Curious - are posters on this forum "unfriendly" because they are anonymous..

[Anonymous]

or do they act this way in person too?

I am surprised daily at how unfriendly some posters tend to be in the Private/Independent Schools forum. I surely hope these posts are the result of a few "unhappy" people who post frequently....but boy does it makes me wonder about this community sometimes.

[Anonymous]

You have to take the good/helpful info and leave the rest behind -- just like in real life. People may fire off e-mails not intending to sound harsh - but b/c its anonymous, probably aren't as careful about tone etc.
And, remember, these are the hottest button issues for people -- parenting, family issues, schools, etc., so tempers flare, feelings get hurt, and people lash out. Don't take it personally, there is a lot of good info here

[Anonymous]

I believe that the anonimity of the DCUM site allows people to post period, for both bad and good. You have likely also come across many supportive, informative and helpful posts which may have been offered by people who -- because of work, politics, schools, friendships and connections -- might not have been willing to write in if not for the privacy. Please attribute the negative posts to the fact that everyone has a bad day, and that maybe by venting "safely" and "privately" -- here among a community -- the negative posters on this site can get thingas off their minds, blow steam and be much nicer in their personal treatment of others.

[Anonymous]

It's funny -- I think if it the other way. IRL, am I surrounded by a same level of anger, craziness, and nastiness I see here, but are such people just keeping it underwraps/in check because/when they're in environments where people know who they are?

I certainly don't encounter DCUM types at DC's school but, then again, I wouldn't be likely to seek them out nor they me.

[Anonymous]

don't assume OP that people posting here actually have kids in private schools. A lot of folks are trolls just bored at work and or their lives.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I assume that the general bitchiness of this forum is higher because so many of the posters are affluent and from historic Cleveland Park, Spring Valley and close-in Bethesda.

I'm serious. I live in/near one of these and I'm surrounded by this entitled, yet with-a-whiff-of-desperation nonsense. The tone is exactly the same IRL as it is on here. Where are you applying????? Do you think we should write a check?????????? How much??? YOUR child isn't gifted. I'm hiring a tutor for Gracie because it can't -hurt- to read in pre-K, right (nervous laugh). Aspen is too crowded, it's really all about Telluride now. Wait -- you mean there's a developmental LAX program for 2nd graders?!?!

[Anonymous]

I've found myself getting less tolerant - nastier, if you will - to other DCUM posters the longer I've been on here. What seemed like another poster's quirk when I first joined DCUM, has morphed into a grating tic, and now I've even started to point out bad behavior.

With this crucial caveat: I'm never nasty about other peoples' parenting decisions, from school choice to after school sports and beyond. You won't find me on the thread about whether a mom can hire a taxi to transport her kids.

My intolerance is limited to bad posting behavior - the trolls, the bizarrely obsessed (hello, Sidwell football and Alexandria Academy posters), the smug posters (hello, parents of gifted kids), and the posters who were nasty and prompted me to call them out.

No, I don't think I'm the DCUM police. But somebody has to tell these posters off for creating a public nuisance, and sometimes (not always) it's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found myself getting less tolerant - nastier, if you will - to other DCUM posters the longer I've been on here. What seemed like another poster's quirk when I first joined DCUM, has morphed into a grating tic, and now I've even started to point out bad behavior.

With this crucial caveat: I'm never nasty about other peoples' parenting decisions, from school choice to after school sports and beyond. You won't find me on the thread about whether a mom can hire a taxi to transport her kids.

My intolerance is limited to bad posting behavior - the trolls, the bizarrely obsessed (hello, Sidwell football and Alexandria Academy posters), the smug posters (hello, parents of gifted kids), and the posters who were nasty and prompted me to call them out.

No, I don't think I'm the DCUM police. But somebody has to tell these posters off for creating a public nuisance, and sometimes (not always) it's me.

You are the nastiest poster on these boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found myself getting less tolerant - nastier, if you will - to other DCUM posters the longer I've been on here. What seemed like another poster's quirk when I first joined DCUM, has morphed into a grating tic, and now I've even started to point out bad behavior.

With this crucial caveat: I'm never nasty about other peoples' parenting decisions, from school choice to after school sports and beyond. You won't find me on the thread about whether a mom can hire a taxi to transport her kids.

My intolerance is limited to bad posting behavior - the trolls, the bizarrely obsessed (hello, Sidwell football and Alexandria Academy posters), the smug posters (hello, parents of gifted kids), and the posters who were nasty and prompted me to call them out.

No, I don't think I'm the DCUM police. But somebody has to tell these posters off for creating a public nuisance, and sometimes (not always) it's me.

OP here - to 14:01.

So, I am curious - would you be similaraly "intolerant or nasty" in person?

I don't say this with any attitude or judgement - I am just wondering if this format would lead you to act differently than you might face to face?

This is something I wonder about often when I see aggressive or mean spirited posts (Not that I can say those are your posts.) Note that I used quotes around "intolerant/nasty" because they are your own words - not mine.

thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found myself getting less tolerant - nastier, if you will - to other DCUM posters the longer I've been on here. What seemed like another poster's quirk when I first joined DCUM, has morphed into a grating tic, and now I've even started to point out bad behavior.

With this crucial caveat: I'm never nasty about other peoples' parenting decisions, from school choice to after school sports and beyond. You won't find me on the thread about whether a mom can hire a taxi to transport her kids.

