Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP! I am a single mom in Vienna and totally hear you on so much of this. I have two kids, one is early elementary and one is late elementary. I feel so alone and isolated sometimes as a single person here! Would love to meet up for coffee or a drink. Is there a way to contact you?

A good friend of mine is a single (divorced) mom in Bethesda and has the exact same complaints. I’m really sorry this has been your experience and I would never ever have an issue with someone who is divorced. How stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP! I am a single mom in Vienna and totally hear you on so much of this. I have two kids, one is early elementary and one is late elementary. I feel so alone and isolated sometimes as a single person here! Would love to meet up for coffee or a drink. Is there a way to contact you?

Join the running/walking group for moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by cleaning up your potty mouth. That doesn't make you a social rebel with a cause.

That's Vienna, again. Being catty and saying nasty things about kids behind their parents' backs is perfectly acceptable, but cursing (for example, when discussing the Supreme Court or DJT) is uncouth and grounds for exclusion from the club.

Do Vienna moms really say nasty things behind others' backs? Because when I lived in Capitol Hill, no did that, it was unacceptable. That was the extent of my DMV experience, and I loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:McLean resident: Eating my popcorn and shamelessly enjoying the schadenfreude

McLean doesn't have a mean girls vibe.

-No one

It's the meanest of them all.

[Anonymous]

Ive met a lot of liberal women who live in Vienna. Lots of Moms Demand members, stuff like that. OP, are you involved in any local political groups? Start w Providence Dems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive met a lot of liberal women who live in Vienna. Lots of Moms Demand members, stuff like that. OP, are you involved in any local political groups? Start w Providence Dems.

I volunteered with Moms Demand for a long time. The Vienna-McLean group is very active. You will find your tribe by volunteering in local events. It might be hard with young kids but just an FYI

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

OP. You are a mean girl

Why? She has stated her opinion of the situation without name calling or even put downs.Meanwhile people in here are calling her loser. And yet you call her a mean girl?

It is almost like everyone expects all women to get along with each other even if they are uncomfortable. Do women always have to be “like the other girls?” Are they allowed to be introverts? If a woman doesn’t like to hang in mommy groups she needs to be painted as a “loser”

This is a weird thread and I guess my gen x self is too old to understand this divisive crap.

Op good luck and I hope you find a person or two!

Because she doesn’t like her neighbors, puts down the things other moms talk about as if it’s beneath her, doesn’t seem to want to get involved and get along with any group, and says she curses a lot and likes to rock the boat. I live in Vienna and have friends who live next door to people on the other side of the political aisle and they all get along. I don’t think they would though if they put down things a majority of other parents cared about in the town or cursed a lot or tried to rock the boat all the time. I know they both got pets this past year and enjoy talking about them and their kids. I like it that they are less involved in social justice and more involved in just being a good person, neighbor, and friend. This behavior calling out everyone also wouldn’t fly in Petworth. I have friends in Petworth and they have their own special interests.

But maybe she IS the person talking about dogs over the fence. That is a polite acquaintance or neighbor relationship in person but not a deep friendship. I’m assuming OP wants someone to be real with whom she can curse around and have a deeper bond with. You can be surface politely to anyone: civil talk about dogs and trees etc. those are not lasting bonds which is what I think OP is looking for.

Just because she is writing her true thoughts online doesn’t mean she isn’t surface poliete. She cant break through surface polite and that is the issue for her right now.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I can totally do surface level conversation -- could talk about my dog for hours! It's just that every conversation seems so surface level, and the ones that aren't usually center around kids' achievement/enrichment. It's exhausting. And these are just with the people who haven't automatically alienated me for being a single mom.

You’re expecting deep, opinionated debates at morning drop off? On the soccer field?

You realize that surface level topics is basically just polite conversation right? You have to actually get to know people and work to build friendships that naturally lead to deeper conversations.

Yes, it’s 100% a Virginia thing to make polite conversation. You moved to VA and that’s the culture. When in Rome.. If it doesn’t vibe with you then this probably isn’t going to be a place you feel like calling home.

The life revolving around kids thing is definitely very Vienna. It’s incredibly family focused, for better or worse, and I’m sure you had to know that before moving there.

Sometimes we make poor decisions, maybe VA wasn’t the best choice for what you value. The good thing is it’s okay to accept that and move on. Find a place you want to call home.

I will say it again. For what OP wants, any place in NoVa will be better than Vienna. Vienna is the epitome of boring, “don’t make waves” suburbia.

