First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's fine to have a little wine when you have other children spend the night, can you agree on what's enough? You really don't know how one glass or two might affect someone, for any number of reasons. Do you also think it's okay for someone to smoke a little marijuana? Not enough to get high, you understand, just enough to relax for the evening?

If I didn't trust the people I was leaving my child with to make those kinds of common sense determinations for themselves then I wouldn't leave my child there. (No to the pot.)

This!!!

Ever had a friend who was an alcoholic and you didn't know it? It can happen . . .

If the friend was an alcoholic she would probably drink in private. You'd never know. How could you be so irresponsible as to ever let your children be supervised by someone other than yourself?

[Anonymous]

I don't think attacking OP is called for. I think she is new to sleepovers and was wondering if the parents having some wine was typical. I think she judged that her particular child would likely be fine and not have problems being at a different house, and that the other parents were ok with it, so she left her DD with her friends. Not 100% comfortable but with some concerns. She had to leave, and in any event you really don't know what goes on at other people's houses anyway. I'm sure that her DD was fine and probably had fun. I don't think a debate over drinking when you are responsible for other people's kids should be off limits. Sorry if it makes any of you question your own drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are really defensive about their drinking. First subtle sign of alcoholism!! Really, don't drink when other peoples kids are there. OK to have the proverbial one 6oz. glass if it is just your kids around. When no kids are around---party on--MD20/20 for me!

According to many on this listserve even having one drink probably makes you an alcoholic.

In my culture alcohol is an accepted and regular part of life. I would not occur to me not to have a glass or wine or a beer with my evening meal just because another kid was over for a sleep-over. Of course we wouldn't get drunk under such circumstances.

I suggest that those people for whom a drink while children are present in the house is unacceptable make their desires known clearly in advance so we can uninvite their children from any parties in the future.
I suspect that your are in a minority.

Other cultures/countries are not as car-centered as the USA With all the hype here about drinking responsibly, MADD, raising of the drinking age 25 years ago, removing alcohol ads from the TV (recently brought back after prime-time), I just can't believe parents can't control themselves for one night out of seven for a child's party. If it were still legal for your senior in high school to drink would you condone drinking and driving after a "few" glasses of wine hanging out with friends? How about doing their homework?

[Anonymous]

there's a new study out that i can't be bothered to find but it basically concluded that parents that were extreme in their approach to alcohol, either way, ended up with kids who were more likely to binge.

i really believe that people who can incorporate alcohol into their lives in a healthy way and don't think it's the end of the world if someone wants one glass of wine and know how to stop after one glass of wine are the ones whose kids will not be blacking in out in college from drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the debate about drinking, I think people are really missing the forest for the trees here -- the OP was willing to leave her kid with someone who may have been getting sh*t faced drunk - she just didn't know whether it was the type of person to have one drink or nine.

She has no idea. If she was at all remotely uncomfortable with that and/or didn't know enough about the family to that end to know that she wouldn't have been in this situation to start with.

I have been in the anti-drinking camp here but I agree with this. If the mom was super concerned, she should not have left her kid.

Agreed. If she was concerned enough to come and post on here, did it not occur to her to not leave her kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are really defensive about their drinking. First subtle sign of alcoholism!! Really, don't drink when other peoples kids are there. OK to have the proverbial one 6oz. glass if it is just your kids around. When no kids are around---party on--MD20/20 for me!

According to many on this listserve even having one drink probably makes you an alcoholic.

In my culture alcohol is an accepted and regular part of life. I would not occur to me not to have a glass or wine or a beer with my evening meal just because another kid was over for a sleep-over. Of course we wouldn't get drunk under such circumstances.

I suggest that those people for whom a drink while children are present in the house is unacceptable make their desires known clearly in advance so we can uninvite their children from any parties in the future.
I suspect that your are in a minority.

Other cultures/countries are not as car-centered as the USA With all the hype here about drinking responsibly, MADD, raising of the drinking age 25 years ago, removing alcohol ads from the TV (recently brought back after prime-time), I just can't believe parents can't control themselves for one night out of seven for a child's party. If it were still legal for your senior in high school to drink would you condone drinking and driving after a "few" glasses of wine hanging out with friends? How about doing their homework?

It's likely they could "control themselves" for one night but didnt' think it was necessary to skip a glass of wine. Sounds like having a glass of wine was part of the adult socializing. The blood alcohol laws are in place to ensure people dont' drink MORE than a safe amount before driving, not that people drink nothing at all before driving. If it was unsafe to drive after one glass of wine, then allowable blood alcohol levels would reflect that.

[Anonymous]

I second the query about where all you prohibitionist parents live. I just can't believe that there are this many people in DC or close-in MoCo, where I live, who see an invitation to have a glass of wine with the parent of your child's friend as a slippery slope - or worse - to alcoholism, illegal drug use, sexual abuse, silent drowning?? and myriad other calamities.

