Reply to What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving. [/quote] what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.  [/quote]

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.[/quote]

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

[b]And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities?[/b] Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.[/quote]

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.[/quote]

And most people genuinely can't afford any of that and the couple is just getting by and sex is the thing that falls by the wayside. The people in this thread saying that totally unacceptable are not getting that expecting sex to take precedence over everything else, especially during life changes that impact libido, how physically pleasurable sex is, and overall energy, is just selfish. To everything there is a season, and menopause/kids in MS, HS, heading to college/peak earning years are not the sex season. [/quote]

Literally no one is saying that.

The fact that that’s all you’re hearing is revealing.[/quote]

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