I’m not disagreeing. We like getting along with our neighbors. We like teaching our kids kindness towards others even if our viewpoints are different. We aren’t going to yell at you if you brought 11 items in the 10 item limit check out line. We’ll slow down for your new teenage driver on the road not flip them off and speed around them.

It’s refreshing living in a small part of this area where people are not itching to get in someone else’s face about something petty and instead offer goodwill and niceness instead.

I get it if that’s not for you. There’s a whole lot of nasty in the DC metro area. Take your pick, no need to feel out of place when there are plenty of options.

Let's deconstruct this, shall we?

We like getting along with our neighbors.

Yes, so long as they display the same conformist tendencies that we do and don't bring up anything that might make us feel uncomfortable.


We like teaching our kids kindness towards others even if our view points are different.

Hard to say, because expressing one's viewpoints isn't really encouraged in Vienna, and you don't teach your kids kindness towards children who aren't smart, athletic, or otherwise talented in ways that make Vienna look good.

We aren’t going to yell at you if you brought 11 items in the 10 item limit check out line.

True, you won't yell. If you spot someone you know nearby, though, you'll do a truly impressive eye-roll.

We’ll slow down for your new teenage driver on the road not flip them off and speed around them.

If you know the new teenage driver or their parents, you'll be so solicitous that it will curdle milk. If you don't know the driver or their parents, you'll use the same middle fingers you whipped out to flip off the refs who called a foul on your kid during the travel league game last weekend.

It’s refreshing living in a small part of this area where people are not itching to get in someone else’s face about something petty and instead offer goodwill and niceness instead.

As OP can attest, it's depressing living in a small part of this area where people revel in the superficial and look for arbitrary flaws they can find in others to exclude them from their inner circle.

Hahaha A+!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by cleaning up your potty mouth. That doesn't make you a social rebel with a cause.

That's Vienna, again. Being catty and saying nasty things about kids behind their parents' backs is perfectly acceptable, but cursing (for example, when discussing the Supreme Court or DJT) is uncouth and grounds for exclusion from the club.

Do Vienna moms really say nasty things behind others' backs? Because when I lived in Capitol Hill, no did that, it was unacceptable. That was the extent of my DMV experience, and I loved it.

Not really. Most are too classy and busy to do stuff like that. They might have a mom get-together that not everyone is invited to. Most single moms don't have a lot of time for the daytime parties that some people are excluded from and don't care about because there are plenty of people in the DMV including in Vienna for them to befriend. Also, they often don't have the space or time to host themselves. It isn't a laissez-faire place like most of the DMV and OP sounds like she's looking for this so a more laid-back neighborhood would probably suit her better.

[Anonymous]

Takoma Park or Gaithersburg/Rockville area? I'd also say Reston or Herndon might work better for you. A lot of Virginia further south is less liberal so probably avoid those areas.

See I find Takoma Park just as conformist but in a different way. But if you like that vibe, it's the best place for you.

There really are too many people in the Vienna/Tysons/Dunn Loring area for someone to not find a clan they can relate to if they try.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

OP. You are a mean girl

Why? She has stated her opinion of the situation without name calling or even put downs.Meanwhile people in here are calling her loser. And yet you call her a mean girl?

It is almost like everyone expects all women to get along with each other even if they are uncomfortable. Do women always have to be “like the other girls?” Are they allowed to be introverts? If a woman doesn’t like to hang in mommy groups she needs to be painted as a “loser”

This is a weird thread and I guess my gen x self is too old to understand this divisive crap.

Op good luck and I hope you find a person or two!

Because she doesn’t like her neighbors, puts down the things other moms talk about as if it’s beneath her, doesn’t seem to want to get involved and get along with any group, and says she curses a lot and likes to rock the boat. I live in Vienna and have friends who live next door to people on the other side of the political aisle and they all get along. I don’t think they would though if they put down things a majority of other parents cared about in the town or cursed a lot or tried to rock the boat all the time. I know they both got pets this past year and enjoy talking about them and their kids. I like it that they are less involved in social justice and more involved in just being a good person, neighbor, and friend. This behavior calling out everyone also wouldn’t fly in Petworth. I have friends in Petworth and they have their own special interests.

But maybe she IS the person talking about dogs over the fence. That is a polite acquaintance or neighbor relationship in person but not a deep friendship. I’m assuming OP wants someone to be real with whom she can curse around and have a deeper bond with. You can be surface politely to anyone: civil talk about dogs and trees etc. those are not lasting bonds which is what I think OP is looking for.

