This was a real post on my neighborhood listserv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the listserv too, and believe me people are giggling about this in real life in the neighborhood.

And to the PP who is saddened by this, I hope you find closure.

You sound like a great group of people. Similar to a lot of people I knew in middle school.

The pine come lady is exhibiting some 'middle school' like behavior as well - looking to publicly shame the man who scolded her son. Instead of just dealing with her son and moving on. She is the onw trying to escalate a fairly minor situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHAT neighborhood in Bethesda?

The neighborhood where they post a listserv message to DCUM so petty women can tear you to shreds and giggle behind your back. All the neighborhoods in Bethesda are roughly the same.

[Anonymous]

takoma wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I guess I'm inviting everyone to mock me as well, but here goes. . .

I don't think the mother's email was really off base. It's not something I would probably send, but my reaction as a recipient would have been mild sympathy.

Some kids have a really strong sense of shame, especially at that age, and many have a strong sense of justice as well. In combination, I can see where a mother would be frustrated at how this played out. My nephew is like that. I can easily imagine him ruminating on this and feeling really bad and embarrassed for a long time.

I also think if you're going to really take someone to task, especially a stranger who won't have the opportunity to follow up later, it's better not to do it in a hit-and-run fashion. The kid is not entitled to "closure" as the mother put it, but it would nice. Since the guy took on the role of "village" in this situation, he could have take the extra 30 seconds to do it more productively. Learning to apologize meaningfully is important and this was a lost opportunity for that. One of my biggest peeves is those terrible, passive-voice, "I'm sorry if what I said/did offended you," nonapologies that you hear all the time.

What else would you say if you said something you think needed saying, but you know that, unfortunately, someone was offended? I want to express my sympathy, but I'm not apologizing. Surely people know that sorry is not a synonym for apology. If not, I'm sorry to hear it.

PP here. I think you nailed it. When someone says, "I'm sorry if what I said offended anyone," they ARE NOT ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING! They usually want credit for apologizing, but they're not actually admitting that they did anything wrong. It's the hypocrisy of that which is so objectionable. And usually the only thing they're sorry about is that they're in trouble. There are certainly times when one wants to smooth things over without actually admitting they were wrong and such a statement may be appropriate. (I'm thinking of arguments with my husband!) But I was referring to cases like when a public figure makes a racist remark or says something really insensitive. How hard is it to say, "I'm sorry I said/did XYZ and in doing so, hurt you. I said something stupid/clumsy/unthinking/ignorant/awful, and I was wrong. I'm so sorry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHAT neighborhood in Bethesda?

The neighborhood where they post a listserv message to DCUM so petty women can tear you to shreds and giggle behind your back. All the neighborhoods in Bethesda are roughly the same.

Completely agree. Is OP 13? I can't believe how classless this is. All time new low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing revealed to dcum general, but certainly to the listserv moms who are on dcum. Privacy isn't the issue even.

It's just plain inexcusable meanness.

It is DCUM. They have never been nice here.

And so it's okay? Is that also what we should teach our children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on the listserv too, and believe me people are giggling about this in real life in the neighborhood.

And to the PP who is saddened by this, I hope you find closure.

And here is the single meanest post in the whole damned thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing revealed to dcum general, but certainly to the listserv moms who are on dcum. Privacy isn't the issue even.

It's just plain inexcusable meanness.

It is DCUM. They have never been nice here.

And so it's okay? Is that also what we should teach our children?

Okay, so the pine come lady gets a pass? She gets to go on her neighborhood listserve and post a public rant against a neighbor. But, you're on here criticizing OP for reposting it?

Lol, strange logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the listserv too, and believe me people are giggling about this in real life in the neighborhood.

And to the PP who is saddened by this, I hope you find closure.

And here is the single meanest post in the whole damned thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHAT neighborhood in Bethesda?

The neighborhood where they post a listserv message to DCUM so petty women can tear you to shreds and giggle behind your back. All the neighborhoods in Bethesda are roughly the same.

Completely agree. Is OP 13? I can't believe how classless this is. All time new low.

I find the pine cone lady to be the immature one here. She is the one acting like she was 13. OP simply copied her own email and further shared it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the listserv too, and believe me people are giggling about this in real life in the neighborhood.

And to the PP who is saddened by this, I hope you find closure.

And here is the single meanest post in the whole damned thread.

I agree because if I was the author of the original listserv email, I would move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I agree with the poster who objected to OP's post on the grounds that what goes on in the neighborhood stays in the neighborhood. OP, you're just looking to start something in your hood.

+1

Most listserves actually do have an agreement about not forwarding emails onward without the express permission of the original poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHAT neighborhood in Bethesda?

The neighborhood where they post a listserv message to DCUM so petty women can tear you to shreds and giggle behind your back. All the neighborhoods in Bethesda are roughly the same.

Completely agree. Is OP 13? I can't believe how classless this is. All time new low.

I find the pine cone lady to be the immature one here. She is the one acting like she was 13. OP simply copied her own email and further shared it.

OP is publicly humiliating her. She also posted that everyone was laughing behind her back. OP posted the email to have everyone pile on here at DCUM. DCUM is the site where the meanies are, after all.

[Anonymous]

The point remains that in the world of Special Snowflakes, the kid is a Legacy.

[Anonymous]

This post is really despicable. When I first read op I didn't know what was worse - the "victim" stoping to complain about a fucking pine cone or the mother with her martyrdom syndrome.

In any event, op's conduct is worse than both the victim's and the mother, because although she didn't post the mother's name here, I am 99% sure that most of the people who live in this neighborhood in Bethesda visit this website and upon seeing this WILL recognize the mother.

And I am also sure they will all comment about it - some making fun, some pitying, etc. They will also comment on the answer's the mother got here about her and her son.

The only person who will NOT be commented about it op - a coward who hid behind an anonymous board to bring public shame to one of her neighbors. While her post on the listserve was idiotic, we ALL had the opportunity to do something idiotic once or twice in our lives (AT LEAST). NO ONE deserves this kind of shame - it is as bad as if op had published the mother's name here.

It would be different if this listserve was in a neighborhood in AK for instance, where no one else might know this site exists and make the correlation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing revealed to dcum general, but certainly to the listserv moms who are on dcum. Privacy isn't the issue even.

It's just plain inexcusable meanness.

It is DCUM. They have never been nice here.

And so it's okay? Is that also what we should teach our children?

Okay, so the pine come lady gets a pass? She gets to go on her neighborhood listserve and post a public rant against a neighbor. But, you're on here criticizing OP for reposting it?

Lol, strange logic.

Yes, because in a case like this, mockery is a far worse offense. It is a uniquely mean thing to do. If you were somewhere surrounded by members of your social circle, would you rather someone come up to you and express anger about something you did or make fun of you, for everyone to hear? What would make you feel worse next time you happened to pass someone from that social circle on the street?

In this case, in especially mean because now this mother may well know that people in her neighborhood have been mocking her but she won't know exactly who. How should she feel at the next playdate or out walking the dog or at the next school function when she engages in conversation with people she knows are on the listserv?