My intolerance is limited to bad posting behavior - the trolls, the bizarrely obsessed (hello, Sidwell football and Alexandria Academy posters), the smug posters (hello, parents of gifted kids), and the posters who were nasty and prompted me to call them out.

No, I don't think I'm the DCUM police. But somebody has to tell these posters off for creating a public nuisance, and sometimes (not always) it's me.

Are you really going to start this again on another thread? Again, really??? For the love of God!

I also bet it IS almost always you.

You have serious issues that I think you need to concentrate on before trying to fix other people's "behavior".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've found myself getting less tolerant - nastier, if you will - to other DCUM posters the longer I've been on here. What seemed like another poster's quirk when I first joined DCUM, has morphed into a grating tic, and now I've even started to point out bad behavior.

With this crucial caveat: I'm never nasty about other peoples' parenting decisions, from school choice to after school sports and beyond. You won't find me on the thread about whether a mom can hire a taxi to transport her kids.

My intolerance is limited to bad posting behavior - the trolls, the bizarrely obsessed (hello, Sidwell football and Alexandria Academy posters), the smug posters (hello, parents of gifted kids), and the posters who were nasty and prompted me to call them out.

No, I don't think I'm the DCUM police. But somebody has to tell these posters off for creating a public nuisance, and sometimes (not always) it's me.

Are you really going to start this again on another thread? Again, really??? For the love of God!

I also bet it [b]IS almost always you.

You have serious issues that I think you need to concentrate on before trying to fix other people's "behavior".[/b]

OP again here - this time to 16:15 - I TOTALLY realize you are defending the rest of us - and much appreciate it. But that said - your post comes across as pretty aggressive and would probably incite 14:01 to esclate (and then we all know it goes downhill from there!).

I am curious whether your post was intended to be so strong? And if it was intended to be aggressive - would you say such things in person?

The tone on these boards fascinates me! (frustrates too...)

Meanwhile - 14:10 please don't take the bait and take this thread downhill!

[Anonymous]

For as long as there has been man, s/he has struggled between the godliness in his soul and the beast in his nature -- on a daily basis, and in ways small and large. One question, then, is do we -- as fellow wo/men struggling with our own natures -- look for the best in each other or the worst?

I assume -- since I don't like to play the devil's advocate -- that a person's nasty, petty or mean postings on this site are an aberration or exception and not a manifestation of their true and better self. So to answer one PP's question, I don't think that people go around suppressing their bitter and hateful selves. Think of DCUM as a confessional, a place where one can "anonomously" leave one's jealous, covetous, angry and hateful thoughts (with the exception that on this site you will most certainly be judged for them).

Am I kidding? A little yes, but I do believe in wo/man's better self. And I like to ponder some of the ideas of all those (midwestern) sermons I was exposed to as a child.

[Anonymous]

Of course. Not assigning unique usernames for people encourages the rampant nastiness you see on this forum. It makes no sense to me - why not have a registration system like nearly every other message board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you really going to start this again on another thread? Again, really??? For the love of God!

I also bet it IS almost always you.

You have serious issues that I think you need to concentrate on before trying to fix other people's "behavior".

14:01 here. I seem to have struck a nerve. No, I don't have "serious issues" and I do have a good marriage, two really well-adjusted kids, and a job that generally impresses people, to boot. I'm responsible for providing advice to some of the most important politicians in this city (this isn't code for lobbyist, it's a policy job). So at work, I'm right on target and diplomatic. Sorry to disappoint you.

I just get fed up with the annoying, childish and obnoxious posts around here. There are just SO MANY inane and/or obnoxious posts. This behavior would never be tolerated in my workplace, and I don't see why we need to tolerate it here. I figure, lots of people act the way they do because nobody has the nerve to confront them in person, so they keep on being inane or obnoxious. This board is an OPPORTUNITY to help people see that they are inane or obnoxious.

And I know some of you (15:55 and 16:15) are going to post that all I do is insult people. Very, very wrong. Mostly it's constructive. I have shared tons of info on private and public schools. And, as I said in my original post, I'm very reluctant to judge anybody else's choices. I have never, ever, ever flamed somebody for choosing Sidwell over Grace. Or for choosing Bullis over Sidwell (in fact, as I recall, I defended the person who preferred Bullis, and I don't even have a kid at Bullis). I've provided info on travel sport teams.

Go ahead, flame away. I really don't care what obnoxious people like 15:55 and 16:15 have to say about me, because their obnoxious posts tell you everything you need to know about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - to 14:01.

So, I am curious - would you be similaraly "intolerant or nasty" in person?

I don't say this with any attitude or judgement - I am just wondering if this format would lead you to act differently than you might face to face?

This is something I wonder about often when I see aggressive or mean spirited posts (Not that I can say those are your posts.) Note that I used quotes around "intolerant/nasty" because they are your own words - not mine.

thanks!

14:01 here. No, I'm not "intolerant or nasty" in person. I've been told I don't push hard enough for my own interests. That said, I have a job that involves fairly delicate negotiations, and requires a lot of tact.

I think most of us don't tell people to their faces that they are being boorish, or rude. For that reason, I think the anonymity on DCUM provides an opportunity to point this behavior out.

And as a corollary, my "nasty or intolerant" comments here on DCUM are strictly limited to behavioral issues. I'm never "nasty or intolerant" about other peoples' parenting or school choices, although I've offered my opinions. When I'm nasty, it's only to point out the obnoxious nature of someone else's posts, not to question their parenting choices. I think we should have free discussions on a wide range of issues - and we should discourage the jerks who distract us from the substance of the discussions.