S/O What are the major parenting "you do what??" triggers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- Kids do not pay for college
- Kids do not have a summer job (they have camps and volunteer work)
- Kids do not do chores around the house
- ACs are allowed to stay with parents for free and all of their expenses paid by parents after college.
- Parents pay for college, first new car, wedding.
- Parents do not allow dating while kids are of school age.
- Parents do not allow smoking, drinking etc.
- Parents do not allow premarital sex for kids.
- Kids are expected to be on a solid career path by parents. There are expectation regarding conduct, discipline, career and future spouse.

These are things that trigger you?

[Anonymous]

Parents who hire "collegiate coaches" and "essay coaches" who do the work to get the kid into college.

[Anonymous]

^ and also, rich people who claim that anyone who doesn't agree with them is "jealous"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got judged for using a leash on my kid. People get scandalized because using a leash means you're treating your kid like a dog. That's an absurd argument against leashes for kids, but really, how different are toddlers from dogs? In a way they are dumber because a lot of dogs know not to run out into the road when they see a car.

I never used a leash but I never had kids that needed one. I think the arguments against it are stupid - kids need to be restrained by something until they learn to do it themselves - a stroller, a hand, something. What differences does it make how it’s done except a leash gives them more room to separate? One can argue that it’s more respectful than hand holding which keeps them right with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teaching toddlers to share.

I first read that as “teaching toddlers to shave”

I am absolutely against teaching toddlers to shave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got judged for using a leash on my kid. People get scandalized because using a leash means you're treating your kid like a dog. That's an absurd argument against leashes for kids, but really, how different are toddlers from dogs? In a way they are dumber because a lot of dogs know not to run out into the road when they see a car.

Lol, I like you.

[Anonymous]

Parents get very high and mighty about "invite the whole class" parties and how they WOULD NEVER. Not sure why they care so much or who these imaginary people are they think are going to force them to have one.

Trophies for all. I have a drawer full of freebie tshirts I've gotten from 5ks...I have never won a 5k. It's the same thing, but parents get so worked up that somewhere out there a six year old who busted his/her ass all fall in soccer may get an undeserved trophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I am literally out right now with my 5yo in a stroller. Got groceries and I don’t need a meltdown because the walk home is just a little too long and I have a lot to carry? Didn’t occur to me this might upset people.

Yeah, I think some of this is city vs. suburb divide. We don’t have a car. We have an almost 4 and an almost 2 year old. We walk everywhere. A 20-30 minute walk is common for us, and 45 mins isn’t unheard of. Even if it was just my older child, do you know how long it would take to walk the 25 mins to the pediatricians office without the stroller??? It’d be like an hour each way. We use a double stroller nearly all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get co-sleeping past a certain age. My colleague said their 5 year old still co-slept with them. Why?

Each time my 5 year old co-sleeps with me (in a hotel or camping), I get the worst sleep ever. So that one is a "you do what?" trigger for me.

Because the kid has anxiety and they're not willing to recognize or treat it.

Or they ARE treating it, but this takes time, there may be other more pressing things to deal with than sharing a bead (going to school for example).

This is such a weird thing to get hung up about as it doesn’t change your interactions with the family at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Sleep training or not
-Freedoms that are seen as dangerous and the various ages when they’re allowed. Walking to school without a parent, staying home alone, going to the playground without a parent, taking the bus without a parent, etc, etc.

And I’ve never seen this in real life, but here on DCUM, shower/bath frequency is one that evokes heated responses.

Those shower/bath threads make me laugh because I'll be nodding along like "yeah, once a week is too infrequent, that's gross" and then someone will be like "my children bathe twice a day and must change their clothes immediately upon entering the house from outside" and suddenly the once-a-week parents seem chill and reasonable. Perspective is everything.

I’m a parent that makes their kids change when they come in the house and I know it makes me seem over the top. Our playground has a sandbox and lots of mulch and I just think it’s easier to immediately change than vacuum it up later in the spare time that I don’t have. I know it seems extreme but it’s seriously so much easier to keep it out of the house than to clean it up later. But yeah I’m sure many people think I’m nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Sleep training or not
-Freedoms that are seen as dangerous and the various ages when they’re allowed. Walking to school without a parent, staying home alone, going to the playground without a parent, taking the bus without a parent, etc, etc.

And I’ve never seen this in real life, but here on DCUM, shower/bath frequency is one that evokes heated responses.

Those shower/bath threads make me laugh because I'll be nodding along like "yeah, once a week is too infrequent, that's gross" and then someone will be like "my children bathe twice a day and must change their clothes immediately upon entering the house from outside" and suddenly the once-a-week parents seem chill and reasonable. Perspective is everything.

