Teen son slapped my face, what should I do

[Anonymous]

This is so sad. Unfortunately you need a family therapist. He will think later on it’s ok to hit women. Jail time may be in his future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so sad. Unfortunately you need a family therapist. He will think later on it’s ok to hit women. Jail time may be in his future.

Never change DCUM

[Anonymous]

When’s the last time you had a meaningful discussion with your husband on the goals for the family and dynamics I. The household?

Is he mature or mentally there enough to have such a talk?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like both of your kids have control and permission to act however they want. You've let the younger one change the family dynamic by making excuses for his behavior and now the older one has followed suit. Go to family therapy and decide how you want your family to be. Stop making excuses for the younger one and the older one needs to know that hitting is never acceptable no matter the reason. It's clear he doesn't respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son slapped you unprovoked and your husband just talked to him?

Okay.

I was thinking the same thing. There so many things wrong with this situation. Siblings physically fighting with intent to hurt. Parent just saying stop instead of getting in between the fight. Kids not scared of consequences or parents and slaps mom. Dad not really defending mom. Kid talking to parents like they are the parent. Parents know kids have anger issues and doesn't regularly separate the kids.

I'm guessing that this won't be last time this happens. You guys all need help as family. Parents need to parent. Kids need to learn control (therapy, meds, and/or practice), consequences, and to be disciplined.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a huge amount of uncontrollable anger, but never inflicted on me (holes in walls, dents in fridge). There were a lot of programs and therapy but not great results from them, but over time he developed the ability to manage frustration (yes he had MH issues). Didn't push privileges much because his life was so rocky he had few outlets as it was. Redirection helped more and I spent a lot of time with him. Ross Greene was my lifesaver--look him up. He's got important things to say.

I'd be very concerned about the entire situation and the helplessness OP and her husband seem to feel. One risk is continued and increased aggression by either of the boys. Another--which people surprisingly fail to consider--is the link of suicide with aggression in teen boys.

Cops--can't count on the system to handle this well. You never know what kind of cop you're going to get.

But you can do therapy and you can also bring the issue to juvenile court and ask the court to mandate therapy and other programs. That's what you really have to do if there is a definite propensity for violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night, younger teen son accidentally elbowed older teen son’s jaw, he immediately physically got
on younger son, who has an injure on his ankle, I was worried older son was going to hurt him. I was
loudly talking to him, he can’t just physically revenge just because he was hurt.
The history is younger son is very impulsive, which often causes to provoke a fight, younger teen son
also has a uncontrollable anger, I was worried of it.

When I was talking to older son, he suddenly slapped my face. I was totally in shock, asked why he
slapped me. He said he think I didn’t understand his jaw was hurt badly, I seemed always on younger
teen son side, he felt he is justified to physically get back, and I don’t understand him, he wanted me
feel the same way.

His dad tried to talk to him, couldn’t get him think differently. Later he came to apologize, I asked him
what he apologized for. He said, ok you still need time to calm down, he then walked away. He think
when he apologize, I should accept it right away. If not, I need time to calm down. I don’t want to
accept his apology just for sake of apology.

I still can’t believe what he did, feeling sad, don’t know to proceed. I want to ignore him, want to talk
to him but couldn’t bring myself to.
Should I just forgive since he came to apologize?

White people? Was it like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had a huge amount of uncontrollable anger, but never inflicted on me (holes in walls, dents in fridge). There were a lot of programs and therapy but not great results from them, but over time he developed the ability to manage frustration (yes he had MH issues). Didn't push privileges much because his life was so rocky he had few outlets as it was. Redirection helped more and I spent a lot of time with him. Ross Greene was my lifesaver--look him up. He's got important things to say.

I'd be very concerned about the entire situation and the helplessness OP and her husband seem to feel. One risk is continued and increased aggression by either of the boys. Another--which people surprisingly fail to consider--is the link of suicide with aggression in teen boys.

Cops--can't count on the system to handle this well. You never know what kind of cop you're going to get.

But you can do therapy and you can also bring the issue to juvenile court and ask the court to mandate therapy and other programs. That's what you really have to do if there is a definite propensity for violence.

Suicide? Society would be lucky if the suicide happened before mass shooting. This teen is a menace to society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so sad. Unfortunately you need a family therapist. He will think later on it’s ok to hit women. Jail time may be in his future.

Too late to change. OP's children seem to be wired wrong. Family therapy will do what if they cannot swap out the family members?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suicide? Society would be lucky if the suicide happened before mass shooting. This teen is a menace to society.

Of all the members in OP's family are you sure the teen is the one to watch? Read the OP again. There's a good chance this is stemming from *]the younger brother*, whose needs/behavior the parents haven't been able to address.

[Anonymous]

Omg people, take a breath! Unless I missed some posts, OP said that her older kid slapped her ONCE in a pique of anger, and her younger son
accidentally/impulsively hits his older brother. These alone are not reason to speculate future spousal abuse, mass shooting, suicide, etc. I do completely agree that both things are serious and need to be addressed, but many of you are acting as if the die is cast and there is no going back from this and that seems overly fatalistic and dramatic - I fear for your kids if they ever make a mistake or wrong choice.

[Anonymous]

I think you need family therapy. You would likely benefit from an outside mediator, because I think this will be too difficult for you to navigate alone.

[Anonymous]

Get the neurotypical older child into boarding school or living with a healthy relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg people, take a breath! Unless I missed some posts, OP said that her older kid slapped her ONCE in a pique of anger, and her younger son
accidentally/impulsively hits his older brother. These alone are not reason to speculate future spousal abuse, mass shooting, suicide, etc. I do completely agree that both things are serious and need to be addressed, but many of you are acting as if the die is cast and there is no going back from this and that seems overly fatalistic and dramatic - I fear for your kids if they ever make a mistake or wrong choice.

You seemed to miss the chronic behavior problems and patterns of the younger child who is verbally abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg people, take a breath! Unless I missed some posts, OP said that her older kid slapped her ONCE in a pique of anger, and her younger son
accidentally/impulsively hits his older brother. These alone are not reason to speculate future spousal abuse, mass shooting, suicide, etc. I do completely agree that both things are serious and need to be addressed, but many of you are acting as if the die is cast and there is no going back from this and that seems overly fatalistic and dramatic - I fear for your kids if they ever make a mistake or wrong choice.

And yes the 80% divorce rate amongst aspergers spouses is real.