Men are only as Faithful as their Options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Oh, I see you are the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

I disagree with this, I think it's more of an individual thing. I'm a DW who notices other men every once in a while and has been tempted to cheat, would probaby go for it in the OP's described scenario, no one would find out, no emotions getting involved etc. It's not because I don't love DH, I adore him and our marriage is great, but the idea of monogamy is not one I've been able to make peace with (yeah I know, I shouldn't have gotten married but hey, there are many things in life we should do that we do). I am able to compartmentalize love, sex, romance, etc. So sleeping with another man or flirting has nothing to do with my love for my DH. It's just pure animalistic sex with a random person, nothing about him concerns me except his body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I do think men would cheat if given the opportunity. At least most men. I think it was Chris Rock that said in a standup that men are only as honest as their opportunities at any given point in time. Men are hardwired to want & need sex. They also aren't the best communicators. Physical need for sex greater than their partner combined with lack of ability to effectively communicate with their partner and it's almost a recipe for disaster.

Women, do not discount the importance of sex to your partner. Men, do not discount the importance of communication with your partner. If you're thinking of straying, you need to tell them. Seriously, we don't get it. This is coming from a woman who wished her husband would have told her he was seriously considering cheating vs her finding out and trying to pick up the pieces. It wasn't until this happened that I truly realized he needed his sexuality validated every bit as much as I do.

So did your husband cheat or you found out before he cheated?

How did you find out?

I found out after the fact. His FB private messages were going to his email which I eventually gained access to. I wasn't looking for it, I was using his iPad and his password was saved. Browse to email site and there they are when the mail loaded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

B.S. - What studies? And even if they were held up to scientific standards, it wouldn't make it true for everyone.

I think "romantic love" can be nurtured and sustained. Some people put the work into it and some people don't. Been married 20+ years. We got the romantic love back by reconnecting in ways similar to when we were dating. Regular sex also helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

I disagree with this, I think it's more of an individual thing. I'm a DW who notices other men every once in a while and has been tempted to cheat, would probaby go for it in the OP's described scenario, no one would find out, no emotions getting involved etc. It's not because I don't love DH, I adore him and our marriage is great, but the idea of monogamy is not one I've been able to make peace with (yeah I know, I shouldn't have gotten married but hey, there are many things in life we should do that we do). I am able to compartmentalize love, sex, romance, etc. So sleeping with another man or flirting has nothing to do with my love for my DH. It's just pure animalistic sex with a random person, nothing about him concerns me except his body.

PP, do you have kids with your DH? Or are they from a previous marriage. Because psychologically, there's a really different drive happening there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

First off, it is much easier for a woman to cheat than a man. Second, there are many reasons why women file for most divorces. Men are too chickensh$t to hurt a woman and wait for her to file, men are concerned that if they file, it will mean a worse settlement for them, and some men are just pussies who want a woman to take care of them and will stay until she dumps him.

[Anonymous]

This is why they should have no options. Second class citizenship for you! No rights and you are considered your W's property. How about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone out their whose relationship and family remained intact after a cheating sack of shit husband was exposed?

Me. Well sort of. We're still together two years later. I stayed because we have two little kids and his behavior post-affair took a massive turn for the better. We did therapy for a year. I'll never love and respect him fully again. But we're happy and in my case, my life and my kids' life is better than it would have been had we divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone out their whose relationship and family remained intact after a cheating sack of shit husband was exposed?

Me. Well sort of. We're still together two years later. I stayed because we have two little kids and his behavior post-affair took a massive turn for the better. We did therapy for a year. I'll never love and respect him fully again. But we're happy and in my case, my life and my kids' life is better than it would have been had we divorced.

Do you think you will divorce him after the kids are out of the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

First off, it is much easier for a woman to cheat than a man. Second, there are many reasons why women file for most divorces. Men are too chickensh$t to hurt a woman and wait for her to file, men are concerned that if they file, it will mean a worse settlement for them, and some men are just pussies who want a woman to take care of them and will stay until she dumps him.

Why is it easier for a woman to cheat than a man? Because you think all men are sex craved beasts and will stray if sex is offered?

BS - I think you over generalize and insult both men and women with that statement. It comes down to who has character and who doesn't, plain and simple. Women and men have the power to make choices. Some people are more inclined than others to make the wrong choices while some people are more inclined than others to make the right choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

First off, it is much easier for a woman to cheat than a man. Second, there are many reasons why women file for most divorces. Men are too chickensh$t to hurt a woman and wait for her to file, men are concerned that if they file, it will mean a worse settlement for them, and some men are just pussies who want a woman to take care of them and will stay until she dumps him.

Why is it easier for a woman to cheat than a man? Because you think all men are sex craved beasts and will stray if sex is offered?

BS - I think you over generalize and insult both men and women with that statement. It comes down to who has character and who doesn't, plain and simple. Women and men have the power to make choices. Some people are more inclined than others to make the wrong choices while some people are more inclined than others to make the right choices.

Any woman who doesn't weigh 200 lbs can walk into a Georgetown bar and leave with a different person every night of the week if she desires. The great majority of men cannot. Biology pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men desire to cheat. I'm not saying that all do. But if a man is alive, with a pulse, he has thought about it. The test will be when desire meets opportunity. It doesn't necessarily make them bad husbands or fathers. It's how the species survives. I understand the desire for women to cling fiercely to the notion that this is not some sort of DNA-based urge. I can say nothing to disabuse them of that notion. For those of us who understand reality, however, we become increasingly vigilant to protect against predatory females, we work hard to cut off opportunity, and we . . . give great head.

It really pisses me off when men say there is an urge for men and don't acknowledge women. Come on, your wife thinks about other men all the time and she's pretty much just as likely to cheat. Women tend to think of the kids more but otherwise, it's fair game.

Women do not have the same DNA-embedded desire to stray. Just the opposite, actually. That's why so many women on this board refuse to believe the entire premise of this thread. Men are programmed to cheat. It may not have happened to you . . . yet. If you make it through a lifetime of marriage without him cheating, you are one of the lucky ones.

This is absolutely not true. There are studies that show "romantic love" for both partners fades within a time frame of a few years because that is about how long it takes to get together, bond, mate, and for the woman to recover.

However, women do have hormones that compel them to be attached to the "provider" man longer, and try to hold the family together, but the fact is these systems are primative and designed for humans that had a much,much shorter life expectancy. These hormones fade as childrearing winds down and the little kid phase is over.

Most divorces are initiated by women in this country, and because most infidelity is not detected or is forgiven by the wife, the wives aren't always leaving cheaters. They are leaving because they want to leave.

Highly recommend reading "The Female Brain." Very fascinating.

B.S. - What studies? And even if they were held up to scientific standards, it wouldn't make it true for everyone.

I think "romantic love" can be nurtured and sustained. Some people put the work into it and some people don't. Been married 20+ years. We got the romantic love back by reconnecting in ways similar to when we were dating. Regular sex also helps.

Of course there are studies, and they are scientific. It's just measuring brain waves. Romantic love is a thing, I'm not talking about what you are talking about. You may have a great marriage, but you absolutely don't have the same hormone levels and chemical reactions going on in the brain and body that you did that year. It is a scientific fact. You can still have moments of passion and butterflies, but on a chemical level, it is absolutely not sustained.

[Anonymous]

PP - meant that first year.