S/O What are the major parenting "you do what??" triggers

[Anonymous]

Teaching toddlers to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids all younger? I no longer have "triggers," now that my kids are older. I did when they were younger, but that was mostly me being insecure (which is not a judgement - that is totally normal) But now I genuinely believe we are all out here doing our best.

OP here, I don't find any of these to be triggering -- I find it strange how intense and judgmental people can be on these subjects where, it seems to me, there are a broad range of right answers.

Agree it's normal to feel more insecure when your kids are young, or any time they start a brand new phase. But I also think it's made much harder than it needs to be by arguments that will go like: "breast is best, formula doesn't come with a mother's love" on one side, but then "people who breastfeed are willingly destroying their marriage and their kid's relationship with their father" on the other. It's crazy! Don't say stuff like that to new parents! They are stressed and need practical, measured guidance and lots of reassurance that it will all work out because usually it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teaching toddlers to share.

Is this controversial?! [OP]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread about taking a stroller for a 5 yr old (on a walking-heavy vacation to multiple European cities) made me think about how there are just certain parenting decisions and topics that people are intense about. Like:

- stroller use past a certain age (seems to vary with some people thinking strollers are inappropriate after 2.5, others drawing the line at 4, others at kindergarten)

- age of potty training, people are so heated about this on both sides

- breastfeeding/formula

- daycare v. nanny v. SAHP

What am I missing? I'm a "live and let live" person and don't have strong feelings either way about any of these, and am always taken aback when people are militant about it. Especially when I'll talk to someone who seems fairly chill and then out of nowhere they are like "people who breastfeed past age 1 are engaging in child abuse" or something. I didn't even breastfeed past age 1! But I don't care if others do.

Why are people so intense about these choices? Why so judgmental? It feels like a waste of energy to me.

Age of mom

[Anonymous]

Picky eaters (I have one who also has several food intolerances and people are very vocal about how that makes me a bad mom who doesn’t care).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picky eaters (I have one who also has several food intolerances and people are very vocal about how that makes me a bad mom who doesn’t care).

Yes, this is a trigger for me because I have a picky eater and it's the one area of parenting where I regularly feel judged by others who I know assume I made my kid picky (I really think my kid was destined to be picky, and I also think will outgrow it on their own).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids all younger? I no longer have "triggers," now that my kids are older. I did when they were younger, but that was mostly me being insecure (which is not a judgement - that is totally normal) But now I genuinely believe we are all out here doing our best.

I love this response. If only all parents reached this place of calm and rationality we could do like the bumper sticker and coexist.

[Anonymous]

leashes

[Anonymous]

When people justify their decision to go to private school by saying things that are rude if you think about it. Like they "Just want their children to love learning"-- as if public school means the kids don't love learning. You might think it, but to say it to someone's face is really insensitive.

Parents who are in denial of special needs, and especially if the dad is in denial and obstructs the mom from taking action.

Drinking while pregnant.

[Anonymous]

ABA therapy for autism. Really, anything related to autism. And people who think the world is going to very soon appreciate the brilliance of their ND child and start accommodating.

Whether a kid has ADHD or is it more of a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teaching toddlers to share.

Is this controversial?! [OP]

Oh boy, yes. There's a movement in positive parenting circles about how sharing (and saying sorry) is developmentally inappropriate and you shouldn't make kids share and apologize unless they want to do so voluntarily. It sort of blew my mind when I first heard playground moms compare sharing to an adult randomly asking to use your cell phone. I assume there's a podcast or article they've all read.

https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/its-ok-not-to-share

[Anonymous]

Letting kids sit in the front seat of the car before they are technically allowed.

People who are lackadaisical about water safety. Honestly you get ONE chance, if I have to jump in fully clothed to save your child again we are not friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty laid back and firmly believe every child and parent is different. I don't understand why people are so militant about certain things -- breastfeeding, daycare vs. SAHM (this extremism either way I REALLY don't understand, you do you!), etc.

The one I do get judgmental about is when people co-sleep with their kids waaaay past the newborn age (I know someone who STILL sleeps with their kindergartner every night) and are trapped in this cycle and won't change things even though they're miserable

Me too. And I know one older than kindergarten. I automatically think they are weird and would not allow my kid to have a sleepover at their house or have the kid to mine.

[Anonymous]

"Gentle parenting" and people who don't realize it's precious toddler mommy stuff. They'll get over it when they realize how wrong it feels with an older child but sometimes it's a long wait.

People who co-sleep, do gentle parenting, won't medicate for ADHD, or whatever, and constantly complain about how exhausted and depleted they are.

[Anonymous]

People who choose their school based on the cozy crunchy preschool vibe and their professed commitmment to expeditionary-Regio-ssori-Waldorf-enviro-yada yada, versus people who want solid academics and a well-functioning administration.