Curious - are posters on this forum "unfriendly" because they are anonymous..

[Anonymous]

Just curious 14:01....were you the one who posted this to the parent of the 155 IQ preschooler?

Wishful thinking. You are not left off the hook that easily. Thorns will seek out the supple targets of dull braggarts.

Again, another post that was not an opinion or idea to disagree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:01 here. I haven't posted since last night, but I feel I need to respond to the accusations of harassment and stalking.

On the IQ=130 thread there was at least one other poster besides me, I believe two other posters, who criticized the behavior of parents of gifted kids.

I first pointed out that someone (you?) revealed her kid's IQ is 155 twice on the same page of the thread. The discussion quickly broadened into a debate re whether parents of gifted kids share in the blame for why this topic can't be discussed on DCUM and, as I said, there were others sharing my view that both sides are to blame. YOU seemed to want to continue the discussion for 3+ pages, to deny that parents of gifted kids are equally guilty. This is NOT harassment, it's a debate you apparently wanted to have.

Also, I do not "stalk" gifted threads. I have a personal interest in the subject because my kids are now both in MoCo magnets, after having done private. Also, you were arguing against several people, not just against me, on the IQ=130 thread.

No the discussion didn't broaden. It derailed. It was a mean spirited post that wasn't meant to add to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

OP here - just as an FYI - I have never posted here without ID'ing myself as OP. So I don't want anyone under the impression that I am part of the back and forth conversation going on here.

I do have some thoughts to share that go back to the original question - but don't have time to organize them right now, so I will post them when I have more time later.

But it is exactly these "public fights" on the Forum that I wonder about. They derail almost every topic I find interesting.

This may be because I happen to be interested in the varioius issues involved for families with a child who performs multiple grades ahead at a very young age. That topic is such a third rail...but I see it happen to other threads too.

These threads start out with people seeking advice or sharing their experiences - and eventually take a turn down a black hole where we get posters who "lay into" an unsuspecting soul and then we get some defenders who step in with good intentions but come across as equally "rough" and it escalates to a huge fight of strong words and wills. While others sit back and try to remain civil and get the thread back on topic.

I would just love to see how these scenarios would play out in a room face to face. I am pretty sure that most of you folks would not be so vocal and mean to each other in person.

I will post more later (maybe a few days since it is a busy week) - but I wanted to say that I totally appreciate the thoughts people have shared - especially those who have been very candid about their own approach - even if it has sparked attack by others. It is exactly the kind of info I was curious about. Motivation behind such posts...

Meanwhile - as usual - let's try to stop the fight and get back on topic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's anonymous so I say what I truly feel. Nasty or not. I'm also more open about personal things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious 14:01....were you the one who posted this to the parent of the 155 IQ preschooler?

Wishful thinking. You are not left off the hook that easily. Thorns will seek out the supple targets of dull braggarts.

Again, another post that was not an opinion or idea to disagree with.

14:01 here. No, I didn't post that. I definitely remember it, but I'm not even sure what it meant or who it was directed at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No the discussion didn't broaden. It derailed. It was a mean spirited post that wasn't meant to add to the discussion.

14:01 again. We disagree completely. After 15 pages, OP's original question had completely played itself out. Someone came on to post IQ=155 twice on the same page (not just the same thread). The discussion moved onto the subject of whether blame needs to be shared by parents of gifted kids, or not, and covered a range of bad behaviors on both sides. I thought it was interesting and useful; you apparently thought suggestions that parents of gifted kids should share the blame was "mean spirited."

The fascinating thing here is the "meta-conversation" on bad posting behavior, on the specific subject of gifted kids. I too am dismayed threads on giftedness disintegrate so quickly, because I have a personal interest, as I said. But I've concluded that part of the fault lies with the parents of the gifted kids. At least one other person agreed with me.

Having this discussion is not mean-spirited, stalkerish, or a symptom of mental illness. This is a discussion that needs to be had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious 14:01....were you the one who posted this to the parent of the 155 IQ preschooler?

Wishful thinking. You are not left off the hook that easily. Thorns will seek out the supple targets of dull braggarts.

Again, another post that was not an opinion or idea to disagree with.

14:01 here. No, I didn't post that. I definitely remember it, but I'm not even sure what it meant or who it was directed at.

It was directed at the parent of the 155 IQ child. This parent asked why she was being blasted for stating her child's IQ on a thread about educational options for children with high IQ. Her point was that she thought it was relevant to the discussion and if others found it distasteful why are they on a thread dedicated to the subject instead of going away. I wondered that myself.

As far as what it means I would guess they were saying that no they would not leave the thread and would make the "155 IQ poster" continue to pay for their misbehavior. I would venture to categorize it as pretty creepy personally and maybe could be taken as "I plan to stalk you". I'm not sure how the parent of the 155 IQ child took it but I don't believe they posted anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No the discussion didn't broaden. It derailed. It was a mean spirited post that wasn't meant to add to the discussion.

