Ask me anything: I am a kept woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this man started an affair before being married to a supposedly miserable woman, who he married anyway. He then proceeded to have children with her, and makes himself available to them only when it is convenient for him (when he is not traveling for work, or spending time with his mistresses).

Gee, I cannot fathom what his wife might have to bitch about.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe no one asked this - IS THE SEX GOOD? :0)

Yeah. It really, really is.

And... that's all I needed to know. If a rich guy was giving me great sex and taking good care of me, I would do the same thing.

If you were getting enough money, you could buy your own "good-sex" on the side.
You know -- trickle down economy.

+1000
I don't like younger guys, but I'd find an aging Kiwi rugby player and my days would never be boring again.

[Anonymous]

OP do you think there is something wrong with you that you find yourself in this situation?

I am not trying to be nasty, I am genuinely curious about how you rate your own emotional health after involving yourself with someone who has carried on an affair with you before he even got married and now has two young children.

You say you don't love him, but do you trust him? Do you believe that he lies to his wife but tells you the utter truth? Do you use protection against diseases? (seeing as he could contract from his wife or other people he is sleeping with while sleeping with you) I personally am not worried about you being cast aside for the younger hotter model, I am sure that can be more easily overcome. I am more worry about your level of self-esteem- typically other women struggle with it and find validation from straying husbands, in general very sad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is his wife a bitch or extremely fat or crazy or an addict or asexual? Or is she basically normal?

The impression I've gotten is that she's high strung and ... doesn't put out. They had big issues with having their second child because she wanted one but didn't want to have sex to "make" him. She is exhausted a lot despite having a full time housekeeper and nanny.

He could have broken off the engagement and not had two children with his wife. It's not her, it's him, pp.

Every man who cheat says he has a wife who doesn't put out, is "crazy", is too controlling, blah blah blah. It's never about the cheating man who is obviously too selfish, immature and cowardly to either end his unhappy relationship before taking up with another woman OR address his marital issues through therapy, etc. Pathetic.

Incidentally, I don't blame the other woman in these scenarios. Feel sorry for them to some extent since they usually have issues themselves. But they didn't take the vow of marriage, the guys did.

That is true, but since OP is a consenting adult with knowledge of her affair partner's marriage and children, she is undeniably complicit. Blame is not mutually exclusive.

Sure, but she doesn't owe anything to her partner's wife and kids. Sure, it's not morally upstanding to be the other woman. But she's not complicit. She is a symptom of her partner's dishonesty and selfishness.

She surely is complicit from an ethical perspective, though not a legal one. She's an agent, not a passive "symptom." She can act and stop the relationship should she wish. Legally, she has no obligation to her affair partner's wife or kids, but morally she is culpable. She has chosen with intent, time and time again, to participate in an act that can cause potential harm to innocent bystanders (the children). I agree that the husband has more responsibility in this case, but it is simplistic to the point of inaccuracy to say that the OP has clean hands.

I disagree with you and your line of thinking simply props up the absurd notion that the cheater is not absolutely and undenaibly culpable, legally and otherwise. Again, she didn't take the vows of marriage and fidelity. I'd feel the same way if the cheater were a woman, by the way.

Why do you think that placing some responsibility on the OP takes away from the culpability of the husband? Put it this way, if the OP didn't know that her partner was married, does it change OP's moral understanding of the situation? It surely does. In the hypothetical, she is an innocent victim. In reality, OP knows exactly the situation she's in--she's having an affair with a married man with kids. It's not a zero-sum game of guilt. There is plenty to go around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if he is so unhappy with his wife, why do you think he married her?

I don't know; never asked. We don't really talk about his wife when we're together.

[Anonymous]

Are you religious?

[Anonymous]

I really don't see how someone who makes less than 1 million dollars a year (and thats at the min) can afford to support another person entirely. By the time you pay for all your cars, your house, your retirement, your wife and childrens needs, your vacations, etc to have enough left over for a.) to support someone entirely b.) without your wife realizing another 70k or so net is gone seems so unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe no one asked this - IS THE SEX GOOD? :0)

Yeah. It really, really is.

