NYT Opinion Piece: This Isn’t What Millennial Middle Age Was Supposed To Look Like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

Social life is usually not an issue for these types of Type A strivers because no one can stand to be around them anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting article. I read it - and to PPs, I don’t think it is people moaning at all. It is about how life if different for today’s 40 year olds - objectively different, from the sorts of crises we have experienced in recent times, to the cost of housing, the aging population, etc. The headline refers to the idea that the pop culture mid life crisis where a guy buys a flashy car and runs away with a younger woman is unlikely for today’s 40 something men, who may have only just got married/had kids for the first time.

Any discussion as to the impact of marrying later in life?

The reality is that a couple can begin building assets when they combine their two incomes.

I wonder if maybe they’re just doing it wrong?

Once again for the people in the back: when you say Millenials "did it wrong" in terms of the choices they made between 18 and 25 or so, you are actually complaining about how they were raised and the values they were raised with.

Regarding getting married young: my boomer parents (who got married at 19 and 22) would have been HORRIFIED if any of their children had gotten married before the age of 25. My dad attended a state university for like $500 a year (seriously, I'm pretty sure that's how much it cost, and no, that is not equivalent to the $25k that same university would cost now "in today's dollars") and my mom did not go to college. But if any of their kids had said we weren't going to go to college, they would have been ashamed and embarrassed. Actually that's exactly what happened with my younger brother, who has never been remotely academic and absolutely did not want to go to college, and they talked him into getting a 4-year degree anyway at a school that cost 30k/year (because a less expensive state school would not take him because his grades were so bad).

My parents desperately did not want us to follow in their footsteps and heavily influenced all of us to attend the best (and most expensive) schools we could, to delay marriage until we were "more established" and to not have kids until at least our late 20s. And by and large we did as they expected. And I'm not alone. I don't know anyone whose parents would have encouraged them to get married young and know plenty of people whose parents told them explicitly they should wait until their late 20s "at least."

I don't know where Boomers got this idea. They also were really into their kids going to grad school. Going to law school is basically the only thing I've ever done for which my dad expressed any pride at all. Which is ironic because it's the life choice I most regret.

Anyway, it's just so strange that suddenly you're all like "go to state school, get married young, have kids early" because that's the exact opposite of what my parents and all my peers parents told us to do back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

Maybe they are right. Maybe we should want this for younger generations. Why do Americans take so much pride in keeping everything so hard? I actually want things to be easier for younger people. I don’t insist that they suffer just because I did. I have never understood that mentality.

Yea I don’t see a problem with this at all lol. Life doesn’t have to be so hard. Why do so many people insist on making it so hard? It’s 2023, we have so many comforts and conveniences that our ancestors didn’t have. Enjoy it! You only get one life to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

Maybe they are right. Maybe we should want this for younger generations. Why do Americans take so much pride in keeping everything so hard? I actually want things to be easier for younger people. I don’t insist that they suffer just because I did. I have never understood that mentality.

Raises for everyone means raises for no one. It's just resource competition in a zero sum world. That's why things are hard. No one is keeping it that way out of pride.

But I don't think what PP said is true of all millennials any more than any other generation. Millennials just feel more aggrieved over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

That is BS. They have realized the getting ahead is largely stacked by nepotism, favoritism of people like “the boss”, and the like. Hard work is overrated. It’s more obvious now that we can see people’s backgrounds on LinkedIn and Facebook and can connect the dots of why so and so got ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting article. I read it - and to PPs, I don’t think it is people moaning at all. It is about how life if different for today’s 40 year olds - objectively different, from the sorts of crises we have experienced in recent times, to the cost of housing, the aging population, etc. The headline refers to the idea that the pop culture mid life crisis where a guy buys a flashy car and runs away with a younger woman is unlikely for today’s 40 something men, who may have only just got married/had kids for the first time.

Agreed. And it IS different.

Not sure why so many of the PPs are so miserable.
-I'm Gen X

I had a VERY rough start as a young person in DC and yes I got out of the corporate rat race as a single Mom and built an empire. It's possible but you have to be ballsy.