Just because she is writing her true thoughts online doesn’t mean she isn’t surface poliete. She cant break through surface polite and that is the issue for her right now.

OP here. Yes, you get it. I can totally do surface level conversation -- could talk about my dog for hours! It's just that every conversation seems so surface level, and the ones that aren't usually center around kids' achievement/enrichment. It's exhausting. And these are just with the people who haven't automatically alienated me for being a single mom.

You’re expecting deep, opinionated debates at morning drop off? On the soccer field?

You realize that surface level topics is basically just polite conversation right? You have to actually get to know people and work to build friendships that naturally lead to deeper conversations.

Yes, it’s 100% a Virginia thing to make polite conversation. You moved to VA and that’s the culture. When in Rome.. If it doesn’t vibe with you then this probably isn’t going to be a place you feel like calling home.

The life revolving around kids thing is definitely very Vienna. It’s incredibly family focused, for better or worse, and I’m sure you had to know that before moving there.

Sometimes we make poor decisions, maybe VA wasn’t the best choice for what you value. The good thing is it’s okay to accept that and move on. Find a place you want to call home.

I will say it again. For what OP wants, any place in NoVa will be better than Vienna. Vienna is the epitome of boring, “don’t make waves” suburbia.

I’m not disagreeing. We like getting along with our neighbors. We like teaching our kids kindness towards others even if our viewpoints are different. We aren’t going to yell at you if you brought 11 items in the 10 item limit check out line. We’ll slow down for your new teenage driver on the road not flip them off and speed around them.

It’s refreshing living in a small part of this area where people are not itching to get in someone else’s face about something petty and instead offer goodwill and niceness instead.

I get it if that’s not for you. There’s a whole lot of nasty in the DC metro area. Take your pick, no need to feel out of place when there are plenty of options.

Let's deconstruct this, shall we?

We like getting along with our neighbors.

Yes, so long as they display the same conformist tendencies that we do and don't bring up anything that might make us feel uncomfortable.


We like teaching our kids kindness towards others even if our view points are different.

Hard to say, because expressing one's viewpoints isn't really encouraged in Vienna, and you don't teach your kids kindness towards children who aren't smart, athletic, or otherwise talented in ways that make Vienna look good.

We aren’t going to yell at you if you brought 11 items in the 10 item limit check out line.

True, you won't yell. If you spot someone you know nearby, though, you'll do a truly impressive eye-roll.

We’ll slow down for your new teenage driver on the road not flip them off and speed around them.

If you know the new teenage driver or their parents, you'll be so solicitous that it will curdle milk. If you don't know the driver or their parents, you'll use the same middle fingers you whipped out to flip off the refs who called a foul on your kid during the travel league game last weekend.

It’s refreshing living in a small part of this area where people are not itching to get in someone else’s face about something petty and instead offer goodwill and niceness instead.

As OP can attest, it's depressing living in a small part of this area where people revel in the superficial and look for arbitrary flaws they can find in others to exclude them from their inner circle.

Hey Op, find out where this miserable poster lives and that might just be the perfect place for you!

It’s exhausting to me that someone would go through the trouble of “deconstructing” aka projecting so much nastiness. But hey, since you like that sort of thing you two would make great neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

I promise we’re not all this boring!!! I don’t want to talk about my kids all the time, especially when I’m out and NOT with my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by cleaning up your potty mouth. That doesn't make you a social rebel with a cause.

That's Vienna, again. Being catty and saying nasty things about kids behind their parents' backs is perfectly acceptable, but cursing (for example, when discussing the Supreme Court or DJT) is uncouth and grounds for exclusion from the club.

Do Vienna moms really say nasty things behind others' backs? Because when I lived in Capitol Hill, no did that, it was unacceptable. That was the extent of my DMV experience, and I loved it.

I suppose they didn't grow up in parts of the DMV where talking behind someone's back got you hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

You wanted eight acquaintances at a birthday dinner in a restaurant to talk about their most embarrassing moments to laugh over, or let out some catty comments about people to laugh at, tell stories about their wild college days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

You wanted eight acquaintances at a birthday dinner in a restaurant to talk about their most embarrassing moments to laugh over, or let out some catty comments about people to laugh at, tell stories about their wild college days?

This is a wild leap. Um, I'd imagine that she just wanted people to have fun, enjoy themselves, and talk about things other than the kids/school. Perhaps not be one dimensional?
I'm going to go out on a limb, PP, and say that you're a hit at parties. lol