Happy affair stories

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, yes. I had an affair for 7 and a half years. Not discovered by his wife nor my husband. AP and I are still friends, and we're each still with our spouses. I am now faithful to my husband. Affair got us both through rough times. So glad I didn't divorce. Good luck!

It could still come out. You were one person in a two person affair. Friend accidentally discovered her DH ONS, one thing lead to another and she also uncovered long affair he had with a “friend”. He doesn’t know she knows and she is planning to inform AP husband with proof but is giving it time. I’m trying to talk her out of it since it won’t improve her own situation and there are others involved she would hurt. At least all the kids are grown but now I have anxiety over this! Also I’m not sure you considering yourself faithful now really counts.

People are individuals. It always amuses me when people try to shame a betrayed spouse into keeping their secrets. I mean, if you didn't want your spouse to know you are a cheater, I guess you shouldn't cheat. But, to then shame and belittle a person that was a victim of this from sharing this almost decade long affair as if she's the bad person in this scenario is just absurd. She will do what she needs to do for closure. And a person that was banging her husband for 7 years really doesn't matter to her, just like she didn't matter to the ap.

I’m not trying to shame her. I try to be a sounding board mainly. I see that it has destroyed her and she may elect to bring this upon another person. Will the revenge really be sweet or will she feel worse when it’s done. I’m concerned about her.

DP. I will say it feels really, really good to get that off your chest. No more feeling like a victim. Done and dusted.

Absolutely not. It's disgusting to tell the other spouse. There's a very good chance he wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want some btch getting in my business if my DH stepped out. If it was over and he's not running away with her, you just seem completely psychotic. It's not "doing the right thing", it's bringing everyone else down with you. Just stay out of it.

This is some weird "blame the messenger" energy. The people who are disgusting and getting into other people's business are the ones pretending they're being monogamous to their partners when they're not. Being told the truth so you can reclaim your autonomy is a necessary step to begin righting all the wrongs the cheaters foisted onto their betrayed partners. Don't distract from the real issues by claiming that telling the truth is bad thing here.

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

There is only one wrong: the cheating/adultery.

Truth is not a wrong. Communicating info so someone knows to protect their health is a “good”.

It’s pathetic when cheaters try to equate ratting on them as an offense and on the same level of equivalency as screwing and lying for years behind their spouses’ backs.

Telling me would be great. I would welcome that information so I could protect myself. There is no “wrong” with relaying or to me. Quite the contrary. If my spouse was porking yours , yes, please let me know.

What if it were the AP themselves who let you know? Would you appreciate it then?

I'm not this PP but I am someone who mentioned that my husband had an affair and I found that information very pertinent. Again it just doesn't matter what the person's motivation for telling me the truth of my life is. It's not like I'm NOT going to judge the OW, right? So who cares if I judge her a little more for going all Bunny Boiler in the end. Actually, I suspect that my DDay was orchestrated by the OW on purpose (she Facetimed him on a Saturday afternoon and he was in the shower so I ran in to ask him if he wanted me to answer). Probably she was growing frustrated and maybe she thought that they would be together if only I were clued in. Who knows. Who cares. Maybe she butt dialed him. What's important is that I finally figured out why he was acting so strange. I had spent 6 months totally confused and stressed out because I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong (and I asked LOTS of questions but did not get truthful answers).

People like to imagine that our actions take place in a vacuum, but they're all interconnected. You don't have to read many affair stories to know that affairs often go underground. You know what makes that less likely? Informing the other betrayed spouse. My husband's OW was single but if she'd had a partner I may very well have reached out, and yes it would have been the right thing to do as an act of empowerment for the OBS, but it also would have made ripping off the bandaid easier so we could all figure out our marriages without triangulation going on. The fact that I benefit (if "benefiting" means "a sucky situation is slightly more likely to be resolved favorably") in that scenario is neither here nor there when it comes to what would benefit the OBS, which is the opportunity to make informed decisions.

My initial reaction to the affair was feeling compassion for OW, and a sort of embarrassment by proxy for my husband. I thought I married someone who wouldn't just string along someone who was desperate to get married and have kids. If he cared about her on any level, why would he put her through that? I didn't do anything to embarrass her; I even let him end things quietly and privately. I expect to be treated with dignity and I treat others that way. But that doesn't mean shying away from hard conversations. Really, a WHOLE lot of affair mess could be avoided if people knew how to have hard conversations. It's no coincidence that many people who have affairs are conflict-avoidant. Finding out something difficult is never fun, but it's an act of compassion to give someone the truth of their life. If they don't have great emotional resilience then you can offer other support and resources as well. But let's be honest . . . "your spouse was cheating on you" is not the kind of mind-f*ck that lands people in mental institutions, and I can't take anyone seriously who offers that as a defense.