14:01 again. We disagree completely. After 15 pages, OP's original question had completely played itself out. Someone came on to post IQ=155 twice on the same page (not just the same thread). The discussion moved onto the subject of whether blame needs to be shared by parents of gifted kids, or not, and covered a range of bad behaviors on both sides. I thought it was interesting and useful; you apparently thought suggestions that parents of gifted kids should share the blame was "mean spirited."

The fascinating thing here is the "meta-conversation" on bad posting behavior, on the specific subject of gifted kids. I too am dismayed threads on giftedness disintegrate so quickly, because I have a personal interest, as I said. But I've concluded that part of the fault lies with the parents of the gifted kids. At least one other person agreed with me.

Having this discussion is not mean-spirited, stalkerish, or a symptom of mental illness. This is a discussion that needs to be had.

The ironic thing is that the poster with the 155 IQ child was actually attempting to address the OP's original question of "now what do I do now that I have this score?". So, really that post actually brought the thread full circle back to the original topic because she was stating what she was doing with her child with a high IQ.

Your post completely derailed any further discussion about that parent's experiences with her child and the choices that she made which could have been helpful to some, including the OP. All of a sudden everyone was discussing sharing blame on these boards or as you put it "broadening" the topic further. I will admit that in hindsight and as the OP of this thread pointed out my attempts to defend this poster probably added to the derailment but my intention was to reason with everyone to just let it be and continue the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here....

I would just love to see how these scenarios would play out in a room face to face. I am pretty sure that most of you folks would not be so vocal and mean to each other in person.

My guess: the rest of us would just leave. And the antagonists would know we'd left. At which point, they'd either deal with each other or say "who cares what she thinks?" and move on.

By contrast, I think people dig in here because, at a certain point, they feel the need to vindicate themselves after someone has said something they consider unfair (see, e.g. 14:01's post re I'm not a stalker/harasser) and, because of the anonymity, you can never tell whether you're talking to one person (who's hopeless) or several (some of whom might be genuinely trying to understand). So basically, you don't know who your audience is, whom you're talking to, or what's at stake. IRL, you do.

[Anonymous]

Oh and re why gifted threads degenerate. Honestly, I think that there's one incredibly nasty whackjob poster (who is not either of the two posters who have been discussing that thread here but who probably is the author of the dull braggarts post) who always weighs in. She sets others off, at which point still others (who don't recognize what's going on and/or who see other well-meaning posters caught in the crossfire) are shocked by the response and enter the fray on the other side.

And because there's an underlying schism on gifted issues (roughly nature/acceleration/magnet or homeschool vs. nurture/progressive model) people tend to rise to the defense of their fellow travelers when they feel they've been mistreated. In this respect I found "live and let live"'s repeated use of "us" really interesting. I don't experience "us" on this board -- I might say you're being unfair to her or to me but, for me, there's no us here.

[Anonymous]

Well, ok, in the post I made immediately before, I used "us" myself, LOL! But that us is "DCUM posters collectively" not some subgroup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - to 14:01.

So, I am curious - would you be similaraly "intolerant or nasty" in person?

I don't say this with any attitude or judgement - I am just wondering if this format would lead you to act differently than you might face to face?

This is something I wonder about often when I see aggressive or mean spirited posts (Not that I can say those are your posts.) Note that I used quotes around "intolerant/nasty" because they are your own words - not mine.

thanks!

14:01 here. No, I'm not "intolerant or nasty" in person. I've been told I don't push hard enough for my own interests. That said, I have a job that involves fairly delicate negotiations, and requires a lot of tact.

I think most of us don't tell people to their faces that they are being boorish, or rude. For that reason, I think the anonymity on DCUM provides an opportunity to point this behavior out.

And as a corollary, my "nasty or intolerant" comments here on DCUM are strictly limited to behavioral issues. I'm never "nasty or intolerant" about other peoples' parenting or school choices, although I've offered my opinions. When I'm nasty, it's only to point out the obnoxious nature of someone else's posts, not to question their parenting choices. I think we should have free discussions on a wide range of issues - and we should discourage the jerks who distract us from the substance of the discussions.

This is the poster who was defending the gifted parents again....
Just because you find a post or posts obnoxious (parent of the 155 IQ child for example) does not mean that others do too. We may have wanted to hear more from that parent and it's frustrating that they stopped posting after getting blasted several times over.

You may feel that you succeeded in ridding the board of a braggart but I just feel like you've ridded the board of a parent who may have had some good information to share.

[Anonymous]

14:01 again. I agree that there seems to be one very mean, whackjob poster. I think she enters in on both sides of any debate.

I think that another problem may be that some of us just have to get in the last word. We have to "win" every debate by posting our version of what happened, maybe several times. We don't think the "jury" of other posters will be convinced unless our "spin" is the last thing they read. Yes, I'm talking to you.

[Anonymous]

14:01 again. And because I let myself be drawn into a 3-4 page back-and-forth with you, you are now calling me a harasser and a stalker. That does not seem fair.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps if the gt defender had ignored a post she found offensive, instead of pursuing it for so many pages, the thread would not have derailed. It takes two to tango.