Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You said a whole lot of nothing.
It has nothing to do with asserting independence and everything to do with bad manners and basic courtesy. I don't care how many scholarships, teams, clubs or what grades your kids have if they get to 18 and show the complete rudeness Op's son has you have failed.

^^^has no experience raising teens

It's sad that you think raising teens means let them do whatever they want as long as they're going to college. Things like manners and respect matter to some people it's sad you haven't bothered to teach your teens that.

What's sad is thinking that an occasion of rudeness/thoughtlessness, in an otherwise hardworking and helpful teen (by OP's report) could be perceived as indication of "failure."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is probably pregnant by now

Learned from the duck crowd. Find the good ones early.

I know you meant this to get a rise out of people, but this is exactly how my friend's first grand child was conceived, 17 years ago. They were exactly as OP describes her son, "responsible"... for TEENAGERS not at all responsible for adult responsibilities and parenthood.

Numerous folks have already pointed out the craziness in allowing a high-school-aged son to travel out of the country for weeks with a committed sexual partner (because that's, by definition, what a girlfriend or boyfriend is). This is practically an invitation for an unplanned pregnancy.

Not in Sweden.

When my Swedish family came here they brought their son's girlfriend, and the two high schoolers were sleeping together. It was no big deal, and nobody got pregnant. Swedish teens are very informed about their bodies and don't have any religious hangups about sex.

This thread isn't taking place in Sweden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is probably pregnant by now

Learned from the duck crowd. Find the good ones early.

I know you meant this to get a rise out of people, but this is exactly how my friend's first grand child was conceived, 17 years ago. They were exactly as OP describes her son, "responsible"... for TEENAGERS not at all responsible for adult responsibilities and parenthood.

Numerous folks have already pointed out the craziness in allowing a high-school-aged son to travel out of the country for weeks with a committed sexual partner (because that's, by definition, what a girlfriend or boyfriend is). This is practically an invitation for an unplanned pregnancy.

Not in Sweden.

When my Swedish family came here they brought their son's girlfriend, and the two high schoolers were sleeping together. It was no big deal, and nobody got pregnant. Swedish teens are very informed about their bodies and don't have any religious hangups about sex.

This thread isn't taking place in Sweden.

Actually, it is:

DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.

I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry.

Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You said a whole lot of nothing.
It has nothing to do with asserting independence and everything to do with bad manners and basic courtesy. I don't care how many scholarships, teams, clubs or what grades your kids have if they get to 18 and show the complete rudeness Op's son has you have failed.

^^^has no experience raising teens

It's sad that you think raising teens means let them do whatever they want as long as they're going to college. Things like manners and respect matter to some people it's sad you haven't bothered to teach your teens that.

Yeah, I don't think the kid should be given a complete pass for not running this all by his parents first. But do realize that 1) His parents did, in fact, give him permission to travel with his girlfriend and her family to a foreign country 2) The Op was aware that the girl's parents provide very lax supervision and basically let her do as she pleases.

Was he checking in with his parents regularly? Did they know where he was staying, who he was with and what he was doing throughout the trip?

The kid had permission to be in the foreign country and he had permission to self monitor and basically make decisions for himself throughout the trip. He decided to extend his trip and texted his parents about his plans. Considering the long leash he had already been given, maybe he thought that it was fine for him to make that call all on his own.

[Anonymous]

You East Coast people are very relaxed.
I would be furious. My kid while still living under my roof, is expected to follow the rules and ask permission for this.

I would call the girl's parents to ask details. The may not know he is staying.

I would also consider telling him to come home as originally planned.

Are you still paying his room and board? Are you paying for college next year? If so, you still make the rules.
He should have taken the money from his summer job and saved for some college expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is probably pregnant by now

Learned from the duck crowd. Find the good ones early.

I know you meant this to get a rise out of people, but this is exactly how my friend's first grand child was conceived, 17 years ago. They were exactly as OP describes her son, "responsible"... for TEENAGERS not at all responsible for adult responsibilities and parenthood.

Numerous folks have already pointed out the craziness in allowing a high-school-aged son to travel out of the country for weeks with a committed sexual partner (because that's, by definition, what a girlfriend or boyfriend is). This is practically an invitation for an unplanned pregnancy.

Not in Sweden.

When my Swedish family came here they brought their son's girlfriend, and the two high schoolers were sleeping together. It was no big deal, and nobody got pregnant. Swedish teens are very informed about their bodies and don't have any religious hangups about sex.

This thread isn't taking place in Sweden.

Actually, it is:

Nope, it's not. The thread is based where the OP's home is, since her son still lives with them and is therefore bound to their rules. His parents live the United States, which is why US norms are what apply here. Nice try, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is probably pregnant by now

Learned from the duck crowd. Find the good ones early.

