How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

I never said that. Strong SAT score, has a perfect GPA with highest rigor classes. He goes to a public HS, not private. He’s well known a a top student though they don’t give out class ranks.

We have never hired a tutor or a college counselor. Plenty of applicants have had advantages that he didn’t have.

If he brings it up again I will suggest he say “thanks I’m lucky” and change the subject like pp’s have said.

You are being weirdly defensive and I’m sure this is rubbing off on your kid. Acknowledge your good fortune and move on. It’s totally ok to be a legacy admit. Doesn’t mean you are not qualified

[Anonymous]

“Wow. Did you mean to say that out loud?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

Does no one in your family know how to deflect, acknowledge or change the subject? As alumni/accepted of a "top school" I would assume basic coping skills would be evident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College admission is not a meritocracy.

It doesn't pretend to be.

It is a "holistic review" which means colleges admit whatever and whomever they feel like.

Stop complaining about ED, athletes, legacy, FGLI, etc.

INSTEAD, Recognize its a rigged system and Figure out a way to leverage the completely unfair system to your kid's advantage.

I think this is all fine so long as we can all drop the pretense that this isn’t a rigged system. I do not see why people should not be honest and transparent about how rigged the system is.

OP wants people to lie to protect her and her child’s egos. It isn’t enough that she and her child benefit from a rigged system. She also wants people who do not benefit from the rigged system to pretend it isn’t rigged. You also seem to want that (demanding people don’t complain, which seems to be the same as demanding silence about how rigged the system is). That is a ridiculous demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A significant number (but not all) of the legacies admitted either were a) over-qualified (if there is such a thing at the top schools), or b) were equally qualified and it was a tie breaker. The ignorant posters who act like all or almost all legacies got in solely because they were legacies are idiots. Full stop. Not that complicated. When I meet a legacy, I assume they were meant to be there because more were than weren't. If in conversation they prove otherwise, then I assume otherwise.

The stupidity around here never ceases to amaze me.

Seems like you're the stupid one.

People aren't saying that the kid isn't qualified. People are saying that the double legacy gave them a boost, and without it, they may not have gotten in. Plenty of qualified students without legacy connections don't get in.

If you are a legacy, and double legacy at that, all things being equal, your chance of getting in is higher than one who doesn't have that legacy connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

"Ya, I'm sure that definitely helped a little bit. Not gonna lie, I feel pretty lucky."

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of IVY legacy matriculants as I've had recent grades at both a top DMV public and a top DC private and a current senior.

The legacies pretty much always meet that same academic standards as the non legacy Ivy admitted classmates: perfect grades (or close to them in the case of the top private), top scores.

What they don't have or need to have is that something extra that gets them picked. I.e. they get in with regular extracurriculars. Having attended an Ivy as a parent saves your kids from having to craft the resume of a 40 year old.

This description fits almost Ivy legacy admit I know this year. Totally academically qualified but saved from having to do bench science research, having 6 international awards and starting a non-profit that is featured on the national news.

[Anonymous]

I would say congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of IVY legacy matriculants as I've had recent grades at both a top DMV public and a top DC private and a current senior.

The legacies pretty much always meet that same academic standards as the non legacy Ivy admitted classmates: perfect grades (or close to them in the case of the top private), top scores.

What they don't have or need to have is that something extra that gets them picked. I.e. they get in with regular extracurriculars. Having attended an Ivy as a parent saves your kids from having to craft the resume of a 40 year old.

This description fits almost Ivy legacy admit I know this year. Totally academically qualified but saved from having to do bench science research, having 6 international awards and starting a non-profit that is featured on the national news.

This is true of most rejected applicants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t he be gracious and say something to acknowledge that legacy may have helped? He can shrug and say, “Yeah, I’m sure it helped, even if it’s not enough by itself without the other stuff like grades, etc.”

Congrats to your son, and please realize it’s spur grapes from students who aren’t lucky enough to have a non-merit-based small thumb on the scale. The system isn’t fair and that is what it is. Your son can be kind in this scenario and not take it personally.

Why should he be gracious here? They haven’t done anything that deserves grace.

I’d tell my kid to tell them to F off. That’s the response that comment deserves. Preferably while wearing the sweatshirt of the college that rejected them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t he be gracious and say something to acknowledge that legacy may have helped? He can shrug and say, “Yeah, I’m sure it helped, even if it’s not enough by itself without the other stuff like grades, etc.”

Congrats to your son, and please realize it’s spur grapes from students who aren’t lucky enough to have a non-merit-based small thumb on the scale. The system isn’t fair and that is what it is. Your son can be kind in this scenario and not take it personally.

Why should he be gracious here? They haven’t done anything that deserves grace.

I’d tell my kid to tell them to F off. That’s the response that comment deserves. Preferably while wearing the sweatshirt of the college that rejected them.

Do you always teach your kid to lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of IVY legacy matriculants as I've had recent grades at both a top DMV public and a top DC private and a current senior.

The legacies pretty much always meet that same academic standards as the non legacy Ivy admitted classmates: perfect grades (or close to them in the case of the top private), top scores.

What they don't have or need to have is that something extra that gets them picked. I.e. they get in with regular extracurriculars. Having attended an Ivy as a parent saves your kids from having to craft the resume of a 40 year old.

This description fits almost Ivy legacy admit I know this year. Totally academically qualified but saved from having to do bench science research, having 6 international awards and starting a non-profit that is featured on the national news.

Spot-on comment and exactly mirrors my experience. The legacies (and children of faculty) tend to have the grades and SAT scores but not the extra work that non-legacy admitted students have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t he be gracious and say something to acknowledge that legacy may have helped? He can shrug and say, “Yeah, I’m sure it helped, even if it’s not enough by itself without the other stuff like grades, etc.”

Congrats to your son, and please realize it’s spur grapes from students who aren’t lucky enough to have a non-merit-based small thumb on the scale. The system isn’t fair and that is what it is. Your son can be kind in this scenario and not take it personally.

Why should he be gracious here? They haven’t done anything that deserves grace.

I’d tell my kid to tell them to F off. That’s the response that comment deserves. Preferably while wearing the sweatshirt of the college that rejected them.

Do you always teach your kid to lie?

How is telling them to F off a lie?

Fine I would tell them to say “yes I got in because my parents were legacies. If your parents weren’t stupid they could have attended the school too and then you would have been a legacy. Sucks for you.”

You want these kids to wear a hairshirt because they had a legacy tip. You telling your kid to wear one because you’re well off?

[Anonymous]

In the world of insanely competitive admissions, it is only rational to choose to apply where one's parents attended if a kid wants to go to a really selective school and is otherwise qualified and loves the school. Our kid was just accepted ED at my alma mater (Williams/Amherst/Swarthmore) and is not an athlete but otherwise had the grades, scores, great EC's, etc. - but yes, these schools are near impossible admits. Why wouldn't they have chosen to apply to the one I attended for the legacy boost? We are ignoring the few smarmy legacy comments because who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are we protecting here? Sounds like it’s the kid who thought they had a competitive application but didn’t get admitted to an elite school. So, OP’s kid has to console them by suggesting that legacy tipped the scales for him? Wouldn’t that make the fragile kids even more resentful? I guess it’s a cope to “blame”the legacy parents. So stupid.

This. If they’re friends, call them on their BS. A friend would be happy for you and even if they made a snide remark because of jealousy, they would know it if you called them on it. Don’t apologize for success to this passive aggressive nonsense.