Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

Yes that's exactly how it plays out. I don't engage with reductive, base posters like you who play dumb.

I really don't know how else it would play out, if an adult specifically asks your child to call the adult by their first name, and you have told your child that your child must call the adult by their last name no matter what the adult says.

Once again, an adult making everything about himself or herself. Get over it.

So you'll be fine with it if, for example, you ask me to call you Jane, but I call you Elizabeth? Because otherwise you'd be making it all about yourself.

The following thoughts come up often on DCUM, and I think that they reflect a particularly 21st-century, upper-middle-class American philosophy of parenting:

1. Only I have authority over my child.
2. Other people should help me raise my child the way I think my child should be raised, by doing what I want them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

Yes that's exactly how it plays out. I don't engage with reductive, base posters like you who play dumb.

I really don't know how else it would play out, if an adult specifically asks your child to call the adult by their first name, and you have told your child that your child must call the adult by their last name no matter what the adult says.

Once again, an adult making everything about himself or herself. Get over it.

So you'll be fine with it if, for example, you ask me to call you Jane, but I call you Elizabeth? Because otherwise you'd be making it all about yourself.

The following thoughts come up often on DCUM, and I think that they reflect a particularly 21st-century, upper-middle-class American philosophy of parenting:

1. Only I have authority over my child.
2. Other people should help me raise my child the way I think my child should be raised, by doing what I want them to.

Um that's called "having a village." Why on earth do you think you need to interfere with the way someone parents their kids?

[Anonymous]

You are missing the point.

You may parent your kids however you want to, of course. But other adults don't have to do whatever you want them to in the cause of your parenting. That's not called "having a village". That's called "telling other people what to do."

[Anonymous]

No, my mother did not teach me to do it. Would it have been easier if she had? Absolutely!

1. I didn't have much contact with my father's side of the family while young. As a teen and adult among family who are Southerners who expect it and veterans who expect it, yes, being in the habit initially would have been helpful.
2. Employers value courtesy. Customers value courtesy. An extra Ma'am or Sir that is forced makes people uncomfortable, but Ma'am or Sir that feels natural makes everything smoother.
3. Dealing with customer service people is much smoother when you are polite. Throw in a Ma'am or Sir and watch them unbend and actually try to help you.

[Anonymous]

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Do your children call their teachers and coaches by their first name. Or, do they put coach or Ms in front of it. Do you allow your children to call your friends by their first name.

That depends on what the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them. If the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them by their first name, then my children call them by their first name. It's polite to call people what they want to be called.

Completely agree. In the absence of that knowledge, do they start by calling them by their first names, or do they address them with a title? I have a sneaking suspicion you'll find more people put off by an 8 year old starting with 'Hello Jane' instead of 'Hello Mrs Smith' and then being told Jane is fine.

They address them as "Um...".

And actually I know plenty of people who positively dislike being called Mr./Mrs./Ms. Smith.

Wait, UM is more polite that Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms.?! When did this happen?! I'm a tutor, I would love to know when this phenomenon started, because I actively work to eradicate um, like and uh from my students' vocabularies...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

OP here. Actually, his side of the family corrects children when they are called and the children respond by saying, "what?"

This was a huge pet peeve of my mom. Not allowed to respond with a 'what', although that is a reasonable response, in my opinion.

Even "yes?" sounds nicer. And this goes both ways. If my kids address me, I respond, "Yes?" and not "What."

I was taught to either go see what the person needed (if in another room) or ask something like "Can you give me two minutes to finish please?" or "Did you need me to do something?" or "Did I forget something again?!" (The last one was my most common question!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

Parental authority to determine how to raise the child trumps a stranger's wishes every time. Sorry, just the way it is.

~Nanny who enforces how parents want children raised, even while silently concluding that parents must be alien or Victorian era

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: I'm sorry, but my parent insists that I use the manners They have taught me. Should I say Ma'am, Ms. Jones, Ms. Firstname or omit a direct address?

BTDT, I nanny, and this is exactly what one set of charges were taught to say.

[Anonymous]

A little southern girl yes " yes ma'am to me yesterday. It was so cute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wait, UM is more polite that Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms.?! When did this happen?! I'm a tutor, I would love to know when this phenomenon started, because I actively work to eradicate um, like and uh from my students' vocabularies...

It goes back at least to the 1970s, because that's what everybody did when I was a child. Either "um" or "Teacher" (in the case of a teacher). The teachers did not like being called "Teacher".

[Anonymous]

out of date and unncessary

just relax

It's Valentine's Day!

go out and buy yourself a cookie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are missing the point.

You may parent your kids however you want to, of course. But other adults don't have to do whatever you want them to in the cause of your parenting. That's not called "having a village". That's called "telling other people what to do."

Again, you are weird if you get the perverse urge to meddle in someone's parenting just cause. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: I'm sorry, but my parent insists that I use the manners They have taught me. Should I say Ma'am, Ms. Jones, Ms. Firstname or omit a direct address?

BTDT, I nanny, and this is exactly what one set of charges were taught to say.

Adult: You should call me MARTHA, because that's what I want to be called and the most polite thing you can do is call people what they want to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are missing the point.

You may parent your kids however you want to, of course. But other adults don't have to do whatever you want them to in the cause of your parenting. That's not called "having a village". That's called "telling other people what to do."

Again, you are weird if you get the perverse urge to meddle in someone's parenting just cause. Get a life.

I'm not "meddling in someone's parenting". I'm asking a person (in this case, a person who is a child) to call me what I want to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: I'm sorry, but my parent insists that I use the manners They have taught me. Should I say Ma'am, Ms. Jones, Ms. Firstname or omit a direct address?

BTDT, I nanny, and this is exactly what one set of charges were taught to say.

Adult: You should call me MARTHA, because that's what I want to be called and the most polite thing you can do is call people what they want to be called.

Then my charge won't address you by name, and they may not talk to you at all. I have to support the parent's right to have their child learn as they wish, as long as the child is not harmed. Your right to be addressed as you wish doesn't trump parental rights.