Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Doubtful. He loves to work. When I was deciding whether to get 2 nannies or stay home, he had no desire to cut back at all. I offered to have him cut back and for me to stay full time. Not interested. He thinks it is nice that I have a lot of time with the kids. His mom did the same.

Yeah, a lot of interpersonal dynamics involved in this decision. My husband left biglaw to be a fed. We both work full time but there's certainly no need for two nannies. When he was in biglaw, he was very jealous not only of my time with our children - he wanted his own independent relationship with them, and for him, that required time - but of my free time. Unlike a lot of career driven men, he has hobbies he didn't want to wait until retirement to pursue.

[Anonymous]

Threads like these are why I couldn't care less about my next door neighbor's situation. She has been one of those smug SAHMs for years now. Well, turns out her DH has been having sex with a mutual friend of theirs. He moved out recently and my neighbor has hit hard times. Sometimes, I want to help, but then I kind of think this serves her right. She sat at home for years holding court over our homeowner's association and now, she's heading to an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

Don't know. But I won't go back to a big firm. I spent their very young years doing that and missed too much. And the pay isn't worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

I got the highest possible score on the LSAT so I knew what it was

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

SAHMer here. I got a 176 on my LSAT and taught Kaplan during my 2 and 3L years. Quit being pedantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

I got the highest possible score on the LSAT so I knew what it was

No you didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

SAHMer here. I got a 176 on my LSAT and taught Kaplan during my 2 and 3L years. Quit being pedantic.

okey doke!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Where did I ever say that?

But since you asked if I’m happy, yes, I’m honestly happy. He’s a wonderfully involved husband and father in the evenings and weekends. He sees his clients M-Th and puts in 12-14 hours a day and then we spend all day together fridays, and then have the weekends as a family. I have never been happier. But yes, we do have a mutual agreement that during the workweek, he is mostly focused on his work, and I am focused on things at home, so that he can get everything work related done before Th night, and we can then spend the weekend together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

No, that's a logical fallacy on your part.

Oh, really. Must be the same logic as "All negative news about Trump from liberal media is fake, and all "news" from WH is real".

NP with no dog in this fight - but it is a logical fallacy. I used to teach LSAT - this is something that some of the kids who hadn't studied philosophy or logic before taking the LSAT class would fall for before we drilled it out of them.

I got the highest possible score on the LSAT so I knew what it was

No you didn't.

Yup, I did. The scale was 10 to 48 when I took it. I got a 48, with seven questions wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

Don't know. But I won't go back to a big firm. I spent their very young years doing that and missed too much. And the pay isn't worth the effort.

Let me guess, the pay isn't worth effort for you because your biglaw husband is working a lot of hours and paying down your school debt?