[Anonymous]

Can someone post the article?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

That is BS. They have realized the getting ahead is largely stacked by nepotism, favoritism of people like “the boss”, and the like. Hard work is overrated. It’s more obvious now that we can see people’s backgrounds on LinkedIn and Facebook and can connect the dots of why so and so got ahead.

You're right that hard work isn't rewarded because no one cares how hard you think you work. Produce valuable outputs, that's what's rewarded. And strategize your career to get ahead, yes that means schmoozing the boss.

You're basically proving PPs point that you want success without sacrifice or serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38, married 11 years, have 3 kids, own my home, have a healthy retirement savings.

I’m absolutely dumbfounded by how few of my peers have progressed down the “normal” path of adulthood with me. I kept thinking they’d catch up to me at some point, but the door is closing.

I am 35 and nobody in my orbit was talking marriage at 27. It feels like it took my circle (myself included) until 30 to start "growing up" - I was married at 31 and that was the first of my friend group.

You were not in the right orbit. God 27 is late to be married if you want to be somewhat responsible.

Where are you from? Utah? I’m gen x in DC and I was one of the first married at 27. The couple that married before us? Waiting till marriage for sex.. But my peers all had careers and other things to look forward to so I guess they weren’t too worried about being married by 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

That is BS. They have realized the getting ahead is largely stacked by nepotism, favoritism of people like “the boss”, and the like. Hard work is overrated. It’s more obvious now that we can see people’s backgrounds on LinkedIn and Facebook and can connect the dots of why so and so got ahead.

You're right that hard work isn't rewarded because no one cares how hard you think you work. Produce valuable outputs, that's what's rewarded. And strategize your career to get ahead, yes that means schmoozing the boss.

You're basically proving PPs point that you want success without sacrifice or serving.

I like how you pivot from being uncomfortable and sacrifice to produce valuable outputs and schmoozing. Sure, I have worked long hours and had great results, and had my boss take credit and then go out with his Lacrosse buddy for drinks while asking me to work late. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What millennial fail to understand is that to get ahead you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice, to curtail a social life, to work long hours for less than perfect pay, to juggle priorities, to SERVE something or someone other than yourself potentially for quite a while. They want it to be easy, comfortable, instant, rewarding, acknowledged, all the things.

That is BS. They have realized the getting ahead is largely stacked by nepotism, favoritism of people like “the boss”, and the like. Hard work is overrated. It’s more obvious now that we can see people’s backgrounds on LinkedIn and Facebook and can connect the dots of why so and so got ahead.

You're right that hard work isn't rewarded because no one cares how hard you think you work. Produce valuable outputs, that's what's rewarded. And strategize your career to get ahead, yes that means schmoozing the boss.

You're basically proving PPs point that you want success without sacrifice or serving.

I like how you pivot from being uncomfortable and sacrifice to produce valuable outputs and schmoozing. Sure, I have worked long hours and had great results, and had my boss take credit and then go out with his Lacrosse buddy for drinks while asking me to work late. Get real.

That sucks, sorry that happened. I hope you're able to move away from that situation. I don't see what pivot you mean, because to me schmoozing is uncomfortable and I generally need to sacrifice something to produce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Random thoughts:

1. Why wouldn't people pay for online news, which is the equivalent of a newspaper (which I hope I don't have to point out was never free)

2. Agree with posters talking about how it's actually a parenting fail/anger and how it was the boomers giving out trophies.

3.. WTH someone wishing C.diff on boomer. I find that a new low on here.

The Boomer hate is annoying. The millennials constant whining is annoying. All parents do the best they can. I grew up in the 80/90s where my parents literally didn’t care about anything I did. But sure, boomers giving everybody trophies scarred them for life…

[Anonymous]

I'm reading all the comments and it's been interesting because I can understand where everyone is coming from.

Case point: I'm 42 and all my peers are married/homeowners/advancing in careers/raising children, pretty much where we expected to be. Some have divorced but everyone is getting on with life and not in a dramatically different way as our peers 40 years ago. And as for the next rung, the new homeowners in my neighborhood are in their early 30s, following our footsteps.

Case point: certain things have become very expensive, namely education. Housing is probably more mixed, a lot of it is driven by individual cities, not nationally. But education costs is national and there's no questioning that costs have soared. But not everyone takes out loans and many people's loans are manageable. It's not a case of everyone taking out 250k for a third rate degree that is often the plights featured in these types of articles.

