what is the worst thing someone has said to you, on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:About 14 years ago I was nannying for 2 babies. I got let go after 3 weeks and I posted on here because I didn’t think the reason was a good one and wanted perspective. I got slammed by everyone.
(the 12week old was sleeping on his stomach, I was with him the whole time watching him, sent a pic to parents because it was cute, they said never put baby on stomach and I was let go. I do know that it’s not safe, but 2 babies was a lot, and I felt it was ok at the time because I stayed watching him)

It was a dumb decision on your part. Why would you even do that?

How is dumb if she was literally watching him? Explain what exactly you think could have happened.

I'll answer. Nobody actually thinks a nanny is staring at a sleeping baby for the duration of a nap.

Explain exactly what you think could have happened.

Are you dense? Do you think "back to sleep" was just a fun slogan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 14 years ago I was nannying for 2 babies. I got let go after 3 weeks and I posted on here because I didn’t think the reason was a good one and wanted perspective. I got slammed by everyone.
(the 12week old was sleeping on his stomach, I was with him the whole time watching him, sent a pic to parents because it was cute, they said never put baby on stomach and I was let go. I do know that it’s not safe, but 2 babies was a lot, and I felt it was ok at the time because I stayed watching him)

It was a dumb decision on your part. Why would you even do that?

How is dumb if she was literally watching him? Explain what exactly you think could have happened.

I think the other baby might have cried, and she might have walked away to deal with it, and then the first baby would be sleeping in an unsafe situation.

[Anonymous]

I posted that I was upset about a friend that didn't reply to my text and was called a narcissist. I have very low self-esteem and later got therapy, which helped immensely.

While I don't believe I'm a narcissist, I definitely realized that I'm self-absorbed and have delusions of grandeur (I'm a striver from a low class background). So the DCUM comment was helpful in that respect.

[Anonymous]

A few years ago when there was a murder in Herndon, I said something was off with the DH and said the Christmas card with only the kid in it was a “tell” of an unhappy marriage. I got blasted- I was projecting, I was an idiot, etc.

He’s in jail and being tried for double murder. He was having an affair with the au pair and killed his wife and a stranger (who he lured to the home) while the kid was in the basement.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:About 14 years ago I was nannying for 2 babies. I got let go after 3 weeks and I posted on here because I didn’t think the reason was a good one and wanted perspective. I got slammed by everyone.
(the 12week old was sleeping on his stomach, I was with him the whole time watching him, sent a pic to parents because it was cute, they said never put baby on stomach and I was let go. I do know that it’s not safe, but 2 babies was a lot, and I felt it was ok at the time because I stayed watching him)

Ohhh, they are very brutal in the Nanny Forums.

So sorry.

I mean, I would also have fired a new nanny that thought it was a good idea to put my baby to sleep on his stomach and send me a picture of it.

Yes!

You would actually FIRE an otherwise good Nanny just because she put your child to sleep on his or her stomach??

This is outrageous! 😤
Unless you specifically instructed her not to do this -> this is not a fireable offense!!

You sound like a mentally unstable helicopter parent who would be much better off staying home w/your child vs. leaving them in the care of a nanny.

* I mean this with one-hundred percent respect by the way.

DP. I would 100% fire a nanny that put the baby to sleep on its stomach. This is basic childcare knowledge.

This is not a reason to fire a nanny on the spot.
A lot of parents put their babies in their crib/bassinet on their stomachs ….. it isn’t basic childcare knowledge.

I put all four of my babies to sleep on their stomachs and they have all been healthy, thriving kids -> adults.

I would fire a nanny who abused or neglected my child.
I.e., left him alone in the bathtub, fell asleep while child was unsupervised or drove them inside a car w/out a car seat, etc.

But not for putting my infant down on his stomach! ??

A nanny isn’t supposed to be clueless about safe sleep practices and basic childcare knowledge. You’re feeling defensive because you were.

DP.

I also put my baby to sleep on his stomach, despite knowing that it’s not considered safe. You know why? It’s the only way he (and by extension, we) would actually f—king sleep.

You know what is statistically more likely to cause child death than sleeping on the stomach? That’s right, car crashes! You know what can contribute to the likelihood of that happening? Right again, chronically sleep deprived parents!

+1

I also did this when my children were young babies so that they would actually sleep.
And my children have not had any long-term issues arising from me doing so.