I’m a parent that makes their kids change when they come in the house and I know it makes me seem over the top. Our playground has a sandbox and lots of mulch and I just think it’s easier to immediately change than vacuum it up later in the spare time that I don’t have. I know it seems extreme but it’s seriously so much easier to keep it out of the house than to clean it up later. But yeah I’m sure many people think I’m nuts.

But that's specific thing to you -- you aren't advocating that everyone change clothes the minute they come home, you just understandably don't want sand and mulch all over the house.

It's the prescriptive attitudes that turn this stuff into triggers. Lots of people are capable of making a choice for their own family but recognize that others might make other choices and it's not a big deal. That's how I feel about a lot of this stuff, including hot button topics like SAHP/two working parents, breastfeeding, sleep training, screentime, etc. I know what works for us and our kids, I assume other parents can figure it out for themselves, we don't have to do the same stuff.

It's only when another parents' choices make my life harder that I feel triggered. So for instance, if you were telling people that my family is "dirty" because we don't all change clothes upon entering our home, I'd take issue. Likewise, I think cell phones/social media for tweens/teens is a big one because if another family starts allowing that before you are ready to, it's going to make it a lot more work for you to hold the line (and also make you start to question your choices if it starts to impact your child's social life).

As long as you aren't judging other families for not doing exactly what you do, it's not a trigger, it's just a different choice and it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Sleep training or not
-Freedoms that are seen as dangerous and the various ages when they’re allowed. Walking to school without a parent, staying home alone, going to the playground without a parent, taking the bus without a parent, etc, etc.

And I’ve never seen this in real life, but here on DCUM, shower/bath frequency is one that evokes heated responses.

Those shower/bath threads make me laugh because I'll be nodding along like "yeah, once a week is too infrequent, that's gross" and then someone will be like "my children bathe twice a day and must change their clothes immediately upon entering the house from outside" and suddenly the once-a-week parents seem chill and reasonable. Perspective is everything.

I’m a parent that makes their kids change when they come in the house and I know it makes me seem over the top. Our playground has a sandbox and lots of mulch and I just think it’s easier to immediately change than vacuum it up later in the spare time that I don’t have. I know it seems extreme but it’s seriously so much easier to keep it out of the house than to clean it up later. But yeah I’m sure many people think I’m nuts.

We not talking about you boo we talking about the Howard Hughes of the world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who spend a lot of their spare time doing math enrichment and math summer school and then complain the school math curriculum is "too slow" or not advanced enough for their math genius. If they need all that extra tutoring and time, they aren't that advanced.

So I get that those parents are annoying when they complain, but math education in this country is really slow compared to some other countries. And it translates into U.S. kids not being able to fill the high demand for quantitative jobs. When we recruit for quant positions, 75% of the candidates that pass the initial HR screen did K-12 in a foreign country.

Some parents think that the public school math curriculum is just not age appropriate - they worry that they're wasting their kid's potential by not teaching them early. The only "solution" I really see if to have multiple tracks for math from early on (because some kids struggle with the pace of the school math curriculum) but there are definitely other concerns with that.

We aren't going to have multiple tracks here. The US educational system isn't going to please everyone. People have to take the good with the bad and adapt.

We already do - some kids take algebra 1 in 9th or even later, some in 8th, others in 7th, and a few in 6th or even earlier.
What these parents are really complaining about is that the higher tracks are only available to those with th right combination of luck (how acceleration-friendly is the school), savvy (do you know your school's unadvertised acceleration options), and of course, social capital (are you golfing buddies with the principal? Do you know how to ask for acceleration without making it seem like you're asking for acceleration). All of these are hallmarks of privilege, and none of them are germane to the issue of whether or not a student is qualified for these higher math tracks.

You're talking about upper levels. We aren't going to have multiple tracks starting at kindergarten to please the hyper acceleration desiring parents. And we shouldn't.

And which countries do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- Kids do not pay for college
- Kids do not have a summer job (they have camps and volunteer work)
- Kids do not do chores around the house
- ACs are allowed to stay with parents for free and all of their expenses paid by parents after college.
- Parents pay for college, first new car, wedding.
- Parents do not allow dating while kids are of school age.
- Parents do not allow smoking, drinking etc.
- Parents do not allow premarital sex for kids.
- Kids are expected to be on a solid career path by parents. There are expectation regarding conduct, discipline, career and future spouse.

I agree—-with the opposite of every bullet point you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- Kids do not pay for college
- Kids do not have a summer job (they have camps and volunteer work)
- Kids do not do chores around the house
- ACs are allowed to stay with parents for free and all of their expenses paid by parents after college.
- Parents pay for college, first new car, wedding.
- Parents do not allow dating while kids are of school age.
- Parents do not allow smoking, drinking etc.
- Parents do not allow premarital sex for kids.
- Kids are expected to be on a solid career path by parents. There are expectation regarding conduct, discipline, career and future spouse.

And certain cultures wonder why their men struggle in the dating market.