2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

Lmao. Manhattan sounds like the perfect place for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

What’s with the fixation on Manhattan and this “greatest city in the world,” rhetoric? I lived on the UES and really enjoy/enjoyed New York, but you sound like you have stars in your eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Washington State and some parts of Oregon. CA too expensive.

CA has too many natural disasters, too. One of my parents retired there and pays over 10k a year in fire and earthquake insurance and it isn't an extravagant house my parent lives in.

[Anonymous]

We're moving to Belize in October. Can't wait. The kids can't wait to visit and we will be back a few times a year for a few weeks each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

I'm looking forward to this post on DCUM in 20 years:

"My MIL keeps demanding that we visit them in NYC because it's the world's greatest city but she doesn't understand why we don't go more than once a year. I enjoy NYC, but they live in a cramped apartment, there's no room for all of us and the kids have to sleep on the floor and NYC is always dirty and gritty. It's awful in the summers where I'd rather be at the beach. And so expensive to do anything with the kids. We always feel obliged to take the in laws out to dinner and it cost a fortune for all of us to eat out. And then on top of it, it's not so easy taking a whole weekend to go to NYC because we have things to do on the weekend and we work during the week. She just refuses to understand that it'd be a lot easier for them to come stay with us in our suburban house where there's plenty of room and the kids' schedules aren't disrupted. Can anyone suggest how I can gently let her know it really isn't that pleasurable to go up to NYC?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

We have community here. But we can also find community somewhere more pleasant. If we don’t have to live in this sheethole then why would we stay? We will keep in touch with good friends. Just like we keep in touch with friends we met when we lived elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

Speaking of defensive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're moving to Belize in October. Can't wait. The kids can't wait to visit and we will be back a few times a year for a few weeks each time.

Oooh! Sounds amazing! Tell us more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

I'm looking forward to this post on DCUM in 20 years:

"My MIL keeps demanding that we visit them in NYC because it's the world's greatest city but she doesn't understand why we don't go more than once a year. I enjoy NYC, but they live in a cramped apartment, there's no room for all of us and the kids have to sleep on the floor and NYC is always dirty and gritty. It's awful in the summers where I'd rather be at the beach. And so expensive to do anything with the kids. We always feel obliged to take the in laws out to dinner and it cost a fortune for all of us to eat out. And then on top of it, it's not so easy taking a whole weekend to go to NYC because we have things to do on the weekend and we work during the week. She just refuses to understand that it'd be a lot easier for them to come stay with us in our suburban house where there's plenty of room and the kids' schedules aren't disrupted. Can anyone suggest how I can gently let her know it really isn't that pleasurable to go up to NYC?"

NYC-lover, for what it’s worth, there is likely a lot of truth here. I love parts of the city but, even with my fairly high income, know a well-maintained 3+ bedroom in desirable neighborhoods would require a lot of sacrifices. I’d imagine two retirees from federal government, even with good savings, would be looking at pretty tight quarters—have you taken a serious look at real estate there?

It might be fun for your kids to come up to stay in the extra bedroom when they’re younger, but be prepared for a less enthusiastic reception as they marry and have children.

[Anonymous]

We're thinking Portland ME/Portsmouth NH area. Love the nature, the weather (yes, we like cold) and the proximity to Boston for healthcare and big city stuff, including airport.

If anyone has other suggestions, I'm open. (I do love the Tahoe area of CA, but it's missing the hospitals and airport, plus a lot of natural disasters.....)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Sounds like an idea we might want to consider. Could you share where you live? Assuming it's a smaller footprint...how was the downsize to condo/apt life? And do you like downtown DC?

[Anonymous]

Think a bit long term. You don’t want to be too far from your kids. If you think they will remain in the area I would just go in the outer suburbs of DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

I'm looking forward to this post on DCUM in 20 years:

"My MIL keeps demanding that we visit them in NYC because it's the world's greatest city but she doesn't understand why we don't go more than once a year. I enjoy NYC, but they live in a cramped apartment, there's no room for all of us and the kids have to sleep on the floor and NYC is always dirty and gritty. It's awful in the summers where I'd rather be at the beach. And so expensive to do anything with the kids. We always feel obliged to take the in laws out to dinner and it cost a fortune for all of us to eat out. And then on top of it, it's not so easy taking a whole weekend to go to NYC because we have things to do on the weekend and we work during the week. She just refuses to understand that it'd be a lot easier for them to come stay with us in our suburban house where there's plenty of room and the kids' schedules aren't disrupted. Can anyone suggest how I can gently let her know it really isn't that pleasurable to go up to NYC?"

This made me laugh! My single-with-no-kids BIL lives in Brooklyn and complains regularly that we always host holidays at our suburban home here. We rarely go visit him for a lot of the reasons you listed; it's especially hard with small kids.

