Parents are NOT notified by the college if the child gets in trouble, e.g. drugs, alcohol in dorm?

[Anonymous]

I’m amazed by this thread and the concerns being expressed. It seems that many parents here have cultivated controlling, and possibly toxic relationships with their kids that are devoid of trust. Quite frankly, that’s not the universities problem.

[Anonymous]

On one hand: Costs are out of control. College administrations are too big. They need to cut back.

On the other: How dare they not call me to report on my son/daughter’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just dropped off our oldest at college that is a plane ride away. My spouse and I entered into the agreement to pay his tuition without any expectation of the university reporting his status. He turned 18 this summer. We’ve worked really hard to teach him to make good choices and how to get out of rough situations. Now we need to let go. It’s not easy. But damn if I’m going to manage this kid for the rest of my life. T

Straw man. Nobody said anything about micro managing. OP discussed when teen is in trouble. A parent SHOULD be notified of a teen freshman is sexually assaulted or caught with drugs in dorm or in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. The secrecy WHEN YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER is alarming.

You are SO wrong. It is not secrecy. It is PRIVACY. 18 year olds are not minors. College administrators are not guardians or custodians. College freshmen are entitled to medical privacy.

I was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning my sophomore year in college after my drink at a frat party was poisoned. I was found passed out in a dorm bathroom. Despite paying my own way way th scholarships and loans and despite being 19, I was shocked that my university contacted my parents to say I was on academic probation for underage drinking. It was a complete violation of my privacy and it did no good for me at all. I did not have a drinking problem. I had a frat guy rapist problem and I solved the problem by never socializing among frat boy rapists again. But my parents not only decided I had a drinking problem, they shared this information with the extended family. It was humiliating and hurtful, more than anything because I was a victim of someone trying to take advantage of me and yet everyone judged me. I wish I had known about FERPA back then. I might have gone to law school just to sue the pants off my college.

Two years later, I had was raped on campus. I didn’t report it to campus police, in large part because I didn’t trust them not to inform my useless, judgmental parents, who would then share gossip with our extended family.

Freshmen are adults. Parents have no rights nor should they.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just dropped off our oldest at college that is a plane ride away. My spouse and I entered into the agreement to pay his tuition without any expectation of the university reporting his status. He turned 18 this summer. We’ve worked really hard to teach him to make good choices and how to get out of rough situations. Now we need to let go. It’s not easy. But damn if I’m going to manage this kid for the rest of my life. T

Straw man. Nobody said anything about micro managing. OP discussed when teen is in trouble. A parent SHOULD be notified of a teen freshman is sexually assaulted or caught with drugs in dorm or in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. The secrecy WHEN YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER is alarming.

You are SO wrong. It is not secrecy. It is PRIVACY. 18 year olds are not minors. College administrators are not guardians or custodians. College freshmen are entitled to medical privacy.

I was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning my sophomore year in college after my drink at a frat party was poisoned. I was found passed out in a dorm bathroom. Despite paying my own way way th scholarships and loans and despite being 19, I was shocked that my university contacted my parents to say I was on academic probation for underage drinking. It was a complete violation of my privacy and it did no good for me at all. I did not have a drinking problem. I had a frat guy rapist problem and I solved the problem by never socializing among frat boy rapists again. But my parents not only decided I had a drinking problem, they shared this information with the extended family. It was humiliating and hurtful, more than anything because I was a victim of someone trying to take advantage of me and yet everyone judged me. I wish I had known about FERPA back then. I might have gone to law school just to sue the pants off my college


Two years later, I had was raped on campus. I didn’t report it to campus police, in large part because I didn’t trust them not to inform my useless, judgmental parents, who would then share gossip with our extended family.

Freshmen are adults. Parents have no rights nor should they.

Agree. These parents are H E L I C O P T E R S for life. They will turn into In-laws from hell too.

It doesn't matter who is paying. An 18yr old is an adult. If you didn't raise your child for 18 years to become an independent adult, that is YOUR bad parenting skills. Time to let go.


PP, I am really sorry that happened to you. Truly sorry you were violated by a rapist and so many others that should have given you privacy and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On one hand: Costs are out of control. College administrations are too big. They need to cut back.

On the other: How dare they not call me to report on my son/daughter’s behavior.

Yeah how dare they do something useful. And a mere text or email alert if your kid is in trouble is hardly a heavy lift.

[Anonymous]

Oh come on -- hospital or arrested -- I would like to be called.

[Anonymous]

college isn't a daycare. I know some of you still treat your college age children like they are toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on -- hospital or arrested -- I would like to be called.

You get a phone call when arrested and the hospital will call anyone you request. Your child can choose to make those calls. If he doesn't call you, that's your fault. I think people are upset at colleges in this thread because they know they've messed up and their children won't confide in them.

[Anonymous]

No one would define trouble the same way. It is on your son or daughter. What you want is irrelevant.

Do you realize that if they get arrested or wind up in the emergency room while home over winter break you won’t be called either — unless your kid wants them to call you.

You are displacing your fears about them being an adult on the college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest point for me is that the schools are the logical origin for calls to be made since the schools will be contacted by police/hospitals/etc.

While our children have lots of friends, I can't think of many of those friends who have our contact information. Not because it is private but because it just isn't something you share, like "Hey, you're in my calc class aren't you? We're heading over to the SAE house for the party. Wanna come? Great. Let me text you my parents' contact information just in case there is a problem and you need to call them." That is weird.

OTH, in the category of the best defense is a strong offense, to be sure that our kids get our help and resources if they need them I am going to suggest that they give our cell phone numbers and email addresses to 10 or 20 friends. I'll suggest that they give their friends permission to contact us if they (our kid/s) gets in trouble or is hurt. If the info never gets used then no harm no foul but if there is a problem and our kid/s can't call then someone else will have their back so we can help if they need it.

Good advice and a reasonable solution in response to the unreasonableness and illogical stance taken by the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand: Costs are out of control. College administrations are too big. They need to cut back.

On the other: How dare they not call me to report on my son/daughter’s behavior.

Yeah how dare they do something useful. And a mere text or email alert if your kid is in trouble is hardly a heavy lift.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:college isn't a daycare. I know some of you still treat your college age children like they are toddlers.

either is your work, but they call family when you go to the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On one hand: Costs are out of control. College administrations are too big. They need to cut back.

On the other: How dare they not call me to report on my son/daughter’s behavior.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one would define trouble the same way. It is on your son or daughter. What you want is irrelevant.

Do you realize that if they get arrested or wind up in the emergency room while home over winter break you won’t be called either — unless your kid wants them to call you.

You are displacing your fears about them being an adult on the college.

They will use my healthy insurance so... yea, I am informed.

WTF, are you guys living under a rock do you not know how health insurance works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:college isn't a daycare. I know some of you still treat your college age children like they are toddlers.

either is your work, but they call family when you go to the hospital.

Babe, ***the hospital staff do call your family when you go to the hospital, if you are listed as the emergency contact, and either your child says 'yes, notify,' or your child is incapacitated.***

It's not the university's place to make that call, because they don't have the medical authority to do so, the way the hospital does.

I know you really, really want to blame universities for the LEGAL LANDSCAPE, but that's pretty fruitless.