If you went to top schools but your kids are attending a lower tier, are you worried about downward mobility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

No one’s on your side here. You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

I am sorry, this is not normal. I say this with a child at an Ivy and a child at one you’d end your life over. I know they will both be okay, and I don’t feel disappointment.

I respect your view but for me, it’s not about normal. It’s about my values: if my child doesn’t aim for excellence, I can’t live with that. Without that drive, what’s left?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worry about downward mobility and college is NOT about the education but about the peer group.

This is the worry:
Kid that goes to Duke is going to be generally surrounded by financial-privileged, connected, worldly, and/or highly motivated students. Kid that goes to Radford is going to be generally surrounded by students that have a very narrow view of life, will stay in Virginia, are not worldly, will graduate with loans, have families that drag them down.

I am NOT saying that a Duke graduate can’t be a loafer, or a Radford graduate can’t be a successful CEO or doctor; I’m saying that the those of us with wealth but not generational wealth worry that our kid that goes to Radford will end of downward mobile because of peer group.

This is precisely the concern! I see it all the time in my field; even among very bright students, many are over-influenced by their surrounding peers and will push themselves harder when around motivated kids, and slack off when not. They need to be with the best of the best (if they really are smart enough; if not it will cause significant problems).

This makes me feel so sad for your children. (And the PP’s.) If I really tried hard to orchestrate my children’s peer groups and instill in them an expectation that only the “best of the best” are worthy friends or mates, it would undoubtedly cause a huge strain on our relationship, and likely on their mental health.

Judge if you want, but for those who grew up poor &/or had parents who immigrated here, and just started wealth with our generation, it is very important to cultivate the best in our kids (for their level of capability--for most that is not an ivy+ school or even a T50). I came from an elite and met the wife there, also poor but not an immigrant background. I know the benefit first hand and I understand the capabilities of my children. No need for your pity, mine are both at T15/ivy and doing well among many of the same driven type: at least our parenting style prepared them for it! No hand holding or helicoptering here.

[Anonymous]

^ for the record, I think my unhooked did well with ivy admissions because they don’t think like this so good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

Potential and greatness in your approved areas only clearly. Man I feel sorry for your kid.

[Anonymous]

You do know there are failures and miserable people at the ivies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

Potential and greatness in your approved areas only clearly. Man I feel sorry for your kid.

I’m not asking for your approval, just for my child to live up to their potential. If they don’t, what’s the point of continuing? MAiD is a choice, and I would take it rather than watch them waste away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

Potential and greatness in your approved areas only clearly. Man I feel sorry for your kid.

I can’t wait til her kid tries an improv class and decides to become a comedy writer.

[Anonymous]

My child in an Ivy I didn't worry about living up to their potential, they were intrinsically motivated from an early age beyond what I could have possible imagined for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worry about downward mobility and college is NOT about the education but about the peer group.

This is the worry:
Kid that goes to Duke is going to be generally surrounded by financial-privileged, connected, worldly, and/or highly motivated students. Kid that goes to Radford is going to be generally surrounded by students that have a very narrow view of life, will stay in Virginia, are not worldly, will graduate with loans, have families that drag them down.

I am NOT saying that a Duke graduate can’t be a loafer, or a Radford graduate can’t be a successful CEO or doctor; I’m saying that the those of us with wealth but not generational wealth worry that our kid that goes to Radford will end of downward mobile because of peer group.

After college, some of these peers will not remain friends, lose touch, move, etc. It’s easier now with social media, but college doesn’t guarantee lifelong friendships.

Alum groups and networks are strong, so that helps, plus once the elite kid is in the doctor/lawyer/professor job they automatically are in a different peer group forever.
However, Clemson is no where near Radford, so OP is worrying unnecessarily.

This! Clemson is excellent! I know two kids there who chose it over UNC OOS and UVA OOS and they are thriving. They picked it because they knew the honors college would allow them to shine, whereas based on stats they knew they wanted to be at a school that would make it highly likely they were easily top 10% for med school gpa, plus they each got merit $/non-need discounts. So far they have 3.9+ so it is working. There is no significant risk of "downward mobility" at Clemson, it is not a directional-state/commuter school.

[Anonymous]

Pardon my typos, this poster has me stunned and that isn’t easy to do on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

Potential and greatness in your approved areas only clearly. Man I feel sorry for your kid.

I can’t wait til her kid tries an improv class and decides to become a comedy writer.

At least they’ll have a lot of material from their childhood to draw from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I believe in giving my child every opportunity to succeed. If they chose a path that didn’t lead to a university at least on par with George Washington University, I would seriously consider medically assisted death, because without that chance, life would lose its meaning for both of us.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I understand why you’d think that, but it’s not sarcasm. As a mother, I feel deeply responsible for my child’s future, and if they chose not to pursue a top-tier education, it would feel like losing everything. It’s extreme, but the weight of that disappointment could be overwhelming.

Fair enough, your kid’s going to need a high paying job to pay for therapy.

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the money or therapy, it’s about providing the best for my child and making sure they don’t settle for anything less than their potential. If you can’t understand that drive, maybe it’s you who needs to rethink what’s really important in life.

Would it be okay if they used their max potential and chose to become an incredible teacher that impacted thousands of children in profound ways, lived in a humble home they loved and were very happy and content? Or pick any other career that adds to humanity.

What’s really important in life as you said is not that, it’s health, financial security to live decently, and hopefully a lot of love and laughs with the people around you.

To me, it’s about being great not just being content. If my child’s potential is wasted, I can’t accept it. I believe in pushing and that’s what would matter most to me. If they’re not doing that, what’s the point

Potential and greatness in your approved areas only clearly. Man I feel sorry for your kid.

I can’t wait til her kid tries an improv class and decides to become a comedy writer.

At least they’ll have a lot of material from their childhood to draw from.

lol. Is this a rare moment where even dcum in all its inanity agrees this is gross and she’s gone too far?!