That said, my ILs live in a 3-bedroom apartment in Chicago and we love visiting them. They have enough space to host us, a parking space that they borrow from a friend for us in their building, and we can walk to the lakefront and museums and trains with our kids. So, if you have the money to afford all that in a big city, then go for it. Or, if you just really want to live in NYC for all the day-to-day benefits you would enjoy, then make that work for you and just don't be surprised when it's harder for your kids to visit.

[Anonymous]

The real trick is to have a couple of residences that you can bounce between during your retirement years. If you keep residency days below the statutory threshold, you can conceivably also eliminate any state taxes. When not staying in a home, you rent it out as a furnished unit.

Lets say you had a 1BR in NYC, house in Chevy Chase MD, and a home in San Diego CA. With enough documentation and staying below the 183 day/six month rule, you could conceivably pay no state income tax other than that related to rental income of the home in the jurisdiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are really something else.

You move to the DC area because you have a single focus in your life – your high-powered career. You spend your entire life here focused on that, and when you do decide it’s time to fit some kids in you make damned sure they follow your single-minded footsteps and go off to the best bumper-sticker worthy college they can get into and off they go and never return. Then, once your all consuming career is over and your high achieving kids are long gone, you look around and tell yourself there is no community here and that this area is too transient for you to stick around.

Some of us haven’t structured our lives the way you did. So we do have a community here, and we have every reason to stick around.

+1

I discovered community in the DMV and revised my career to have more time and life balance. We will stay put in the DMV partly so kids can return and visit with friends at school breaks. I can’t imagine them wanting to visit if we live in a town with zero people they know…

Yep. Admittedly, we moved here decades ago for a so-called “high powered job” for one of us but we had had our kids young (not just when we could “fit them in”) and already had a couple of pre-schoolers when we got here.

We put the kids in public instead of private school, encouraged state colleges, and stayed in the same suburban neighborhood for decades, all of which solidified our local ties.

When we moved as empty nesters, it was just across the river into downtown DC. All of our kids and most of their friends (and friends’ parents) stayed in the area. It’s definitely home to many, many people.

I mean, if you’re gonna move here only for a job, have kids later in life, get a nanny, keep plugging away, then put the kids in private schools disconnected with the neighborhood where the graduate disperse themselves to colleges all over the country, how to you expect your family to put down roots here? When the career is over and the kids are gone, what’s left?

Many of my friends and family are friends with people from all over the US and the world - they prefer to not have a tiny bubble.

Such a typical elitist and defensive response. You can both live here and be settled here and have your family here and be “friends with people from all over the US and the world.” You just see the local folks more often. And the reality is, from a human nature standpoint, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is less of a real thing than “out of sight out of mind.”

I’d like to resettle my family somewhere besides DC once I stop working though. I live here, like a lot of people, because my pay and benefits are much more than somewhere like New York City, where someone with a bunch of Fed jobs on their CV could only afford a duplex in some far out place in Queens or Staten Island. After DCs are out of school and we have a bunch of money in our generous Fed funded retirement account we can afford to downsize to much nicer places in Manhattan.

Our friends will be more than happy to visit us a couple times a year in the greatest city in the world. There’s a big difference in moving away to rural Tennessee and moving to a nicer, close city like NYC if you’re concerned about seeing friends and family. We’ll be our kids’ and our friend’s Manhattan Airbnb.

I'm looking forward to this post on DCUM in 20 years:

"My MIL keeps demanding that we visit them in NYC because it's the world's greatest city but she doesn't understand why we don't go more than once a year. I enjoy NYC, but they live in a cramped apartment, there's no room for all of us and the kids have to sleep on the floor and NYC is always dirty and gritty. It's awful in the summers where I'd rather be at the beach. And so expensive to do anything with the kids. We always feel obliged to take the in laws out to dinner and it cost a fortune for all of us to eat out. And then on top of it, it's not so easy taking a whole weekend to go to NYC because we have things to do on the weekend and we work during the week. She just refuses to understand that it'd be a lot easier for them to come stay with us in our suburban house where there's plenty of room and the kids' schedules aren't disrupted. Can anyone suggest how I can gently let her know it really isn't that pleasurable to go up to NYC?"

NYC-lover, for what it’s worth, there is likely a lot of truth here. I love parts of the city but, even with my fairly high income, know a well-maintained 3+ bedroom in desirable neighborhoods would require a lot of sacrifices. I’d imagine two retirees from federal government, even with good savings, would be looking at pretty tight quarters—have you taken a serious look at real estate there?

It might be fun for your kids to come up to stay in the extra bedroom when they’re younger, but be prepared for a less enthusiastic reception as they marry and have children.

Keep the current home and get a small 1BR pied-a-terre in NYC for retirement. If your kids want to visit, you get them a hotel room on the same block or rent a neighbor's unit in the building for the weekend.

It absolutely can be done on dual-Fed income. The nice thing about dual pensions is that you can always pass underwriting for a new mortgage or a refinance in your retired years. If you're smart, you buy the NYC apartment now in your working years and just rent it out to a full-time tenant to pay down the mortgage.