And... that's all I needed to know. If a rich guy was giving me great sex and taking good care of me, I would do the same thing.

Except, he isn't really rich. He sounds well-off, but he can't have but so much disposable income if wifey is a SAHM with a full time nanny and housekeeper. Wifey likely has her own maintainence expenses at the salon, gym, etc. If the oldest kid is 3, he or she is probably in a 20-30k preschool, with younger sib a year or 2 off from going.

It just sounds all so middle class.

I don't picture OP headed to Milan on these business trips, but Muncie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if he is so unhappy with his wife, why do you think he married her?

I don't know; never asked. We don't really talk about his wife when we're together.

Geez people, she's not his therapist.

OP, is it like the movies?
Is it like being Tony Soprano's goomar?
Or Tom Buchanan's kept woman from The Great Gatsby?

or any other of a billion examples.

[Anonymous]

how old are his kids?

[Anonymous]

Do you use protection with him?

I had a cousin that I purposely have no contact with anymore and she was seeing a married man a few years back. According to her, they only married because they had a child together and he was unhappy. My cousin had ongoing unprotected sex with him. I suspected he was still having sex with his wife as well. The loser actually lived with in his wife's parents basement and worked a shitty job, yet took my cousin to hotels. The wife was very attractive, had a great body and was both working and finishing her degree. My cousin is a flat chested, average looking female. Seriously, find your own man. Yuck. I bet he's swapping fluids with both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe no one asked this - IS THE SEX GOOD? :0)

Yeah. It really, really is.

Why don't you love him?

I'm not in love with him. I care a LOT for him. Not sure why I'm not in love, but guess it's because he's not free to be with me exclusively. A self-protection thing?

And almost ALL young, single mistresses say that, too. Yet, they wind up devastated when the affair ends. You can SAY that you don't love him but that doesn't make it true - feelings are feelings and you admit that you care deeply for him. Watch it or you will end up with a broken heart, a lot of your youth wasted on this man and very little to show for it.

I'm sorry, but this is SOP in the married man/mistress handbook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you think there is something wrong with you that you find yourself in this situation?

I am not trying to be nasty, I am genuinely curious about how you rate your own emotional health after involving yourself with someone who has carried on an affair with you before he even got married and now has two young children.

You say you don't love him, but do you trust him? Do you believe that he lies to his wife but tells you the utter truth? Do you use protection against diseases? (seeing as he could contract from his wife or other people he is sleeping with while sleeping with you) I personally am not worried about you being cast aside for the younger hotter model, I am sure that can be more easily overcome. I am more worry about your level of self-esteem- typically other women struggle with it and find validation from straying husbands, in general very sad...

Do I trust him to ... what? I think there are some things we don't talk about (his marriage) so as to avoid lying to each other. He's not sleeping with anyone besides me and his wife. His wife doesn't have sex with anyone. My emotional health feels fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you use protection with him?

I had a cousin that I purposely have no contact with anymore and she was seeing a married man a few years back. According to her, they only married because they had a child together and he was unhappy. My cousin had ongoing unprotected sex with him. I suspected he was still having sex with his wife as well. The loser actually lived with in his wife's parents basement and worked a shitty job, yet took my cousin to hotels. The wife was very attractive, had a great body and was both working and finishing her degree. My cousin is a flat chested, average looking female. Seriously, find your own man. Yuck. I bet he's swapping fluids with both of you.

He's probably fooling around with other other women, not just his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe no one asked this - IS THE SEX GOOD? :0)

Yeah. It really, really is.

And... that's all I needed to know. If a rich guy was giving me great sex and taking good care of me, I would do the same thing.

If you were getting enough money, you could buy your own "good-sex" on the side.
You know -- trickle down economy.

You mean if my rich guy was not giving me good sex. THAT'S A TERRIFIC IDEA!