S/O What are the major parenting "you do what??" triggers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:

- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten)

- age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides

- breastfeeding/formula

- daycare v. nanny v. SAHP

What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do.

Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me.

What's wrong with taking a stroller? A 5yo is likely to get tired after walking for a while.

Yeah, who cares? And also why would anyone wanna go to multiple European cities with a 5 year old?

Um, because they want to go to European cities and happen to have a 5yo? I don't get when people put their lives on hold because their kids might not be the perfect ideal age for certain travel. Europe is way more "kid-friendly" than the US anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:

- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten)

- age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides

- breastfeeding/formula

- daycare v. nanny v. SAHP

What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do.

Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me.

What's wrong with taking a stroller? A 5yo is likely to get tired after walking for a while.

Yeah, who cares? And also why would anyone wanna go to multiple European cities with a 5 year old?

Um, because they want to go to European cities and happen to have a 5yo? I don't get when people put their lives on hold because their kids might not be the perfect ideal age for certain travel. Europe is way more "kid-friendly" than the US anyway

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:

- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten)

- age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides

- breastfeeding/formula

- daycare v. nanny v. SAHP

What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do.

Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me.

What's wrong with taking a stroller? A 5yo is likely to get tired after walking for a while.

I think the argument against strollers is that kids don't get enough physical exercise these days and you are letting your kids get out of shape. I remember some articles on that back in the day. It seems like such a dumb thing to fixate on.

And I do think kids don't get enough time outside and doing exercise but how many of us live in areas where we can just let kids roam free? It's not like our kids can explore the forest like they do in older books, and little kids aren't going to organize their own game of baseball because there are no empty fields around and you have to have permission to use the regular baseball fields. Not to mention the fact that if you let an 8-year old walk around the block, you might get a visit from CPS. And then of course you have people judging us for putting our kids in organized sports activities! It's all so absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids all younger? I no longer have "triggers," now that my kids are older. I did when they were younger, but that was mostly me being insecure (which is not a judgement - that is totally normal) But now I genuinely believe we are all out here doing our best.

I have a couple of older kids triggers:
— condoning alcohol or drug use at home, or drinking alcohol with your teenager
— allowing sex in the home for your teenager
— skipping school for sporting events/other extracurricular activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:

- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten)

- age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides

- breastfeeding/formula

- daycare v. nanny v. SAHP

What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do.

Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me.

What's wrong with taking a stroller? A 5yo is likely to get tired after walking for a while.

I think the argument against strollers is that kids don't get enough physical exercise these days and you are letting your kids get out of shape. I remember some articles on that back in the day. It seems like such a dumb thing to fixate on.

And I do think kids don't get enough time outside and doing exercise but how many of us live in areas where we can just let kids roam free? It's not like our kids can explore the forest like they do in older books, and little kids aren't going to organize their own game of baseball because there are no empty fields around and you have to have permission to use the regular baseball fields. Not to mention the fact that if you let an 8-year old walk around the block, you might get a visit from CPS. And then of course you have people judging us for putting our kids in organized sports activities! It's all so absurd.

It’s so weird people get worked up about strollers. I’m a no stroller person — I start kicking my kids out by like 2 and fondly look forward to travelling without one (my youngest is 1.5 — so close…) — but I don’t care what other people do. I don’t use strollers because I personally find them inconvenient and find the flexibility of not having them easier. So long as no one’s making me push/store/keep track of their 5yo’s stroller who cares?

And I absolutely agree with PP that kid activity levels are a larger societal problem unrelated to strollers. As with all of the mommy wars: there’s no winning choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teaching toddlers to share.

I first read that as “teaching toddlers to shave”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty laid back and firmly believe every child and parent is different. I don't understand why people are so militant about certain things -- breastfeeding, daycare vs. SAHM (this extremism either way I REALLY don't understand, you do you!), etc.

The one I do get judgmental about is when people co-sleep with their kids waaaay past the newborn age (I know someone who STILL sleeps with their kindergartner every night) and are trapped in this cycle and won't change things even though they're miserable

Me too. And I know one older than kindergarten. I automatically think they are weird and would not allow my kid to have a sleepover at their house or have the kid to mine.

Hey, it’s not like I WANT my kid crawling into my bed every night. He just does.

Oh, FFS. Please let this be sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking.

+1. Spanking is not always abusive, but most DCUM people will automatically say all hitting is wrong.

It’s possible that all spanking isn’t abusive. But all parents who are abusing their child think they’re “spanking”.

All spanking is abusive. This is just nonsense.

Spanking is failed parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking.

+1. Spanking is not always abusive, but most DCUM people will automatically say all hitting is wrong.

It’s possible that all spanking isn’t abusive. But all parents who are abusing their child think they’re “spanking”.

All spanking is abusive. This is just nonsense.

Nope.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No gifts" on party invites

Party favors

What's wrong with asking for no gifts?

Also, I must say I'm surprised at how civil this thread is especially given that this is one big list of all the controversial parenting topics

I'm the PP you quoted and I'm a no gifts person - but people here get very heated about it (I think the counter-argument is that it's tacky to speak of gifts on a party invite at all and/or that you shouldn't get to dictate this on your kid's behalf, why are you depriving them of gifts from their friends, etc.).

Here's one example thread, but it comes up with some frequency: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/796912.page#14830636

Spin-off: the weird, obsessive Anti Party Favors Moms.

[Anonymous]

Lol I am literally out right now with my 5yo in a stroller. Got groceries and I don’t need a meltdown because the walk home is just a little too long and I have a lot to carry? Didn’t occur to me this might upset people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno why people care about stroller. It's handy for carrying all your stuff, and if my children are annoying me, fighting with each other, running off, touching things they shouldn't, then into the stroller they go.

I think the big hot-button issue is whether divorce is harmful (or, how harmful is it). People get intense when they feel that harm to children is being dismissed or rationalized away.

The other hot-button issue is whether a child is "quirky" or has ASD.

This is interesting - one of my kids is quirky, they both have a diagnosis of ASD, but mostly I don't think it's accurate or useful.

A kid can be quirky and have ASD.

[Anonymous]

I got judged for using a leash on my kid. People get scandalized because using a leash means you're treating your kid like a dog. That's an absurd argument against leashes for kids, but really, how different are toddlers from dogs? In a way they are dumber because a lot of dogs know not to run out into the road when they see a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I am literally out right now with my 5yo in a stroller. Got groceries and I don’t need a meltdown because the walk home is just a little too long and I have a lot to carry? Didn’t occur to me this might upset people.

What's ridiculous is that many of the people who would be upset by this would never walk to and from the grocery store, much less with a 5 yr old in tow. They'd drive, even if it was a half mile a way.

And yet you never hear people freaking out about how someone DRIVES their 5 yr old places when they can walk. But it's the same thing, only in the stroller you are still getting exercise and it's better for the environment. People drive kids 5 blocks to school but will criticize someone who pushes their 4 yr old the mile walk to preschool. It's all hypocritical nonsense.

[Anonymous]

- Kids do not pay for college
- Kids do not have a summer job (they have camps and volunteer work)
- Kids do not do chores around the house
- ACs are allowed to stay with parents for free and all of their expenses paid by parents after college.
- Parents pay for college, first new car, wedding.
- Parents do not allow dating while kids are of school age.
- Parents do not allow smoking, drinking etc.
- Parents do not allow premarital sex for kids.
- Kids are expected to be on a solid career path by parents. There are expectation regarding conduct, discipline, career and future spouse.