What is it with people given childless couples unsolicited fertility advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ten pages of mostly advice to a person who made it clear that she's not looking for advice.

Then why is she here? If she is looking for validation she is in the wrong place.

She asked why people give unsolicited advice. In true DCUM fashion she got a bunch of advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

She doesn't sound oversensitive. She explained her situation pretty well, incliding that she's aware of the risks, and asked why people give unsolicited advice. You guys proceed to criticize her income, which is actually the norm outside the DCUM bubble, accuse her of not understanding fertility which she does, and instead of answering her question start giving her advice on having kids. I'm a mom and I would be defensive too if I were in her shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

[Anonymous]

Couples who wait to have children are weighting the pros and the cons of waiting and are aware they might end up childless. It's a known risk and all of us take risks when we make decisions. Just because you were too dumb to understand how fertility works and had to flush dozens of thousands of dollars on failed IVF, doesn't mean the everyone who waits or decides to forego children is as dumb as the average poster in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

[Anonymous]

Why do my friends care about my life?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do my friends care about my life?!?!

They were not "friends", they were acquaintances. Do you read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

"Hi Jane. How are you doing? You just turned 35? You gotta have children soon because your fertility is waning?"

That's how it sounds based on what OP said. They're not badgering her, but they go straight to the fertility talk. Would you appreciate it if someone you barely knew started giving you sex advice or weight lose advice? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

"Hi Jane. How are you doing? You just turned 35? You gotta have children soon because your fertility is waning?"

That's how it sounds based on what OP said. They're not badgering her, but they go straight to the fertility talk. Would you appreciate it if someone you barely knew started giving you sex advice or weight lose advice? Probably not.

DP. This is not happening. Do you interact with humans outside of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

"Hi Jane. How are you doing? You just turned 35? You gotta have children soon because your fertility is waning?"

That's how it sounds based on what OP said. They're not badgering her, but they go straight to the fertility talk. Would you appreciate it if someone you barely knew started giving you sex advice or weight lose advice? Probably not.

DP. This is not happening. Do you interact with humans outside of DCUM?

Yes, i mentioned a few posts ago about a colleague and a manager telling me I should have kids. I've also witnessed friends told similar things by people they weren't close to. That kind of talk is very normalized in some cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

People give you advice because it seems you need it.

If you didnt want kids that would be one thing. But if youre in your mid 30s and want kids but are holding out because you think your income is too low then you are making a very poor decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

"Hi Jane. How are you doing? You just turned 35? You gotta have children soon because your fertility is waning?"

That's how it sounds based on what OP said. They're not badgering her, but they go straight to the fertility talk. Would you appreciate it if someone you barely knew started giving you sex advice or weight lose advice? Probably not.

If I told people I was trying to lose weight and they gave me basic batch 101 common sense advice like go to the gym, watch what you eat, cut your sugars, no, obviously, I would not get offended???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of the unsolicited advice that OP is not asking for. And what's more, SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS.

She knows how old she is. She knows what IVF costs. She knows about egg donation, surrogates, all of it. She knows that her husband can up and leave her and have kids with someone else. She has taken all of this knowledge, weighed it against her desire to have children, and decided on the risk that she's comfortable with.

You're all being extremely patronizing.

BS. I don't buy for a second that OP is "comfortable with" her decisions. She would not be so oversensitive about people's commentary if she were.

Obviously, otherwise this thread would not exist and she’d tell people she didn’t want kids!

But she tells people that's none of their business and leaves it at that. You guys don't seem you know how to read, or are simply making scenarios in your heads.

“I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.”

Based on the above nobody is badgering her. Different people are (very casually) making conversation with her over time. Everybody in the whole world is supposed to know she’s sensitive about this conversation, apparently. The world revolves around her.

"Hi Jane. How are you doing? You just turned 35? You gotta have children soon because your fertility is waning?"

That's how it sounds based on what OP said. They're not badgering her, but they go straight to the fertility talk. Would you appreciate it if someone you barely knew started giving you sex advice or weight lose advice? Probably not.

If I told people I was trying to lose weight and they gave me basic batch 101 common sense advice like go to the gym, watch what you eat, cut your sugars, no, obviously, I would not get offended???

Where does OP say thst she tells ppl she wants kids. She says they start with the comments when they learn she doesn't have kids. Read the first post please.