Reply to How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the 1950s, you would have been knocked out, and Dad would  be waiting in the lobby or even at home until called. He would  see you next in a beautiful gown and makeup on. You'd emerge  from the hospital 5 days later in a beautiful outfit with a baby wrapped in the blanket. No breastfeeding either- cans of formula, a night nurse so you can sleep  and lots of lovely pictures of your  new family with your wedding ring prominently shown. Please tell me that's not what you want, right? [/quote]

Well first of all, this was only ever an option for rich people. At least the long hospital stays and the night nurse.

And some of this actually doesn't sound bad to me. I am glad my DH was in the room during the birth, but also -- he was useless. I think we need to really emphasize the importance of doulas or supportive L&D staff to help the mother, because this idea that most men are equipped to be your main support through that process is wrong, IME. We needed more help.

Second, a long hospital stay doesn't sound bad to me. Five days is overkill if you don't have issues, but I only spent one night in the hospital after a late afternoon birth, and it felt chaotic and stressful. I would have liked a second night before going home and being on our own with an infant.

I breastfed and would do it again, but it should be totally up to the woman. And formula is really a miracle products, there is no reason to put it down. In fact one of the things I regret is being scared to use formula at all (I worried it would disrupt what we had going with breastfeeding). I now wish we'd supplemented with formula to make it easier for DH to feed the baby and to take the pressure off of me, and I also privately think it would have been healthier for the baby to not rely 100% on my milk production, even though she seemed to hit her growth goals fine.

What's wrong with a nice outfit and a baby in a blanket? I feel like I shuffled out of the hospital in rags, I was so tired and overwhelmed. I would have liked the support to put on something nice, have someone wrap up the baby just so, and take a nice photo of our family. I don't see what is wrong with that.

A night nurse sounds amazing. Also if you don't have family to help, check out post partum doulas. They come to your house for a couple hours each day and answer questions, help with with things like bathing the baby, make sure your nutrition is good (especially important if you are breastfeeding), and are just an extra set of hands. If you can afford it, it's really worth it.

Also I don't care about prominently showing my wedding ring, but I wish we'd had a photographer come over and take photos of us early on. It's something I wanted but I couldn't make happen and I wish I'd had more support in doing it from my spouse or my family because I now am sad we don't have those photos.

I've heard your spiel on how much better childbirth is now than it was back in the 1950s before (especially from my mom) and I just don't totally agree. Some things are better, including more agency for women during childbirth. But some things are worse. The flip side of agency is there is less community and family support. [/quote]

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