[Anonymous]

^ motivation for telling the other spouse is definitely so there are two sets of eyes on the situation. Most definitely why it is a good idea. I thanked the betrayed fellow spouse that told me and we compared notes/stories.

[Anonymous]

Though I do want to temper that last statement because it IS really hard, and I found the affair discovery, aftermath, and recovery more difficult than suddenly losing a parent when I was a young adult. I don't mean to dismiss people's mental health needs. What I meant was that it's really a boilerplate type discovery . . . something extremely common. It's not like discovering you're actually married to a robot or some type of horrible child abuser or something. But it's still a very difficult trauma because your best friend has turned on you and disregarded your rights and humanity for their own jollies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Though I do want to temper that last statement because it IS really hard, and I found the affair discovery, aftermath, and recovery more difficult than suddenly losing a parent when I was a young adult. I don't mean to dismiss people's mental health needs. What I meant was that it's really a boilerplate type discovery . . . something extremely common. It's not like discovering you're actually married to a robot or some type of horrible child abuser or something. But it's still a very difficult trauma because your best friend has turned on you and disregarded your rights and humanity for their own jollies.

^and actively lied and plotted to deceive you, put your physical health in harm.

I agree that it was harder than losing a parent because that parent loved me fiercely and never betrayed me or put my health/well-being in jeopardy, or my kids. It’s a weird mind f@lk to find who you thought someone you are married to a long time is not who you thought they were all along. It destroys all trust for anything indeterminately.

[Anonymous]

I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Yeah, being married to you is punishment enough. I can see why he sought affection from another woman, and I hope he gets away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Yeah, being married to you is punishment enough. I can see why he sought affection from another woman, and I hope he gets away from you.

He admits he sucks for having an affair. Why are you so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

I hope you find closure. Stealth bombing is the best, IMO. Just when she thinks she got away with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Interesting that you think she isn’t. You don’t know what she has been through any more than she knows what you’ve been through.

How long do you plan to sit on this time bomb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Yeah, being married to you is punishment enough. I can see why he sought affection from another woman, and I hope he gets away from you.

He admits he sucks for having an affair. Why are you so angry?

Obviously he says what he needs to not to lose half. It’s not hard to see why he went looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Yeah, being married to you is punishment enough. I can see why he sought affection from another woman, and I hope he gets away from you.

He admits he sucks for having an affair. Why are you so angry?

Obviously he says what he needs to not to lose half. It’s not hard to see why he went looking elsewhere.

You are clearly an incel, a horrible husband or a woman with no self esteem. Go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Interesting that you think she isn’t. You don’t know what she has been through any more than she knows what you’ve been through.

How long do you plan to sit on this time bomb?

She know what I’ve been through because she has orchestrated all the drama. She has seen the carnage. I don’t know what she’s going through, but her life seems like it hasn’t missed a beat. Honestly, I think she has enjoyed destroying us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Interesting that you think she isn’t. You don’t know what she has been through any more than she knows what you’ve been through.

How long do you plan to sit on this time bomb?

She know what I’ve been through because she has orchestrated all the drama. She has seen the carnage. I don’t know what she’s going through, but her life seems like it hasn’t missed a beat. Honestly, I think she has enjoyed destroying us.

Bipolar or not, married or not- all of you men with APs need to realize women RARELY have NSA sex. It won’t end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Love how you’re standing by your man while plotting to destroy his paramour’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting back and waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on my husband's AP by telling her husband. I couldn't give a sh*t what happens to her, her husband or kids, because she didn't give a sh*t what she did to mine. In addition to the affair, she went on a campaign to destroy my husband when he ended it. She is a complete bi-polar psycho who tried to get my husband fired by spreading lies about him (unrelated to their relationship). My family was nearly destroyed because of this woman. She brought this on herself. Her kids and husband should hate her, and I hope someday they do. And I'll be glad to have a part in it. My husband sucks too, but he's already paying for his part in all of this.

Interesting that you think she isn’t. You don’t know what she has been through any more than she knows what you’ve been through.

How long do you plan to sit on this time bomb?

She know what I’ve been through because she has orchestrated all the drama. She has seen the carnage. I don’t know what she’s going through, but her life seems like it hasn’t missed a beat. Honestly, I think she has enjoyed destroying us.

Bipolar or not, married or not- all of you men with APs need to realize women RARELY have NSA sex. It won’t end well.

The married women in these affairs should realize this as well. They become level 4 clingers and soon are plotting their plans to get go to leave the wife. If they really planned for NSA, it’s their fault too. They aren’t these innocent victims they like to portray themselves to be, with the evil wife who might rat them out. Poor you.