Think twice before hiring an advocate…

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a SN kid on the spectrum and I never met teachers or principals or whatever who didn't support the needs of our kid. But I met a lot of parents who just handed over their child fom day one to a nanny or to daycare and never lift a finger to educate their kid themselfes. They expect the school to handle everything for them and solve all the behavioral issues of their kid but refuse to make their own homework.


Or, those of us who never handed off anything to the schools. Some of us quit our jobs to take our kids to many hours of therapy, tutoring on top of what we did at home. I pulled my kid out early many days until we got a later spot. We did daily therapies, on top of supplementing academics because they dumped my kid in a class with mostly iep kids and they dumbed down the academics thinking our kids were not smart and capable and did what was best for them. We had to drop the iep to get out of the classroom. Sadly mine did better after removing the iep and bad classroom. My kid was bullied every day by another kid. They were touched, kicked and full body squeezes that the teachers blew off as hugs. The hugs were not wanted and because of my child’s needs they could not advocate for themselves or say no.

You have no idea the sacrifices some of us make. Go to any speech or ot office after school and see it packed with parents doing the best they can for their kids. That’s where you found me every afternoon.

So, when you rant about working at least you got to work. I could not work being a full time taxi driver because people like you failed to give my kid what they needed and I was going to do what ever it took to get my child caught up and ok by high school. You have no idea what it’s like to parent a kid with special needs and what sone of us do for our kids.

And despite people like you who said my kid would never catch up, well, they did and are doing great despite the lack of school support. So, keep complaining vs helping. You clearly have the time if you can post here.


This really resonates with me. My DS2 is in high school, is taking the AP classes that are team taught (not an offering when my DS1 was in HS) and will graduate with a standard diploma. In ES, I can't tell you the battles I had with FCPS whose position was that my DS was not capable of grade level work despite ALL evaluations over the years showing he was of at least average intelligence. He has absolutely no intellecutal disabilities. The reason he wasn't able to do grade level work was because he did not have appropropriate support. Once I filed the state complaint, FCPS came back to the table and agreed with what we had asked for. The turn around in his performance, social and academic, was incredible once he had that support - and ALL his teachers noted the difference.

I also did what the PP did except I had to continue working. I got off the career path and took a job because it and my boss allowed me a more flexible work schedule. My DH also took a lower paying job for the same reasons. Between us, we were able to get kids to appointments and by cutting expenses to the bare bones were able to pay the bills. No vacations for us. I gave up the Washington Post, going to a hair stylist, packed lunch/coffee every single day and DH cut the kids' hair. We were so needy a neighbor kid (and her brother after her) fulfille their community service hours by coming to play with the kids so I could get some needed repairs at the house done - repairs that DH and I did ourselves! We couldn't afford to outsource anything because our funds were targeted for interventions because FCPS' efforts were so de minimis.

I know that not every parent can do what the PP and I have done. I don't judge them because I know that not everyone has the resources (time, money, energy, bandwidth, etc.) or capabilities that I have. I assume those parents are doing the best they can and just because their decisions are different than mine doesn't mean they are any better or worse than I am.


We did all those things too. The neighbor kid idea is brilliant. We never had a babysitter due to cost, always did DIY hair cuts, no vacations (cannot remember the last one we had its been so long), DIY our house except for a few things we couldn't do, etc. The therapies took priority over everything.

They just assumed my kid was dumb until their standardized tests showed something very different and the principal was screaming at me telling me that I didn't know my kid was smart. Of course I knew. We had multiple evaluations that showed it, gave it to them and they ignored it.

I think these teachers and school staff are so checked out they have no clue what some of us do do for our kids and the sacrifices we make. And, as soon as we could stop the therapies, we had to play catch up for savings, retirement and college.


PP here. ...what do we know...we're just the overly emotional parents. 🙄
Anonymous
I had an iep for the record books today. This was with outside testing and an advocate. We had multiple data points showing years below level but they just don’t see academic impact. I will say it forever, it’s disgusting how they treat kids with disabilities. People, make sure you have an advocate!
Anonymous
OP I've been following your thread. A few things stood out to me.

-We have used two different advocates and the resulting IEPs looked better, but not great and the services weren't forthcoming so our child didn't receive half the services they needed. I think the advocates were trying to preserve their long-term relationships with the schools, and to keep their requests gentle, so they could point to positive results. In the wealthier parts of MCPS, I think this experience is more common than what happened at the IEPs you describe.

-You lack professional detachment. Your comments are so personal - complaining that you were "painted like the enemy", etc. I think this is sometimes an occupational hazard of teaching.

-You seem to lack an understanding of how your school administration, MCPS, and the state and federal government each play a role in your situation.

I hope your school is able to hire replacements for the teachers who left. Best wishes to you.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a SN kid on the spectrum and I never met teachers or principals or whatever who didn't support the needs of our kid. But I met a lot of parents who just handed over their child fom day one to a nanny or to daycare and never lift a finger to educate their kid themselfes. They expect the school to handle everything for them and solve all the behavioral issues of their kid but refuse to make their own homework.


This is clearly a teacher troll

This is such privileged, offensive misogyny.