And I would never fire my nanny over something like this.
If I didn’t want my nanny putting my baby to sleep on their stomach then it would be entirely up to me to let her know this prior.
And no, it is not basic childcare knowledge to not do so.

Basic childcare knowledge is not feeding a young child a jawbreaker or allowing them to swim in a pool unsupervised.

If you never heard the "back to sleep" campaign you have been under a rock. How old are your "kids" exactly if you didn't know this?

DP. I had heard of it, but I decided to trust my own judgment and take a calculated (and extremely minuscule) risk in the interest of actually getting some GD sleep.

Unless someone has been in this position (exhausted post partum w/a newborn baby who has difficulty sleeping….to say the very least!) then they have no right to judge what another parent deems safe + appropriate when caring for their OWN child.
This IS also a parenting forum overall so parenting topics are often discussed.

While I agree that firing a nanny over putting a baby to sleep on his or her stomach to sleep is quite an overreach, Nannie’s seem to get fired on a myriad of reasons.
I have heard of Nannie’s getting let go due to showing up for work with fake or polished fingernails and for not getting the dishwasher emptied fully prior to the parents coming home.
Parents fire their Nannie’s over the most stupid things so it shouldn’t surprise me that a nanny should lose her job over a picture sent to a parent of their child asleep on their stomach!

[Anonymous]

^^ Yes people tend to fire their nannies over the stupidest reasons so firing someone who put a baby in their crib lying on their stomach would not surprise me one bit.

[Anonymous]

I am a new mother and just put my infant on his stomach in his bassinet.

Too bad that Mothers cannot be fired!
No really firing a nanny over sending a photo of my child on his stomach is actually the dumbest thing I have ever read on this blog.
Just my 2cents

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve been insulted a bunch. “Insufferable” is one that stands out recently, but it was based on an assumption about me that in fact couldn’t be further from the truth.

I figure, they’re not actually insulting me, they’re insulting a character they dreamed up in their head and projected onto something small I said.

Or they are a dopamine addict who needs a tiny hit, or a paid troll here explicitly to cause fracture in our society, because there’s a lot of that here, too. Whatever the case, insults have become predictable enough that they start to become invisible. Usually when they are directed at me I am able to look right past them.

I guarantee there are no paid trolls here calling you insufferable.

If you are often insulted on DCUM in response to comments you have made, that's worth some self-reflection.

Nope. If someone calls you out in a way that bothers you a weird amount, THAT is worth self-reflection (as they've likely struck a nerve). But simply getting insulted a lot on here? That is just a function of posting here. I've seen people get attacked on these boards for literally every reason under the sun. People get attacked for being immigrants and attacked for being American. For being working moms or being SAHMs, for being interested in things and for lacking curiosity. People will insult you on here for existing, for breathing. Being insulted on DCUM is just part of being on DCUM, for better or worse.

I can't even think of the "worst thing" someone has said to me on here because after awhile all the angry, insulting posters kind of blur together and you don't really even see their posts. I am actually far more likely to be bothered by a post insulting someone else, which can trigger protective instincts. But someone insulting me? Eh, whatever, I do not take it seriously at all anymore.

It happens so often that the insulting posts blur together? Yeah, that's definitely the fault of everyone else, and you bear no responsibility at all.

Did you ever see Rounders? The opening line is (paraphrasing) , "If you sit down at a [poker] table and can't spot the sucker in 30 minutes, you ARE the sucker."

But, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Eh, I believe PP.

I’ve seen people on here insulted for truly benign things. It’s as if some posters are just itching to insult, like their insides are filled with free-floating insults desperately searching for an outlet. It’s really weird sometimes.

I see those people too and I think they are possibly quite meek in real life, the under-dogs who get treated badly by someone on a regular basis, this place is like free Gestalt therapy for them, they can punch the pillow and shout "I hate you Daddy" metaphorically when they call someone whatever insult they are throwing around that day.

I love the vision of DCUM as Gestalt therapy! So spot-on.

I am going to picture this pillow punching every time I see a mean post from now on and giggle to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a new mother and just put my infant on his stomach in his bassinet.

