Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that it's only about missing specific events, but what about free play/free time? Everything a kid/teen does now a days is always an organized event.

Yes and we are seeing the issues played out in STEM. You need downtime, time to get bored and figure out how to entertain yourself without help, are all necessary for engineering and other STEM fields. Kids are natural tinkerers and they don’t have enough time to truly dabble.

This isn’t a STEM issue. I grew up in the free play, go outside and entertain yourself era of the 80s and tinkering was never something I did and STEM was never a strength or an interest.

Yeah I think it's only a certain kind of kid who tinkers with stuff in their free time. The kids I know how are like this aren't really interested in sports. Not everyone who ends up in STEM was a tinkerer in childhood.

On the topic of not having downtime or time to get bored and figure out how to entertain yourself... with certain sports you actually do engage in some level of this. I was a swimmer and spent a lot of time staring at the black line on the bottom of the pool. You have to pay attention to what you're doing, but at the same time a lot of it is repetitive and automatic. I remember having a lot of time to think while I swam. I would come up with all kinds of ideas and would entertain myself by translating every thought I had into the language I was learning at the time. So I was definitely getting some cognitive benefits in addition to the exercise.

I realize team sports taking place on land don't really offer this type of quiet time. But I would bet a similar thing happens for cross country runners or other sports where there's a lot of repetition or waiting around alone?

Idk

Car rides
Between games
If you have 1 game you have tons of down time the rest of the day for 8am game

Also down time needs is not the same for every kid. My introvert needs tons of down time and my extroverted son doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP isn’t getting is that this IS a warm hearted and fun childhood for many kids. The team is filled with their closest friends, and in between tournament games they are bonding at an arcade, at team dinners. The parents are becoming friends and there is a lot of support and comraderie. It just doesn’t look like your childhood or the one your child is experiencing.

The downside to that is having to make the team every year to keep your friends. My kids have been on teams where they are comfortably in the middle and near the top and it's not stressful at all, but they've also been near the bottom and that is incredibly stressful. An 11 or 12 year old is facing a situation where if they don't make the team, they lose most of their good friends. I've seen it happen to kids and they just seem miserable for the remainder of the season and then they're dropped off of text threads and forgotten by the middle of the next season.

Eh, not all teams are so cutthroat. DD plays for a team that values consistency of players - so unless there becomes a big gulf between a player and the rest of the team skill-wise, people don't get cut. And yet they are ranked within the top 5 teams in the state for their sport (soccer).

If it’s actually a top 5 (not a gotsoccer top 5), then there are players cycling in an out. If it’s a got soccer top 5, then it isn’t even close to top 5

UGH. It's posters like PP that killed the soccer forum. Is there a d*ckhead requirement to be a soccer parent in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its about what the parents care about, not what the kids care about.

x1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its about what the parents care about, not what the kids care about.

x1000000

I do not understand this belief. On our team I see virtually no kids who look like they are being forced to be there. My daughter wanted travel long before I allowed it. She told me "I'd rather be the worst player on the best team than the best player on the worst team" and she would much rather have real competition than win every game. Sure, my kids occasionally wish they could lay around rather than going to a practice but they never want to stop their sports and have never wanted to skip a game, tournament or meet.

[Anonymous]

Are there people who over schedule their kids in any number of ways? Of course. Do kids need downtime and time to figure out how to entertain themselves? Of course. This doesn't need to be an all-or-nothing conversation; it's like everything in life: finding balance. As parents, it's important to know your child and figure out what makes the most sense for them. There is such a thing as too much unscheduled downtime and for a lot of kids that "downtime" turns into screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For DS tournaments have been some of the most memorable part of his childhood - getting to do what he loves, bonding with teammates, forging lifelong friendships, getting to visit different cities and even states. We as parents have loved it as well. Some of our best friends now are other baseball parents.

What I have observed is these "lifelong friends' get dropped like hot potatos once they don't make the team or don't want to play any more.

[Anonymous]

Lifelong friends lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For DS tournaments have been some of the most memorable part of his childhood - getting to do what he loves, bonding with teammates, forging lifelong friendships, getting to visit different cities and even states. We as parents have loved it as well. Some of our best friends now are other baseball parents.

What I have observed is these "lifelong friends' get dropped like hot potatos once they don't make the team or don't want to play any more.