I also think the forest-for-the-trees poster had it right on. I don't have any trouble with parents having a glass or two of wine while they care for kids, even mine, but there's not a chance in hell that I'd leave my 6yo to sleep at a house unless I knew the parents would be caring and responsible and unless I was 100 percent confident that he'd be okay. He's never had a sleepover invitation and I don't think he's nearly ready for that. I find the OP's blythe comment that her child is "chill" and therefore she wasn't worried about her first sleepover much more disturbing than the fact that the host parents made a friendly, social effort to get to know her better. The OP's rejection of the offer to socialize for a few moments with the hosts (and potentially ease her daughter's transition) was the really irresponsible piece of this story.

[Anonymous]

A glass or two of wine, no problem. Getting drunk or buzzed while responsible for kids, not OK.

Funny, when we socialize with friends I am often the ONLY parent who spends the evening actually WATCHING my kids. The parents would put in a movie, give the kids popcorn, and send them down to the basement playroom. I was the ONLY parent who would actually sit down there and watch the kids to make sure, for example, nobody choked! These kids were, four I think? It was very isolating for me to miss all the socializing but I simply could not relax if I left my kid alone in the basement. I am sure they all thought I was nuts.

Oh and I often had a glass of wine while supervising, however!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we should start wearing colored bandanas, like the gangs do, to indicate what we're okay with as parents and then we can just gravitate to the appropriate group.

I'll don a red and white bandana - red to indicate I enjoy an occasional glass of wine and white to indicate I'm a breastfeeder.

LOVE IT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one drink incapacitates you, you have bigger problems.

You're clearly ignorant about alcohol metabolism. The less your body "tolerates" it the healthier (and less risk) you are.

The more alcohol it takes for you to get a buzz means your liver is more compromised. That's why you need more and more alcohol to get a buzz if you drink more often.

Isn't it how it works with every drug? You always need more quantity if you want to get more of the effects of it.

It also depends on your body structure - amount of fat and muscle you have and the speed of your metabolism.

You should get out there and so some research instead of repeat the trash you hear from drunk people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A glass or two of wine, no problem. Getting drunk or buzzed while responsible for kids, not OK.

Funny, when we socialize with friends I am often the ONLY parent who spends the evening actually WATCHING my kids. The parents would put in a movie, give the kids popcorn, and send them down to the basement playroom. I was the ONLY parent who would actually sit down there and watch the kids to make sure, for example, nobody choked! These kids were, four I think? It was very isolating for me to miss all the socializing but I simply could not relax if I left my kid alone in the basement. I am sure they all thought I was nuts.

Oh and I often had a glass of wine while supervising, however!

I think I'd like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's fine to have a little wine when you have other children spend the night, can you agree on what's enough? You really don't know how one glass or two might affect someone, for any number of reasons. Do you also think it's okay for someone to smoke a little marijuana? Not enough to get high, you understand, just enough to relax for the evening?

If I didn't trust the people I was leaving my child with to make those kinds of common sense determinations for themselves then I wouldn't leave my child there. (No to the pot.)

This!!!

Ever had a friend who was an alcoholic and you didn't know it? It can happen . . .

Oh dear God. We must never leave our homes. Lock your doors! Never trust a soul!!! Everyone could possibly be an alcoholic by God!

[Anonymous]

one drink would definitely incapaciate me. one sip of wine and i feel the effects immediately.

glad to know that this means i'm healthy.

my husband, on the other hand, can drink and drink before feeling the effects.

[Anonymous]

We had a good laugh about you people who think drinking a glass of wine while supervising children is a crisis. I was at a kids birthday party today, plenty of kids who were just in peril clearly because there were a few people having wine and beer. I declined because I wasn't in the mood and had bought a soda, but really, people. Honestly, a glass of wine, people. In my social circle, the OP's experience is totally normal. We all get along and get to know each other and each other's kids. It's such a relief that I know my kids' friends and their parents so well. I feel bad that the OP is so ?busy? narrow-minded? whatever that she can't be bothered to have a glass of wine or water or soda or whatever with her kid's friend's parent. People seriously need to loosen up.

Signed, a person who will occasionally have a drink or 2 and occasionally pass it up, because I have a, you know, completely normal relationship with alcohol. I know y'all don't live in my neighborhood because we're not all worked up where I live. Have fun in the 'burbs, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a good laugh about you people who think drinking a glass of wine while supervising children is a crisis. I was at a kids birthday party today, plenty of kids who were just in peril clearly because there were a few people having wine and beer. I declined because I wasn't in the mood and had bought a soda, but really, people. Honestly, a glass of wine, people. In my social circle, the OP's experience is totally normal. We all get along and get to know each other and each other's kids. It's such a relief that I know my kids' friends and their parents so well. I feel bad that the OP is so ?busy? narrow-minded? whatever that she can't be bothered to have a glass of wine or water or soda or whatever with her kid's friend's parent. People seriously need to loosen up.

Signed, a person who will occasionally have a drink or 2 and occasionally pass it up, because I have a, you know, completely normal relationship with alcohol. I know y'all don't live in my neighborhood because we're not all worked up where I live. Have fun in the 'burbs, people.

yes, it must be an urban/suburban thing you nimrod