First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This grandmother thought it was ok to drink when babysitting. The daughter thought otherwise. This was the final straw that precipitated the intervention. I bet the grandmother said "I just had one drinky.. what's wrong with that?"

Wow. My husband and I just had 2 glasses of wine with dinner tonight.

We have two kids, ages 6 and 10. Are we somehow negligent?

The 10 year old is in the bath as I speak (type).

My husband is watching football on TV and explaining the game to the 6 year old.

What am I missing... how are we not able to care for our children? I can even type with no (major) mistakes....

If you have a tolerance and frequently drink a bottle of wine at dinner, then you are probably fine. Others may not be. Or may not stop at the mythic "2". Or may have huge glasses. So many variables is part of the problem.

Question though - why do you feel the need to drink that much on a Sunday night when having dinner with your kids? What would have been so much less enjoyable if you had had seltzer? I may have a glass or 2 on a Friday or Saturday, typically when out with DH, but don't feel as sharp the next day if it is a work day so don't usually drink more than a few sips on a "school" night. Also feel a bit more "removed" and less tuned in if I drink when with my kids. Everyone is different, maybe I'm older. I think your defensiveness and that of folks who regularly drink on the parenting clock is the feeling that is driving this thread. Do the same folks drink at workday lunches or is that somehow different?

[Anonymous]

So, OP, why did you leave your daughter there if you were so concerned?

[Anonymous]

I think we should start wearing colored bandanas, like the gangs do, to indicate what we're okay with as parents and then we can just gravitate to the appropriate group.

I'll don a red and white bandana - red to indicate I enjoy an occasional glass of wine and white to indicate I'm a breastfeeder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This grandmother thought it was ok to drink when babysitting. The daughter thought otherwise. This was the final straw that precipitated the intervention. I bet the grandmother said "I just had one drinky.. what's wrong with that?"

Wow. My husband and I just had 2 glasses of wine with dinner tonight.

We have two kids, ages 6 and 10. Are we somehow negligent?

The 10 year old is in the bath as I speak (type).

My husband is watching football on TV and explaining the game to the 6 year old.

What am I missing... how are we not able to care for our children? I can even type with no (major) mistakes....

If you have a tolerance and frequently drink a bottle of wine at dinner, then you are probably fine. Others may not be. Or may not stop at the mythic "2". Or may have huge glasses. So many variables is part of the problem.

Question though - why do you feel the need to drink that much on a Sunday night when having dinner with your kids? What would have been so much less enjoyable if you had had seltzer? I may have a glass or 2 on a Friday or Saturday, typically when out with DH, but don't feel as sharp the next day if it is a work day so don't usually drink more than a few sips on a "school" night. Also feel a bit more "removed" and less tuned in if I drink when with my kids. Everyone is different, maybe I'm older. I think your defensiveness and that of folks who regularly drink on the parenting clock is the feeling that is driving this thread. Do the same folks drink at workday lunches or is that somehow different?

This is an excellent post! Thanks for sharing it with this group!

[Anonymous]

I rather like the bandana post!! I agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, why did you leave your daughter there if you were so concerned?

Because she knew all the other mothers would laugh behind her back at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's fine to have a little wine when you have other children spend the night, can you agree on what's enough? You really don't know how one glass or two might affect someone, for any number of reasons. Do you also think it's okay for someone to smoke a little marijuana? Not enough to get high, you understand, just enough to relax for the evening?

If I didn't trust the people I was leaving my child with to make those kinds of common sense determinations for themselves then I wouldn't leave my child there. (No to the pot.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's fine to have a little wine when you have other children spend the night, can you agree on what's enough? You really don't know how one glass or two might affect someone, for any number of reasons. Do you also think it's okay for someone to smoke a little marijuana? Not enough to get high, you understand, just enough to relax for the evening?

If I didn't trust the people I was leaving my child with to make those kinds of common sense determinations for themselves then I wouldn't leave my child there. (No to the pot.)

This!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's fine to have a little wine when you have other children spend the night, can you agree on what's enough? You really don't know how one glass or two might affect someone, for any number of reasons. Do you also think it's okay for someone to smoke a little marijuana? Not enough to get high, you understand, just enough to relax for the evening?

If I didn't trust the people I was leaving my child with to make those kinds of common sense determinations for themselves then I wouldn't leave my child there. (No to the pot.)

This!!!

Ever had a friend who was an alcoholic and you didn't know it? It can happen . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, why did you leave your daughter there if you were so concerned?

Because she knew all the other mothers would laugh behind her back at her.

I think she didn't want to make a scene at her DD's friend's bday party.

[Anonymous]

May I just point out that you are only aware that the host(s) of this sleepover would be having a glass or two of wine that night because THEY OFFERED YOU SOME. If they had NOT offered you some, if they had not offered ANYONE ELSE some, you would have had NO IDEA that they had a glass or two or twenty after you left. If this host had been drinking a diet coke when you and the other mothers arrived, and then added some rum to that diet coke after you left, you would be none the wiser. So, really, all of this hand-wringing is bullshit. You obviously do not know this host mother well enough to know one way or another how responsible she is, so you should not be leaving your kid there. I routinely hang with girlfriends and their kids, and/or husbands, and have a few glasses of wine. I KNOW them well-enough that if my kid were sleeping over they would NOT be intoxicated...because I know them. Period. I would NEVER leave my kid with someone I didn't know well enough to know how they would behave in supervising in my absence. This is on you, mom.

Also, to all the paranoid Maude Flanders-ish ladies--there are far greater things to fear in this world than a glass of Pinot Noir.

[Anonymous]

People are really defensive about their drinking. First subtle sign of alcoholism!! Really, don't drink when other peoples kids are there. OK to have the proverbial one 6oz. glass if it is just your kids around. When no kids are around---party on--MD20/20 for me!

[Anonymous]

For all the debate about drinking, I think people are really missing the forest for the trees here -- the OP was willing to leave her kid with someone who may have been getting sh*t faced drunk - she just didn't know whether it was the type of person to have one drink or nine.

She has no idea. If she was at all remotely uncomfortable with that and/or didn't know enough about the family to that end to know that she wouldn't have been in this situation to start with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are really defensive about their drinking. First subtle sign of alcoholism!! Really, don't drink when other peoples kids are there. OK to have the proverbial one 6oz. glass if it is just your kids around. When no kids are around---party on--MD20/20 for me!

According to many on this listserve even having one drink probably makes you an alcoholic.

In my culture alcohol is an accepted and regular part of life. I would not occur to me not to have a glass or wine or a beer with my evening meal just because another kid was over for a sleep-over. Of course we wouldn't get drunk under such circumstances.

I suggest that those people for whom a drink while children are present in the house is unacceptable make their desires known clearly in advance so we can uninvite their children from any parties in the future.
I suspect that your are in a minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the debate about drinking, I think people are really missing the forest for the trees here -- the OP was willing to leave her kid with someone who may have been getting sh*t faced drunk - she just didn't know whether it was the type of person to have one drink or nine.

She has no idea. If she was at all remotely uncomfortable with that and/or didn't know enough about the family to that end to know that she wouldn't have been in this situation to start with.

I have been in the anti-drinking camp here but I agree with this. If the mom was super concerned, she should not have left her kid.