I’ve seen cliques of non athlete/neighborhood kids especially in the middle school years split up with hurt feelings, feelings of one being excluded. Friend groups change whether you are teammates or purely friends from the neighborhood/school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For DS tournaments have been some of the most memorable part of his childhood - getting to do what he loves, bonding with teammates, forging lifelong friendships, getting to visit different cities and even states. We as parents have loved it as well. Some of our best friends now are other baseball parents.

What I have observed is these "lifelong friends' get dropped like hot potatos once they don't make the team or don't want to play any more.

I’ve seen cliques of non athlete/neighborhood kids especially in the middle school years split up with hurt feelings, feelings of one being excluded. Friend groups change whether you are teammates or purely friends from the neighborhood/school.

Most kids don't go into tryouts every year knowing that not making the team means losing their best friends.

[Anonymous]

Team friendships are rewarding for kids, but as parents, make sure you see them for what they are. They are engineered friendships that rotate on only one axle - being on the same team. Once a kid leaves the team, the common thread is gone and while the kid can continue friendships with individual kids, they won’t be a part of the team dinner, team pool party, etc.

Make sure your kid has friends outside the team and one to one friendships with kids on the team.

It’s like being in a sorority or fraternity - you are automatically friends with everyone just by virtue of being in the same organization. Once you leave, you can maintain superficial friendships with some, but you will only stay friends with the ones with whom you have a connection beyond “we belong to the same sorority”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its about what the parents care about, not what the kids care about.

x1000000

I do not understand this belief. On our team I see virtually no kids who look like they are being forced to be there. My daughter wanted travel long before I allowed it. She told me "I'd rather be the worst player on the best team than the best player on the worst team" and she would much rather have real competition than win every game. Sure, my kids occasionally wish they could lay around rather than going to a practice but they never want to stop their sports and have never wanted to skip a game, tournament or meet.

But, that could also be a perception and not reality. Not unless you know the family and the kid. Even then, just because it looks like the kid is happy doesn't mean they are. No parent is going to admit that they force their kids to do these activities when they don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting this in sports forum because I think it belongs here.

My kids are as competitive as they come, doing travel sports, and generally very involved in their sports. So I get it. But I am finding more and more that parents have their kids skip out on birthday parties for local tournaments. Or missing the slumber party portion because they want their kids to be ready to compete the next day. They respond immediately to an invitation before the kids are even home from school, so the parents are making the choices.

To what end? These are simply local tournaments, and there will be another one next weekend. How sad that these competitions trump absolutely everything.

It’s just the way it is now. Coaches often require a contract that your child will prioritize that sport. For swimming, I almost never hear of someone skipping a meet unless they are sick.

Personally I think 12 and under should play two sports if possible even if one is very casual. Vacations and parties should sometimes be prioritized over sports.

Once they are teenagers, it is hard to miss a meet or game for any reason. It’s stressful. My now 16 year old misses out on plenty and his younger sibling does too because his older brother’s sport is a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For DS tournaments have been some of the most memorable part of his childhood - getting to do what he loves, bonding with teammates, forging lifelong friendships, getting to visit different cities and even states. We as parents have loved it as well. Some of our best friends now are other baseball parents.

What I have observed is these "lifelong friends' get dropped like hot potatos once they don't make the team or don't want to play any more.

This — but this seems to be the new culture. If a child is not in club/sport/activity with another child, they dont have (or rather don’t make( time for each other.

[Anonymous]

I’m happy my son is very athletic and loves to play sports most days of the week. Tournaments are fun for him, even sitting around between games and even if he doesn’t get as much play time as he desires.

When I was his age, I sat around watching soap operas and talking on the phone with my friends (plus biking, reading).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its about what the parents care about, not what the kids care about.

x1000000

I do not understand this belief. On our team I see virtually no kids who look like they are being forced to be there. My daughter wanted travel long before I allowed it. She told me "I'd rather be the worst player on the best team than the best player on the worst team" and she would much rather have real competition than win every game. Sure, my kids occasionally wish they could lay around rather than going to a practice but they never want to stop their sports and have never wanted to skip a game, tournament or meet.

But, that could also be a perception and not reality. Not unless you know the family and the kid. Even then, just because it looks like the kid is happy doesn't mean they are. No parent is going to admit that they force their kids to do these activities when they don't want to.

DP. I'm sure those parents exist, but as for my kids and their activities, most of the parents I have spoken to really wish their kids would quit or pull back. It's a lot of effort for the parents. When one of my kids stopped competing in her sport it was a little sad but mostly such a relief.