How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

May not be possible and you could literally be putting your life and the life of your child at risk

Exactly.

This is why it’s a really bad idea (and really immature) thing to demand a female-only L&D staff. Plus, the only valid (imo) reason hospitals maintain female-only L&D is because of strict Muslim women, whose religion requires that. Non-Muslims taking that option (just because you’re a little embarrassed ), is kinda like parking in a handicap space when you’re healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 1950s, you would have been knocked out, and Dad would be waiting in the lobby or even at home until called. He would see you next in a beautiful gown and makeup on. You'd emerge from the hospital 5 days later in a beautiful outfit with a baby wrapped in the blanket. No breastfeeding either- cans of formula, a night nurse so you can sleep and lots of lovely pictures of your new family with your wedding ring prominently shown. Please tell me that's not what you want, right?

DP but the "Betty Draper special" was my dream birth plan. Unfortunately, they won't do it anymore or put you under general for a scheduled c. Breastfeeding is over rated and night nurses are amazing. So yeah, for me your scenario was EXACTLY what I wanted. Sounds amazing. Not modest just zero interest in the birth, "experience."

Eek. There’s a reason all those elderly women have pelvic issues and needed bladder meshes and such. Doctors were just pulling babies out by forceps. Women were under twilight sleep.

My grandmas had to stay in the hospital for 10 days each time. Hell no. I was ready to check out asap and waiting 24 hours was awful. Those nurses woke me almost hourly all night and day. I think I would have had a mental breakdown going 10 days without sleep.

[Anonymous]

Rushing home especially in a system that's not set up for home visits is not great

[Anonymous]

Rushing home especially in a system that's not set up for home visits is not great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one whose first thought re labor is -- it's going to be humiliating? FTM (obviously). I have months to adjust to this (and don't want an elective c section, nor will I consider a home birth), but the idea of having my legs wide open, having everyone see everything, being in pain on top of that (even with the epidural -- I can't believe you feel nothing though it would be great if that's true), and having all kinds of drs, nurses etc. in the room, holding my legs -- it just seems over the top humiliating. I realize there is no other option, but still . . . I'm not sure how women go from being full dressed all/most of the time to baring it all in front of strangers, while DH is standing there fully clothed just watching. Is it just that necessity or adrenaline or something takes over, or did you feel bothered or embarrassed when someone lifted a gown or stuck a hand down there etc? I had to get an EKG earlier this week and the nurse was taking her time with the leads and during that time the dr. walked in and started saying hello and I was embarrassed then -- small potatoes compared to labor/pushing etc. Thoughts?

This is exactly why I did opt for a home birth. There was nothing high risk, so no reason why I shouldn’t be the one in charge.

I hired two highly competent midwives who knew how to manage a major unexpected challenge. Trust is everything. I was able to just go with the flow. I had to let my body do what it needed to do.

Glad it went well that time. But it doesn't always. And a perfectly; healthy pregnancy doesn't mean healthy or uncomplicated delivery.

All of this is true of hospital births. The vast majority of births are hospital births and we have abysmal maternal mortality rates.

We have abysmal rates yes but that's not because you're in a hospital. Your child could literally need NICU care seconds after birth you don't have control over that. And the minutes it takes to get them to the hospital by rescue is too long. And your midwives and EMS aren't trained for that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

May not be possible and you could literally be putting your life and the life of your child at risk

Exactly.

This is why it’s a really bad idea (and really immature) thing to demand a female-only L&D staff. Plus, the only valid (imo) reason hospitals maintain female-only L&D is because of strict Muslim women, whose religion requires that. Non-Muslims taking that option (just because you’re a little embarrassed ), is kinda like parking in a handicap space when you’re healthy.

Immaturity, and low level narcissism is what's behind all this stuff.

PS this thread is thinly veiled MAHA propaganda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

May not be possible and you could literally be putting your life and the life of your child at risk

Exactly.