Many of us need to work to pay rent or a mortgage, to eat and to have access to health insurance! Furthermore, the pressure to work is even higher when your child's special needs means you know you are going to have to pay - 1) large health insurance copays and deductible for SN related treatments and therapies 2) expensive out of pocket neuropsych assessments because school assessments are not well done or the significance of the results is deliberately obfuscated and 3) many, many years worth of outside tutoring because school-based special instruction is a very limited number of hours with poor, non-evidence-based special instruction and 4) legal and educational advocate fees for those times when the school system makes an egregious mistake and refuses to correct it and even 5) to save money in trust for the life of your SN child if you are afraid that they will not live independently.

Not to mention, that the parent who takes time off work not only loses out on salary, but also benefits like life insurance, retirement contributions, disability insurance, social security and unemployment credits, access to long term care insurance, and other family support benefits.

I am so tired of people who blame working parents for their kids disabilities and mental health issues! The vast majority of people who end up as caretakers are women because they are seen as "nurturing", knowledgeable about their kids and they typically earn less than the father.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Which schools have team taught AP?(!!)


PP here. My preference is not to share as it would likely identify me and my DS.


Plus, everyone should be asking this question in private and in public and then expressing shock when the answer is no a school doesn't have team-taught AP!
Anonymous
Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.


Schools get additional funding for SN kids. For each SN child coded in a specific way (which is why they push specific diagnosis) they get more funding for sped teachers. So, yes, it's reasonable to expect support given they are using our kids for those additional resources.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.


Schools get additional funding for SN kids. For each SN child coded in a specific way (which is why they push specific diagnosis) they get more funding for sped teachers. So, yes, it's reasonable to expect support given they are using our kids for those additional resources.


And yet, teachers keep trying to patiently explain that it is not enough
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.

Right. And all we need to do to fix everything is make sure we come unrepresented to iep meetings.

Also it’s such a red herring to suggest that SN parents don’t care about NT kids when the majority of families I know have both SN and NT kids.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP I've been following your thread. A few things stood out to me.

-We have used two different advocates and the resulting IEPs looked better, but not great and the services weren't forthcoming so our child didn't receive half the services they needed. I think the advocates were trying to preserve their long-term relationships with the schools, and to keep their requests gentle, so they could point to positive results. In the wealthier parts of MCPS, I think this experience is more common than what happened at the IEPs you describe.

-You lack professional detachment. Your comments are so personal - complaining that you were "painted like the enemy", etc. I think this is sometimes an occupational hazard of teaching.

-You seem to lack an understanding of how your school administration, MCPS, and the state and federal government each play a role in your situation.

I hope your school is able to hire replacements for the teachers who left. Best wishes to you.



Also, teachers are not involved at the stage where the IEP is being written so I have no idea what OP is crying about.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's the 2e kids who ARE quite close to grade level but could be doing much more if they weren't managing to create their own supports. Also, they are probably struggling with a lot of issues that are non-academic.

I agree that the public school probably can't offer what is actually needed, and I feel for the teachers who are stuck in the middle. We ended up having to go private to get what we need - to a private SN school, even though our kid would have fallen into the category you describe with being almost at grade level.

On the other hand, of course, I agree you need to assume good intent. We went into our first IEP meeting with an advocate because our neuropsych basically told us we would need one, and I felt like she was way too antogonistic.


You actually found a private that supports 2e kids well? In the DC area?



DP. Commonwealth Academy in Alexandria for ADHD and giftedness
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.


Schools get additional funding for SN kids. For each SN child coded in a specific way (which is why they push specific diagnosis) they get more funding for sped teachers. So, yes, it's reasonable to expect support given they are using our kids for those additional resources.


And yet, teachers keep trying to patiently explain that it is not enough


Try explaining this to your state rep then.
Anonymous
Maryland especially is a solid blue state with a great tax base compared to the rest of the country. We have a former MCPS teacher, Eric Luedtke, high up in the state government. I really think parents organizing around increased Special Education funds and mandatory caseload caps and allocated IEP writing times for Special Education teachers is very politically doable.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's the 2e kids who ARE quite close to grade level but could be doing much more if they weren't managing to create their own supports. Also, they are probably struggling with a lot of issues that are non-academic.

I agree that the public school probably can't offer what is actually needed, and I feel for the teachers who are stuck in the middle. We ended up having to go private to get what we need - to a private SN school, even though our kid would have fallen into the category you describe with being almost at grade level.

On the other hand, of course, I agree you need to assume good intent. We went into our first IEP meeting with an advocate because our neuropsych basically told us we would need one, and I felt like she was way too antogonistic.


You actually found a private that supports 2e kids well? In the DC area?



DP. Commonwealth Academy in Alexandria for ADHD and giftedness


Interesting. When we looked at it a couple of years ago the academics didn’t seem that strong.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents are unrealistic about what public schools can provide. There are finite resources. Everyone is fighting for a bigger slice of pie for their child. Fair enough but something has to give. And neurotypical kids need resources + time and attention as well.


Schools get additional funding for SN kids. For each SN child coded in a specific way (which is why they push specific diagnosis) they get more funding for sped teachers. So, yes, it's reasonable to expect support given they are using our kids for those additional resources.


And yet, teachers keep trying to patiently explain that it is not enough


Try explaining this to your state rep then.


Are you explaining it to your state rep?
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