S/O What are the major parenting "you do what??" triggers
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Anonymous
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The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:
- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten) - age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides - breastfeeding/formula - daycare v. nanny v. SAHP What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do. Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me. |
Anonymous
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People who keep their children home from school because the kid is tired, because the kid doesn't want to go, because it's an effort, because they like the company, etc.
The kid may enjoy it at the time but sabotaging schooling is bad parenting and bad for the kid later on. |
Anonymous
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Good question, OP. In my personal observation, I noticed that folks who tend to be militant about these topics have "militant" personalities in general, or their strong opinions are a function of their life systems and beliefs. For example, my ultra conservative Christian mom was taken aback that was not going to quit my job to become a SAHP to my 2 year old DS. I refuse to engage in the SAHM/WOHM debates and have friends in both categories, but I knew SAH was not for me. And yet, despite my mom's negative views on daycare, my son is thriving.
I have a "live and let live" personality, so I roll my eyes internally when someone espouses an ultra strong opinion on any of these, and move on. Thankfully my friends are mostly in the "whatever works for you" camp, as long as the kids are happy and healthy. A couple other trigger topics that I've seen on here are: - Circumcise or not? - Screen time |
Anonymous
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I dunno why people care about stroller. It's handy for carrying all your stuff, and if my children are annoying me, fighting with each other, running off, touching things they shouldn't, then into the stroller they go.
I think the big hot-button issue is whether divorce is harmful (or, how harmful is it). People get intense when they feel that harm to children is being dismissed or rationalized away. The other hot-button issue is whether a child is "quirky" or has ASD. |
Anonymous
| Spanking. |
Anonymous
This is interesting - one of my kids is quirky, they both have a diagnosis of ASD, but mostly I don't think it's accurate or useful. |
Anonymous
| Redshirting, apparently |
Anonymous
Oh, screen time is a good one, people can be weird about that. I think maybe the culture of parenting has actually made me weird about it too? I would have loved a boy but part of me was relieved that I did not have once because I did not want to have to worry about the circumcision decision. |
Anonymous
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-Sleep training or not
-Freedoms that are seen as dangerous and the various ages when they’re allowed. Walking to school without a parent, staying home alone, going to the playground without a parent, taking the bus without a parent, etc, etc. And I’ve never seen this in real life, but here on DCUM, shower/bath frequency is one that evokes heated responses. |
Anonymous
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I am pretty laid back and firmly believe every child and parent is different. I don't understand why people are so militant about certain things -- breastfeeding, daycare vs. SAHM (this extremism either way I REALLY don't understand, you do you!), etc.
The one I do get judgmental about is when people co-sleep with their kids waaaay past the newborn age (I know someone who STILL sleeps with their kindergartner every night) and are trapped in this cycle and won't change things even though they're miserable |
Anonymous
Yeah, I think part of the reason this is big is that we now have many, many children of divorce who are parenting themselves. Back before no-fault divorce, it was so much more rare. But this is a good example of how people tend to assume that their experience is universal, because I've met children of divorce who think divorce is always terrible for kids, and I've met children of divorce who will tell you that their parents divorce was the best thing that ever happened to their family. There is no universal experience. |
Anonymous
| Are your kids all younger? I no longer have "triggers," now that my kids are older. I did when they were younger, but that was mostly me being insecure (which is not a judgement - that is totally normal) But now I genuinely believe we are all out here doing our best. |
Anonymous
| Junk food vs "all natural" etc. |
Anonymous
Those shower/bath threads make me laugh because I'll be nodding along like "yeah, once a week is too infrequent, that's gross" and then someone will be like "my children bathe twice a day and must change their clothes immediately upon entering the house from outside" and suddenly the once-a-week parents seem chill and reasonable. Perspective is everything. |
Anonymous
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Pretty much every topic on this forum. Pick one (bday party invites, potty training, social etiquette, school situations, too many activities).
Rarely, is there a (supportive) consensus on here. Goes to show that 99% of parenting topics ate triggers for people. |