives.

OP. Having been where your wife is ... is there resentment? Is she angry at you for some reason? Is she hurting? Not excusing her, just asking the questions. It sounds as if she was using her affair to get out of the marriage.

Would you ask a woman with a cheating husband the same things? I mean does anyone ask a cheating husband if he's angry or hurtin'?

Yes, go back and look at earlier pages in the thread, including references to Esther Perel and understanding why the cheating husband did what he did.

Some may treat this differently now that the genders are reversed. I'm not one. I read OP's bitter and nasty statements and how he can barely refrain from telling his kids terrible things about their mom. Having an affair does not equal POS, etc. Not condoning affairs, never had one, I hope my SO hasn't. But the vibe from OP is nuts and there may have been seriously valid reasons why his spouse went elsewhere.

It 100% does. And that fact that you don't think so says a lot about you.

I second that! Wow to think they think there's a valid reason to have an affair speaks volumes.

The kids will find out the details as time goes on. The cheating parent will never repair that with their kids.