Reply to Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

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Reply to "Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You people are off your rockers. OP specifically said that her SDD doesn't live there, SDD doesn't know the child very well, the child doesn't know SDD very well. Not knowing the house or neighbors or area, not knowing the child and the child not knowing her is really more equal with a traditional babysitter situation.

OP had no idea that her young child was going to be in the care of someone other than his parent (and yes, a child that was 3 yesterday is a young child). So if she'd received word that her husband was in an accident or something, she would have naturally started freaking out assuming that the kids were also in the car, maybe even told that to law enforcement and started a search. And if the neighbor had called to report some strange activity at the house, she would have had no idea that the kids were at home together (and yes, a child who was 12 yesterday is also a kid) and wouldn't have reacted appropriately. If there was a fire in the house, she wouldn't have known to let people know that there were actually kids still trapped in the house. etc etc

That situation is nothing similar to siblings who grew up together and are comfortable being at home by themselves. Even when I was minding my younger sibling at that age, everyone knew about it and was on board with it.

Pretty sure OP even commented at some point that she doesn't think her SDD would have been totally on board with the idea either. So add that she was reluctant to the list and it paints an even worse picture.

Not sure why everyone is piling on and blaming OP for hating her SDD or anything. I didn't get that impression at all. I think she only said SDD to show that they are not siblings who grew up together, and that since they don't live together it's not something that has ever happened before either.

- Someone with no step-kids and has no dog in this fight but who has a 4 yo and I would be shocked if I found out that DH had randomly left him with someone (even one of DH's adult siblings!) without at least letting me know[/quote]

1) If you would flip on your DH for leaving them with an adult aunt or uncle that doesn't have a questionable history than you're off your rocker too

2) You don't have stepchildren. If you were also not a stepchild then you have no idea what kind of relationship that is. She is a step daughter but a half sister. And in my household no matter how frequently I have seen or not seen my half brothers due to travel, I was their sister

A lot of us are saying that IF SD feels like a stranger in the home that is as much a problem as OP flipping over something stupid like this. [/quote]

She may not FEEL like a stranger, but still BE a relative stranger. e.g. not know where the fire extinguishers are kept, not knowing which neighbors might be safe (or even just home) in the case of emergency, etc.

Since she doesn't know the child well, she probably wouldn't be aware of the complete medical history, allergies, etc, of the child to let the paramedics know in the case of emergency, etc.

Those are the types of reasons it's more like a traditional babysitter.

And I've already explained that BOTH parents have the right to know where their child is at all times, and with whom. Unless they're divorced, in which case some of those rights go away. Most DHs aren't that interested to hear whether little Larlo has a birthday party from 2 until 4 and will be minded by Jack's parents, but if he was (and mine would be one of them) then the mom should discuss it with him.

Certainly the very first time a young child was to be minded by someone other than a parent should be agreed by both parents.[/quote]

A parent should be empowered to make decisions in the moment about their kid. Acting like a family conference is needed for this level of decision making is ridiculous and micromanaging.

Everything you say is framed with the assumption that the mom cares and the DH might. You're putting moms on a pedestal and stop it. Guys should be empowered to be fully functioning able bodied decision making adults. If your DH flipped out on you because you arranged a neighborhood babysitter without his input would you be offended? If he assumed that you wouldn't have passed on information about allergies would you be offended?

No temp babysitter is aware of all that. I have a nanny and I'm not sure if she knows where the fire extinguisher is. You need to get off your helicopter lady. In the amazon villages 3 year olds are fileting fish. I'm not saying we start handing out knives to the toddlers but they (and certainly 13 year olds, the age at wish you used to start procreating) can handle more than you think they can.

911 is the same if you're in Fargo or Reston. [/quote]

Now you're turning the discussion back into [b]"should a 4yo have a babysitter at a random time of the day when the other parent thought he was under the parent's care?"[/b] where it belongs. The question actually has nothing to do with a step daughter. It's about a "temp babysitter", to use your words.

And to answer your question, both my DH and I talk about who we want to mind our child. Neither one of us would get a neighborhood babysitter at a random time and think it's fine with the other.

P.S. You have no idea how we parent. Let's just say that the DCUM consensus was that we're insane because we DON'T helicopter our preschoolers.[/quote]

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