Reply to Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

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Reply to "Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think enough people have jumped on you for the overreaction to the situation, so I won't pile on to that.

I would like to point out another issue that I think you need to address.  The issue is one of respect.  While I understand that you may be the default parent and used to making decisions about your child, your reactions show a distinct lack of respect for your family.  While I believe that you don't intend to do this, you are putting all of them in a secondary position in the family where you are the decision maker and put them in the place of being inferior and of less importance than yourself.

Your husband is your partner and should be an equal in parenting matters.  While there are many issues that need to be discussed and mutually agreed upon, you also have to have the ability to just trust him when you cannot be there.  He made a decision on how to handle a situation when you were not there.  You should not be going and undermining him by second-guessing what his decision was and how he handled it.  This attitude creates the sense that you don't trust him.  It will make him less interested in taking parental responsibility later and and then you'll be complaining that he doesn't take an interest or won't take responsibility for the kids.  You have to be able to let go and let others made decisions even if they are sometimes wrong.  Are you always right?  No, none of us are.  And we don't need someone hovering over our shoulders every time telling us that we did this wrong and that wrong and that we should have made better decisions.  You are showing a distinct lack of trust and respect for your husband.  It may seem small, but his lack of respect can creep into a lot of situations and will hurt your relationship.  It's one more straw in the pile on the camel's back.  You need to let go and let him parent when you aren't around and let him do it his way.  He'll find his way.  You can't and shouldn't be controlling how he parents when you aren't there.

You also show a lack of respect for your daughter (yes, she's your stepdaughter, but that shouldn't matter in this context).  She's 13 which is plenty old enough for most people to babysit or care for a child.  I'm a guy and I was babysitting regularly for a 2 year old when I was 13.  Unless you had evidence otherwise, you need to trust your husband's judgement off his daughter that she was capable of taking care of her brother.  It was for a couple of hours in the afternoon and there were no special circumstances that she had to take care of.  I presume that she had access to a phone to call either your husband or you if there was any significant emergency that was outside of her ability to handle.  Otherwise, it's pretty straightforward, play with the kid or make sure he's occupied and not getting into trouble for a few hours until a parent comes home.

I think you are a little egocentric in your thinking.  You place yourself in the position that your judgment is superior to others and that they don't have ability to judge a situation to determine if it is safe.  You need to find a way to extend more respect to your family in the future and let go of the apron strings for all of them.  All of the overcontrolling mothers like you that I've known have had poor relationships with their families and children after those children achieve adulthood.[/quote]

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