This is why it’s a really bad idea (and really immature) thing to demand a female-only L&D staff. Plus, the only valid (imo) reason hospitals maintain female-only L&D is because of strict Muslim women, whose religion requires that. Non-Muslims taking that option (just because you’re a little embarrassed ), is kinda like parking in a handicap space when you’re healthy.

Immaturity, and low level narcissism is what's behind all this stuff.

PS this thread is thinly veiled MAHA propaganda.

um, this is a 2014 thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

May not be possible and you could literally be putting your life and the life of your child at risk

Exactly.

This is why it’s a really bad idea (and really immature) thing to demand a female-only L&D staff. Plus, the only valid (imo) reason hospitals maintain female-only L&D is because of strict Muslim women, whose religion requires that. Non-Muslims taking that option (just because you’re a little embarrassed ), is kinda like parking in a handicap space when you’re healthy.

Immaturity, and low level narcissism is what's behind all this stuff.

PS this thread is thinly veiled MAHA propaganda.

um, this is a 2014 thread

Shows that MAHA is what people always wanted.

[Anonymous]

Get a planned c-section. So much easier! I had three and recovery was easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the 1950s, you would have been knocked out, and Dad would be waiting in the lobby or even at home until called. He would see you next in a beautiful gown and makeup on. You'd emerge from the hospital 5 days later in a beautiful outfit with a baby wrapped in the blanket. No breastfeeding either- cans of formula, a night nurse so you can sleep and lots of lovely pictures of your new family with your wedding ring prominently shown. Please tell me that's not what you want, right?

Well first of all, this was only ever an option for rich people. At least the long hospital stays and the night nurse.

And some of this actually doesn't sound bad to me. I am glad my DH was in the room during the birth, but also -- he was useless. I think we need to really emphasize the importance of doulas or supportive L&D staff to help the mother, because this idea that most men are equipped to be your main support through that process is wrong, IME. We needed more help.

Second, a long hospital stay doesn't sound bad to me. Five days is overkill if you don't have issues, but I only spent one night in the hospital after a late afternoon birth, and it felt chaotic and stressful. I would have liked a second night before going home and being on our own with an infant.

I breastfed and would do it again, but it should be totally up to the woman. And formula is really a miracle products, there is no reason to put it down. In fact one of the things I regret is being scared to use formula at all (I worried it would disrupt what we had going with breastfeeding). I now wish we'd supplemented with formula to make it easier for DH to feed the baby and to take the pressure off of me, and I also privately think it would have been healthier for the baby to not rely 100% on my milk production, even though she seemed to hit her growth goals fine.

What's wrong with a nice outfit and a baby in a blanket? I feel like I shuffled out of the hospital in rags, I was so tired and overwhelmed. I would have liked the support to put on something nice, have someone wrap up the baby just so, and take a nice photo of our family. I don't see what is wrong with that.

A night nurse sounds amazing. Also if you don't have family to help, check out post partum doulas. They come to your house for a couple hours each day and answer questions, help with with things like bathing the baby, make sure your nutrition is good (especially important if you are breastfeeding), and are just an extra set of hands. If you can afford it, it's really worth it.

Also I don't care about prominently showing my wedding ring, but I wish we'd had a photographer come over and take photos of us early on. It's something I wanted but I couldn't make happen and I wish I'd had more support in doing it from my spouse or my family because I now am sad we don't have those photos.

I've heard your spiel on how much better childbirth is now than it was back in the 1950s before (especially from my mom) and I just don't totally agree. Some things are better, including more agency for women during childbirth. But some things are worse. The flip side of agency is there is less community and family support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

May not be possible and you could literally be putting your life and the life of your child at risk

Exactly.

This is why it’s a really bad idea (and really immature) thing to demand a female-only L&D staff. Plus, the only valid (imo) reason hospitals maintain female-only L&D is because of strict Muslim women, whose religion requires that. Non-Muslims taking that option (just because you’re a little embarrassed ), is kinda like parking in a handicap space when you’re healthy.

