How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a history of CSA or similar?

WTH? Why would assume a woman's modesty comes from a history of assault? Modesty is as normal as nudity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one whose first thought re labor is -- it's going to be humiliating? FTM (obviously). I have months to adjust to this (and don't want an elective c section, nor will I consider a home birth), but the idea of having my legs wide open, having everyone see everything, being in pain on top of that (even with the epidural -- I can't believe you feel nothing though it would be great if that's true), and having all kinds of drs, nurses etc. in the room, holding my legs -- it just seems over the top humiliating. I realize there is no other option, but still . . . I'm not sure how women go from being full dressed all/most of the time to baring it all in front of strangers, while DH is standing there fully clothed just watching. Is it just that necessity or adrenaline or something takes over, or did you feel bothered or embarrassed when someone lifted a gown or stuck a hand down there etc? I had to get an EKG earlier this week and the nurse was taking her time with the leads and during that time the dr. walked in and started saying hello and I was embarrassed then -- small potatoes compared to labor/pushing etc. Thoughts?

Doctors and nurses do this every day. They aren’t thinking twice about it. I had a long induction and labor at a teaching hospital and by day 2 young random doctors would walk in and be like “can I take a look?” And I was like “get in line bro, it’s open season down there.” I get it may be more challenging if you’re naturally more demure or modest than I am, but I really wouldn’t worry about this too much. Nobody else in the room is giving it a first or second thought. Just get the baby out safely and focus on staying safe yourself.

[Anonymous]

It’s not just birth that puts you in this position of vulnerability. Major surgery, cancer treatment, a car accident, an autoimmune disease - any of these things, and more, can result in you being mostly or totally naked and vulnerable in front of doctors, nurses, and others, and not in a position to control how you present to the world. My two births were my first, but not my only, encounters with this. I think of it as part of growing as a human.

If you can reframe this not as humiliation, but as vulnerability, maybe it will feel easier to anticipate? I found those experiences empowering in retrospect. People, including my husband, have seen me in these very difficult moments, and they still care for and respect me.