The thing is, there are winners and losers with every generation. We can't control for that. We have entire industries now that didn't exist 50 years ago, like tech, and made winners out of many people who otherwise might have had quite different lives. And of course, for women and minorities, it's a far better time in terms of employment opportunities and cultural place. On the other hand, it does seem like the innovations making this possible (see tech!) has made the working life much more intensive and demanding with excessively long hours for professional and senior management jobs. Our world is much more competitive. Everyone feels obliged to be on call all the time. And that can leave many people feeling stressed out in ways our parents didn't necessarily experience, even if they were hard working. And the advancements made by women means that the typical professional family is now two professional parents meaning higher incomes chasing after the same basket of goods, making housing more expensive.

I will also say that there's probably another whole dimension involved with the lack of contentment in modern life and it does have to do with that our relationships with culture and the institutions of our society have greatly changed. I've noticed, for example, few of my peers have a faith institution in their life, unlike when I was growing up where most people I knew were members of a church or synagogue, even if they weren't particularly devout. We have far less confidence in cultural and political institutions, and this comes from both political directions, not just one. Many more people now live far away from family so fewer people have strong local network of family or friendship support. There's a lot more single people who will never marry and have children.

I do think while we've made great advancements as a society, we've also created new challenges and societal and cultural dynamics that have made losers out of many people and leaving others frustrated and they don't fully understand why because they like the benefits of the advancements and can't contemplate connecting the dots explaining why they may still feel frustrated and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least Millennials didn't have to deal with the kind of violent crime that GenX dealt with as young adults. It's like 50% of what it used to be.

Well now we just live in fear that some madman with a gun will shoot up our grocery store, or elementary school, or concert, or or or…

Because you took the guns from the sane people.

You mean the cops, right? Worked out so well in Uvalde!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting article. I read it - and to PPs, I don’t think it is people moaning at all. It is about how life if different for today’s 40 year olds - objectively different, from the sorts of crises we have experienced in recent times, to the cost of housing, the aging population, etc. The headline refers to the idea that the pop culture mid life crisis where a guy buys a flashy car and runs away with a younger woman is unlikely for today’s 40 something men, who may have only just got married/had kids for the first time.

Any discussion as to the impact of marrying later in life?

The reality is that a couple can begin building assets when they combine their two incomes.

I wonder if maybe they’re just doing it wrong?

Once again for the people in the back: when you say Millenials "did it wrong" in terms of the choices they made between 18 and 25 or so, you are actually complaining about how they were raised and the values they were raised with.

Regarding getting married young: my boomer parents (who got married at 19 and 22) would have been HORRIFIED if any of their children had gotten married before the age of 25. My dad attended a state university for like $500 a year (seriously, I'm pretty sure that's how much it cost, and no, that is not equivalent to the $25k that same university would cost now "in today's dollars") and my mom did not go to college. But if any of their kids had said we weren't going to go to college, they would have been ashamed and embarrassed. Actually that's exactly what happened with my younger brother, who has never been remotely academic and absolutely did not want to go to college, and they talked him into getting a 4-year degree anyway at a school that cost 30k/year (because a less expensive state school would not take him because his grades were so bad).

My parents desperately did not want us to follow in their footsteps and heavily influenced all of us to attend the best (and most expensive) schools we could, to delay marriage until we were "more established" and to not have kids until at least our late 20s. And by and large we did as they expected. And I'm not alone. I don't know anyone whose parents would have encouraged them to get married young and know plenty of people whose parents told them explicitly they should wait until their late 20s "at least."

I don't know where Boomers got this idea. They also were really into their kids going to grad school. Going to law school is basically the only thing I've ever done for which my dad expressed any pride at all. Which is ironic because it's the life choice I most regret.

Anyway, it's just so strange that suddenly you're all like "go to state school, get married young, have kids early" because that's the exact opposite of what my parents and all my peers parents told us to do back in the day.

This is a really good point which often gets overlooked in these discussions where people seem to want to point a finger at how dumb or deluded millennials are for things like putting off marriage or getting fancy advanced degrees. Decisions people made as very young adults were certainly influenced by the environment in which they were raised.