No-show at kids' bday party

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happened with one of our kids when young. Kid had a huge meltdown that went on for a few hours and we missed the party. I texted my regrets later in the day. So sorry we missed it.

I didn't explain why we weren't there to spare our own embarrassment; simply took the social hit. Never heard back from the mom hosting the party, but never expected to. She never spoke to me again. Sometimes, that's life.

Our kid is high-functioning.

You were rude. You should have texted before/at the time of the party and said "i'm sorry we can't come. George is not feeling well." You don't have to lie and say he's sick when he's actually having a huge meltdown. But having a huge meltdown=not feeling well. It's not a lie and is a lot more courteous and considerate than what you did. Your kid being high functioning is not an excuse for you to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

Obviously. What is your point, though? That we should all just accept that some people are rude and plan our lives around that? No thanks. I'll just not involve rude people in my life. If they no showed once, I wouldn't invite them back. It doesn't mean I have to change the type of party my kid wants to have to accommodate their rude friends' parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I would be annoyed if I had plans to catch up over coffee and a friend no-showed.

Of course it’s normal to be annoyed the other family no-showed for your kid’s party. Her attitude afterwards was especially crass. It’s definitely noted.

I wouldn’t. Not if I invited 8 people.

I host a book club every month, which is essentially meeting up with 8 people for coffee, and it pretty regularly happens that someone says they can be there and they end up not being able to make it. Someone might ask where they are, but no one is angry about it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Look, I would be annoyed if I had plans to catch up over coffee and a friend no-showed.

Of course it’s normal to be annoyed the other family no-showed for your kid’s party. Her attitude afterwards was especially crass. It’s definitely noted.

I wouldn’t. Not if I invited 8 people.

I host a book club every month, which is essentially meeting up with 8 people for coffee, and it pretty regularly happens that someone says they can be there and they end up not being able to make it. Someone might ask where they are, but no one is angry about it.

Um

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

I would not assume there was another kid waiting in the wings to take my kid’s spot at laser tag or whatever.
Who does this?

Sheesh, I absolutely would. It's called basic courtesy.

You would call around and see if a kid not previously invited would want to come at the last minute?

Now that’s rude and insensitive.

Yeah. I can see getting upset if you were waiting on this kid to show up, but I think the plan of finding a replacement party attendee seems kind of insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

Obviously. What is your point, though? That we should all just accept that some people are rude and plan our lives around that? No thanks. I'll just not involve rude people in my life. If they no showed once, I wouldn't invite them back. It doesn't mean I have to change the type of party my kid wants to have to accommodate their rude friends' parents.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. The other posters saying you should change the type of party to accommodate the rude people just don't make sense to me. I'm sure the parents don't care anyway (I mean, they've made that clear in their behavior), so it's a win-win. I don't need to deal with the rude people and they don't have to even give me another thought either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I would be annoyed if I had plans to catch up over coffee and a friend no-showed.

Of course it’s normal to be annoyed the other family no-showed for your kid’s party. Her attitude afterwards was especially crass. It’s definitely noted.

I wouldn’t. Not if I invited 8 people.

I host a book club every month, which is essentially meeting up with 8 people for coffee, and it pretty regularly happens that someone says they can be there and they end up not being able to make it. Someone might ask where they are, but no one is angry about it.

If you paid for their book and their coffee and their dessert because you were expecting them to show up, then you might be a little annoyed (at the very least).

It's different if OP was simply organizing an event where each kid paid for himself, or a movie event where each parent bought their kid's own ticket. Who cares if people cancel. OP paid for this kid to attend and the parent blew it off. That's rude, no matter how you spin it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

Or take a few seconds out of a 24 hour day and give the host a heads up you’re not coming. People around you will start being happier with you if you showed some consideration for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I would be annoyed if I had plans to catch up over coffee and a friend no-showed.

Of course it’s normal to be annoyed the other family no-showed for your kid’s party. Her attitude afterwards was especially crass. It’s definitely noted.

I wouldn’t. Not if I invited 8 people.

I host a book club every month, which is essentially meeting up with 8 people for coffee, and it pretty regularly happens that someone says they can be there and they end up not being able to make it. Someone might ask where they are, but no one is angry about it.

If you paid for their book and their coffee and their dessert because you were expecting them to show up, then you might be a little annoyed (at the very least).

It's different if OP was simply organizing an event where each kid paid for himself, or a movie event where each parent bought their kid's own ticket. Who cares if people cancel. OP paid for this kid to attend and the parent blew it off. That's rude, no matter how you spin it.

I have bought the books for the following month before, and it doesn’t annoy me if someone took one and then doesn’t attend the meeting. I believe that they thought they could at the time, and things came up.

But even if I was annoyed, I wouldn’t be less annoyed if they texted me that morning saying that they couldn’t make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

Obviously. What is your point, though? That we should all just accept that some people are rude and plan our lives around that? No thanks. I'll just not involve rude people in my life. If they no showed once, I wouldn't invite them back. It doesn't mean I have to change the type of party my kid wants to have to accommodate their rude friends' parents.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. The other posters saying you should change the type of party to accommodate the rude people just don't make sense to me. I'm sure the parents don't care anyway (I mean, they've made that clear in their behavior), so it's a win-win. I don't need to deal with the rude people and they don't have to even give me another thought either.

Ha! I do think this is exactly what happens!
That’s why some people are like, “eh, that’s life.” And other people are like, “I have NEVER seen this happen!”

I think people tend to associate with people who think the way that they do. All of the flaky people hang out together and let things slide. All of the rigid people hang out together and adhere to the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

Or take a few seconds out of a 24 hour day and give the host a heads up you’re not coming. People around you will start being happier with you if you showed some consideration for them.

How would the mom calling a couple of hours before the party honestly have helped the OP?
Are you really telling me that she would call the uninvited kids from the class or the neighborhood and find someone who wanted to take this kids place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

Nah. I'm a happier person when I don't have to deal with rude and inconsiderate people. That's just a fact. Luckily, this has only happened to me once or twice. If someone repeatedly was invited to a venue party and didn't show, then I'd just give that person some space. If that person doesn't care about my feelings, I certainly am not going to waste time caring about theirs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had to miss last minute twice. Once for illness that showed up later in the day. The invite had the parents phone number. We texted and let them know. Another time it was a giant melt down about 30 minutes before hand. The phone number was not on the invite, would have had to look it up on the school directory. Meant to do it later, and never got to it. Do I wish we had been able to make it and if not been able to let them know promptly. Yeah. But I have grace for no shows. It's fine. It's also not like someone can invite another kid day of. "Larla wasn't going to invite you, but someone can't make it. Can you be here in 30 minutes. Please bring a big gift because I booked an expensive venue." Communicate promptly when you can. Show grace when people don't. Life with kids is an adventure.

This is what I wonder. With paper invites, not everyone keeps the invite once they RSVP and put the event on the calendar. Unless they RSVPed by email (in which case they could easily pull up the contact info). Then they’re rude and inconsiderate. Some people are flakey and it stinks. I’d check in and see if the family were ok.