I don’t even know where to start with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 1950s, you would have been knocked out, and Dad would be waiting in the lobby or even at home until called. He would see you next in a beautiful gown and makeup on. You'd emerge from the hospital 5 days later in a beautiful outfit with a baby wrapped in the blanket. No breastfeeding either- cans of formula, a night nurse so you can sleep and lots of lovely pictures of your new family with your wedding ring prominently shown. Please tell me that's not what you want, right?

Well first of all, this was only ever an option for rich people. At least the long hospital stays and the night nurse.

And some of this actually doesn't sound bad to me. I am glad my DH was in the room during the birth, but also -- he was useless. I think we need to really emphasize the importance of doulas or supportive L&D staff to help the mother, because this idea that most men are equipped to be your main support through that process is wrong, IME. We needed more help.

Second, a long hospital stay doesn't sound bad to me. Five days is overkill if you don't have issues, but I only spent one night in the hospital after a late afternoon birth, and it felt chaotic and stressful. I would have liked a second night before going home and being on our own with an infant.

I breastfed and would do it again, but it should be totally up to the woman. And formula is really a miracle products, there is no reason to put it down. In fact one of the things I regret is being scared to use formula at all (I worried it would disrupt what we had going with breastfeeding). I now wish we'd supplemented with formula to make it easier for DH to feed the baby and to take the pressure off of me, and I also privately think it would have been healthier for the baby to not rely 100% on my milk production, even though she seemed to hit her growth goals fine.

What's wrong with a nice outfit and a baby in a blanket? I feel like I shuffled out of the hospital in rags, I was so tired and overwhelmed. I would have liked the support to put on something nice, have someone wrap up the baby just so, and take a nice photo of our family. I don't see what is wrong with that.

A night nurse sounds amazing. Also if you don't have family to help, check out post partum doulas. They come to your house for a couple hours each day and answer questions, help with with things like bathing the baby, make sure your nutrition is good (especially important if you are breastfeeding), and are just an extra set of hands. If you can afford it, it's really worth it.

Also I don't care about prominently showing my wedding ring, but I wish we'd had a photographer come over and take photos of us early on. It's something I wanted but I couldn't make happen and I wish I'd had more support in doing it from my spouse or my family because I now am sad we don't have those photos.

I've heard your spiel on how much better childbirth is now than it was back in the 1950s before (especially from my mom) and I just don't totally agree. Some things are better, including more agency for women during childbirth. But some things are worse. The flip side of agency is there is less community and family support.

I feel as if we need to all agree on being grateful because we have options.

I mean, I knew a couple who were from Scandinavia and they chose a home-birth; they even purchased an inflatable baby-pool and she gave birth right there in their living room! IIRC, the husband delivered, with a midwife or doula supervising him.

That’s absolutely not my story nor would it ever by my choice. But, can’t we just just respect other women’s choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one whose first thought re labor is -- it's going to be humiliating? FTM (obviously). I have months to adjust to this (and don't want an elective c section, nor will I consider a home birth), but the idea of having my legs wide open, having everyone see everything, being in pain on top of that (even with the epidural -- I can't believe you feel nothing though it would be great if that's true), and having all kinds of drs, nurses etc. in the room, holding my legs -- it just seems over the top humiliating. I realize there is no other option, but still . . . I'm not sure how women go from being full dressed all/most of the time to baring it all in front of strangers, while DH is standing there fully clothed just watching. Is it just that necessity or adrenaline or something takes over, or did you feel bothered or embarrassed when someone lifted a gown or stuck a hand down there etc? I had to get an EKG earlier this week and the nurse was taking her time with the leads and during that time the dr. walked in and started saying hello and I was embarrassed then -- small potatoes compared to labor/pushing etc. Thoughts?

I scheduled all my c-sections. No embarrassment at all.

[Anonymous]

Lol you won’t care. Birth is such a humbling experience. But if you have a great team it’s amazing.

I had an amazing OB and nurses. All female team who were so supportive and went above and beyond.

[Anonymous]

No one cares what your crotch looks like. Trimmed, landing strip, bald or bush…