I know you meant this to get a rise out of people, but this is exactly how my friend's first grand child was conceived, 17 years ago. They were exactly as OP describes her son, "responsible"... for TEENAGERS not at all responsible for adult responsibilities and parenthood.

Numerous folks have already pointed out the craziness in allowing a high-school-aged son to travel out of the country for weeks with a committed sexual partner (because that's, by definition, what a girlfriend or boyfriend is). This is practically an invitation for an unplanned pregnancy.

Not in Sweden.

When my Swedish family came here they brought their son's girlfriend, and the two high schoolers were sleeping together. It was no big deal, and nobody got pregnant. Swedish teens are very informed about their bodies and don't have any religious hangups about sex.

This thread isn't taking place in Sweden.

Actually, it is:

Only if you're playing dumb. "Out of the country" refers to out of the US, which is where his parents' norms are based, which is all that's relevant for this thread. And yes, it's weird to let your high-school-aged son travel out of the country (the country being the US for any dumb PPs reading) with a committed sexual partner while expecting anything besides hormone-led behavior. OP dropped the ball the moment they agreed to this idea.

[Anonymous]

Seriously; it doesn't matter what's normal in Sweden, because the OP's child isn't from Sweden. His behavior would be equally disrespectful in *any other country* relative to US norms. Before responding "not in X" country, read that sentence again. No one cares what's normal teen behavior in Australia to Zimbabwe; the only norms that matter here are those of the parents who are still paying for 99% of the things in their child's life. Those parents are based in one country. As a hint, it's the one the OP's son's passport comes from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You East Coast people are very relaxed.
I would be furious. My kid while still living under my roof, is expected to follow the rules and ask permission for this.

I would call the girl's parents to ask details. The may not know he is staying.

I would also consider telling him to come home as originally planned.

Are you still paying his room and board? Are you paying for college next year? If so, you still make the rules.
He should have taken the money from his summer job and saved for some college expenses.

Op said that she knew that the girl's parents do not provide much, if any, supervision. She allowed her responsible 18 year old son to go to a foreign country under his own supervision. She doesn't mention if her son was sending Op updates about his trip - where he was going, who he was staying with, what he was doing. Op just mentions that her son texted her to let her know that he would be back 6 days later than initially planned.

[Anonymous]

Well, to me, OP's son sounds like a great kid who make a small mistake in telling rather than asking about staying abroad for six extra days. Big deal. If my kid was headed to college on a scholarship, president of his class, worked since he was 14 and paid for this trip himself - I would be thrilled and let this error in judgement slide.

I am sure it was the trip of a lifetime for him.

[Anonymous]

Europeans are more laid back about sexual habits among teenagers. It's a generalisation, of course, but it's also true. 18 year old boy and his girlfriend? Of course they're having a lot of sex.

As it is, I'm not sure what the big deal is that he decided to extend the trip by an extra six days. He's 18, about to go off to college. I can see being upset that the amount of time left with the son before he leaves for college is now substantially reduced, but that's life and there's always holidays and weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You East Coast people are very relaxed.
I would be furious. My kid while still living under my roof, is expected to follow the rules and ask permission for this.

I would call the girl's parents to ask details. The may not know he is staying.

I would also consider telling him to come home as originally planned.

Are you still paying his room and board? Are you paying for college next year? If so, you still make the rules.
He should have taken the money from his summer job and saved for some college expenses.

Given the kid is not shying away from earning money and 18, he might very easily choose to leave if all your proposed rules appeared. My DC's friend got emancipated at 16, got GED, started community college while working, just not to have the rules like you suggest (fun restricting rules), transferring to four-year college this year, only now started mending the relationship with the parents.

[Anonymous]

Consequences of red shirting your 5 year old boy for kindergarten. Now you have an "adult" highschool student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans are more laid back about sexual habits among teenagers. It's a generalisation, of course, but it's also true. 18 year old boy and his girlfriend? Of course they're having a lot of sex.

As it is, I'm not sure what the big deal is that he decided to extend the trip by an extra six days. He's 18, about to go off to college. I can see being upset that the amount of time left with the son before he leaves for college is now substantially reduced, but that's life and there's always holidays and weekends.

Np: he's going to be a senior in HS, not going to college. That being said, I don't understand the uproar over what he did - he sounds like a great kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans are more laid back about sexual habits among teenagers. It's a generalisation, of course, but it's also true. 18 year old boy and his girlfriend? Of course they're having a lot of sex.

As it is, I'm not sure what the big deal is that he decided to extend the trip by an extra six days. He's 18, about to go off to college. I can see being upset that the amount of time left with the son before he leaves for college is now substantially reduced, but that's life and there's always holidays and weekends.

Read the thread he's not in college. He's a high school senior.

Not sure why this thread is deating teen sex habits, but okay I've been told European kids regularly start having sex at 12 and 13 years old is that something we should model?