Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

So older sister watched her younger brother for a couple of hours? For some reason, I thought it was an ex DH, for no reason can I understand OP's vitriol that a sister watched her younger brother. I guess we know why stepmoms have bad reputation. OP is just vile.

[Anonymous]

I was raising my two younger brothers (newborn and 11mo th old) while my stepfather travelled and my mother was passed out drunk. This was night wakeups, taking to babysitters, and all stuff when I was home from school at 13.

I trust even with a cast, your step daughter could watch a 4 year old for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is DS?

Just turned 4. And he is home sick today.

A 4 y.o. is not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait this is your current husband? You are nuts!

Not for long if she keeps up with B.S. like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please people. Biological daughter or step, couple should have had a conversation as to whether teen was ready for this. Not just one party deciding without speaking to the other.

You know the best way for the teen to become ready for it? To try it! Who cares if she has never babysat before, she has to start somewhere. Seems like the perfect way to start is in a safe environment, in her own home, for a very short time, with her own sibling, and her parent just a phone call away.

The OP is both concerned with the teenager being able to care for a sick child and being able to care for an active child while in a cast. Which is it? Is the kid throwing up his guts and burning up in fever or running circles around the backyard??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is in a cast and my son is sick. How could she even properly care for him? She has never babysat a kid before, doesn't live here full time and is not used to him.

You are crazy! ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the post OP would have made if ex took kids with him:
"My ex dragged my sick toddler(4 year old) around for 3 hours while running errands!"
or,
"My ex fed my sick kid pizza that he ordered, and they watched TV all day long!"
To me, her ex sounds like quite a capable dad, who navigated well with three kids, did the errands, and all was good.
Resentment clouds OP's judgement.

This isn't her ex.

[Anonymous]

Wow. There are some mean people on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. There are some mean people on this thread.

'
Agreed, some people should never be stepparents.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it takes mean for "crazy, stubborn and always right" to understand. She wasn't really asking, she was hoping for confirmation. She has received anything but and is still fighting to her last breath that she is correct.

[Anonymous]

You people are off your rockers. OP specifically said that her SDD doesn't live there, SDD doesn't know the child very well, the child doesn't know SDD very well. Not knowing the house or neighbors or area, not knowing the child and the child not knowing her is really more equal with a traditional babysitter situation.

OP had no idea that her young child was going to be in the care of someone other than his parent (and yes, a child that was 3 yesterday is a young child). So if she'd received word that her husband was in an accident or something, she would have naturally started freaking out assuming that the kids were also in the car, maybe even told that to law enforcement and started a search. And if the neighbor had called to report some strange activity at the house, she would have had no idea that the kids were at home together (and yes, a child who was 12 yesterday is also a kid) and wouldn't have reacted appropriately. If there was a fire in the house, she wouldn't have known to let people know that there were actually kids still trapped in the house. etc etc

That situation is nothing similar to siblings who grew up together and are comfortable being at home by themselves. Even when I was minding my younger sibling at that age, everyone knew about it and was on board with it.

Pretty sure OP even commented at some point that she doesn't think her SDD would have been totally on board with the idea either. So add that she was reluctant to the list and it paints an even worse picture.

Not sure why everyone is piling on and blaming OP for hating her SDD or anything. I didn't get that impression at all. I think she only said SDD to show that they are not siblings who grew up together, and that since they don't live together it's not something that has ever happened before either.

- Someone with no step-kids and has no dog in this fight but who has a 4 yo and I would be shocked if I found out that DH had randomly left him with someone (even one of DH's adult siblings!) without at least letting me know

[Anonymous]

Are moms expected to notify and ask permission anytime they leave their child with someone else - like with a babysitter, at the gym, drop they off for a playdate, birthday party etc ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are moms expected to notify and ask permission anytime they leave their child with someone else - like with a babysitter, at the gym, drop they off for a playdate, birthday party etc ?

Sadly, I think the mom is usually the default parent. In which case she wouldn't notify or ask permission to leave the kid at a birthday party where there's going to be adult supervision. I do think that the FIRST time the mom leaves the child with a babysitter, she would at least keep the DH in the loop though. At least that's how our family runs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are moms expected to notify and ask permission anytime they leave their child with someone else - like with a babysitter, at the gym, drop they off for a playdate, birthday party etc ?

Sadly, I think the mom is usually the default parent. In which case she wouldn't notify or ask permission to leave the kid at a birthday party where there's going to be adult supervision. I do think that the FIRST time the mom leaves the child with a babysitter, she would at least keep the DH in the loop though. At least that's how our family runs.

How hypocritical. OP's husband took care of three kids perfectly well and is getting dragged by a bunch of commenters in this thread for not behaving like he was the hired help with no right to use his own judgment.

Don't say it's "sad" that the dads aren't actively parenting if when one does you act like he's out of line for not knowing his role as Mom's brainless helper monkey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are off your rockers. OP specifically said that her SDD doesn't live there, SDD doesn't know the child very well, the child doesn't know SDD very well. Not knowing the house or neighbors or area, not knowing the child and the child not knowing her is really more equal with a traditional babysitter situation.

OP had no idea that her young child was going to be in the care of someone other than his parent (and yes, a child that was 3 yesterday is a young child). So if she'd received word that her husband was in an accident or something, she would have naturally started freaking out assuming that the kids were also in the car, maybe even told that to law enforcement and started a search. And if the neighbor had called to report some strange activity at the house, she would have had no idea that the kids were at home together (and yes, a child who was 12 yesterday is also a kid) and wouldn't have reacted appropriately. If there was a fire in the house, she wouldn't have known to let people know that there were actually kids still trapped in the house. etc etc

That situation is nothing similar to siblings who grew up together and are comfortable being at home by themselves. Even when I was minding my younger sibling at that age, everyone knew about it and was on board with it.

Pretty sure OP even commented at some point that she doesn't think her SDD would have been totally on board with the idea either. So add that she was reluctant to the list and it paints an even worse picture.

Not sure why everyone is piling on and blaming OP for hating her SDD or anything. I didn't get that impression at all. I think she only said SDD to show that they are not siblings who grew up together, and that since they don't live together it's not something that has ever happened before either.

- Someone with no step-kids and has no dog in this fight but who has a 4 yo and I would be shocked if I found out that DH had randomly left him with someone (even one of DH's adult siblings!) without at least letting me know

1) If you would flip on your DH for leaving them with an adult aunt or uncle that doesn't have a questionable history than you're off your rocker too

2) You don't have stepchildren. If you were also not a stepchild then you have no idea what kind of relationship that is. She is a step daughter but a half sister. And in my household no matter how frequently I have seen or not seen my half brothers due to travel, I was their sister

A lot of us are saying that IF SD feels like a stranger in the home that is as much a problem as OP flipping over something stupid like this.