Too bad that Mothers cannot be fired!
No really firing a nanny over sending a photo of my child on his stomach is actually the dumbest thing I have ever read on this blog.
Just my 2cents

It was a photo of the baby sleeping on his stomach, which back then was a definite no no. Sure, as the parent if you wanted to disregard the medical experts advice on that (and yes as someone who had newborns in that era we were told constantly no sleeping on their stomach), that is on you. But if I hired a nanny to care for my baby in infancy and she was putting them to sleep on their stomach I would also have gotten rid of them. I took the advice of my pediatrician seriously as a first time new mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 14 years ago I was nannying for 2 babies. I got let go after 3 weeks and I posted on here because I didn’t think the reason was a good one and wanted perspective. I got slammed by everyone.
(the 12week old was sleeping on his stomach, I was with him the whole time watching him, sent a pic to parents because it was cute, they said never put baby on stomach and I was let go. I do know that it’s not safe, but 2 babies was a lot, and I felt it was ok at the time because I stayed watching him)

Ohhh, they are very brutal in the Nanny Forums.

So sorry.

I mean, I would also have fired a new nanny that thought it was a good idea to put my baby to sleep on his stomach and send me a picture of it.

Yes!

You would actually FIRE an otherwise good Nanny just because she put your child to sleep on his or her stomach??

This is outrageous! 😤
Unless you specifically instructed her not to do this -> this is not a fireable offense!!

You sound like a mentally unstable helicopter parent who would be much better off staying home w/your child vs. leaving them in the care of a nanny.

* I mean this with one-hundred percent respect by the way.

DP. I would 100% fire a nanny that put the baby to sleep on its stomach. This is basic childcare knowledge.

This is not a reason to fire a nanny on the spot.
A lot of parents put their babies in their crib/bassinet on their stomachs ….. it isn’t basic childcare knowledge.

I put all four of my babies to sleep on their stomachs and they have all been healthy, thriving kids -> adults.

I would fire a nanny who abused or neglected my child.
I.e., left him alone in the bathtub, fell asleep while child was unsupervised or drove them inside a car w/out a car seat, etc.

But not for putting my infant down on his stomach! ??

A nanny isn’t supposed to be clueless about safe sleep practices and basic childcare knowledge. You’re feeling defensive because you were.

DP.

I also put my baby to sleep on his stomach, despite knowing that it’s not considered safe. You know why? It’s the only way he (and by extension, we) would actually f—king sleep.

You know what is statistically more likely to cause child death than sleeping on the stomach? That’s right, car crashes! You know what can contribute to the likelihood of that happening? Right again, chronically sleep deprived parents!

+1

I also did this when my children were young babies so that they would actually sleep.
And my children have not had any long-term issues arising from me doing so.

And I would never fire my nanny over something like this.
If I didn’t want my nanny putting my baby to sleep on their stomach then it would be entirely up to me to let her know this prior.
And no, it is not basic childcare knowledge to not do so.

Basic childcare knowledge is not feeding a young child a jawbreaker or allowing them to swim in a pool unsupervised.

If you never heard the "back to sleep" campaign you have been under a rock. How old are your "kids" exactly if you didn't know this?

DP. I had heard of it, but I decided to trust my own judgment and take a calculated (and extremely minuscule) risk in the interest of actually getting some GD sleep.

Unless someone has been in this position (exhausted post partum w/a newborn baby who has difficulty sleeping….to say the very least!) then they have no right to judge what another parent deems safe + appropriate when caring for their OWN child.
This IS also a parenting forum overall so parenting topics are often discussed.

While I agree that firing a nanny over putting a baby to sleep on his or her stomach to sleep is quite an overreach, Nannie’s seem to get fired on a myriad of reasons.
I have heard of Nannie’s getting let go due to showing up for work with fake or polished fingernails and for not getting the dishwasher emptied fully prior to the parents coming home.
Parents fire their Nannie’s over the most stupid things so it shouldn’t surprise me that a nanny should lose her job over a picture sent to a parent of their child asleep on their stomach!

You can take your own risks with your baby but you really want a nanny who isn't supposed to be sleeping on the job or exhausted, to use unsafe practices? I guess any warm body will do when it comes to childcare for some.

[Anonymous]

A poster was looking for advice about her relationship and it resonated with me and reminded me a lot about how I felt when I met DH. I posted and also mentioned how happily married we are as it was relevant to how the OP was feeling. I was shocked by how many "just wait until he cheats on you" "I'm sure he's hiding something" " you're lying" type posts I got. It was like people couldn't believe anyone could be happily married. I wanted badly to defend DH, but he was right that it would do not good with people like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that H1Bs are necessary to enrich the owners of Microsoft and Google.

Well, they are necessary to enrich someone, if not personally Gates and Brin - otherwise, why would businesses bother? Why do you think H1Bs exist? Charity and/or social justice?